Sex and the City

So I cant keep this stupid smile off of my face. I just recently received two late birthday presents in the form of the new Walkmen cd and an early sneak peak at the new Japandroids album. And unlike the recent trend of indie bands just putting out crap as fast as they can so they have an excuse to get back on the road, these two actually put out quality efforts that build on what they started. First off, I cant believe that The Walkmen have been around for 10 years now! Each album is unique with it's own distinctive sound and feel and yet you know it's them by Hamilton's amazing voice, the spastic drums, and Paul Maroon's guitar. This album keeps you on your toes right out the gate with their single Heaven and continues all the way to Jerry Jr's Tune featuring Fleet Foxes. Do yourself a favor and scoop this cd up; if for nothing else but to see the quirky photos of the band members with theie families including one with Hamilton and his wife who my friend Carole says looks like a Pentecostal Sarah Jessica Parker. Wasnt that the plot of Sex and The City 2? Or does SJP just look weird all of the time?Thankfully I was single when that movie came out so I wasnt forced to see it. And yes I saw the first one but moving on. All I can say about the new Japandroids album is wow!! I didnt think they really could take their sound anywhere else. After all its basically garage punk about being young and enjoying life to the fullest but they managed to keep the same energy and style and somehow the record is different from their first official effort. You will be singing their teenage anthems The Nights of Wine and Roses and Adrenaline Nightshift all summer long. They are also playing Pitchfork festival in July. I have previewed both bands here.
http://onlyfreshness.blogspot.com/2012/03/more-music-from-hipsterville.html
http://onlyfreshness.blogspot.com/2012/04/playing-dress-up.html

Someone who is playing both Pitchfork and ACL will be Big K.R.I.T. I have known about him for a while but thought he would fade away like most southern artists; see Mike Jones or David Banner. But I always felt there was something a bit different about Krit. What's cool about him is he is from Mississippi and keeps the southern style and dirty bumpin beats but his lyrics arent about candy colored whips and grills. He actually has some thoughtful lyrics and his songs have substance to them. He grew up writing poems and decided to get his voice out in the form of rap. He drops hooks like "This cant be all, this cant be all, drank, weed, and hos, money, white cars, and vogues" or "i couldve bought my way to heaven, but spent it all on this chain". He doesnt rely on gimmicks or shocking lyrics like an Eminem or Danny Brown, but just his presence and flow alone makes him stand out and exudes this cool confidence. I would definitely suggest checking him out and give him a rating of FRESH. Oh and for the record, every time I type Mississippi, I have to sing that stupid song MI SSI SSI PPI. Yes, I promise I went to college and actually graduated.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YpdX14zmQtI&feature=endscreen&NR=1

Next up is The Good The Bad. Once again, due to their name, everything that pulls up is a reference to the movie The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly when you search for them. But when you finally find them, you are pleasantly surprised. They are a Danish 3 piece all instrumental band and their songs sound like a soundtrack to a Quentin Tarantino movie. The lamest way to describe it would be to call it garage surfer rock. When I first saw them in this club which was literally the size of my living room, they came out and looked like extras from Inglourious Basterds. And they had learned a total of about 10 English words for the show. "Hi, we're The Good, The Bad.. Thank You" and "We have cd's". And since this is all they knew, they repeated it about 20 times during the show. But honestly if youre a band, this is all the English you need to know along with "another Lone Star please" and "yes I have condoms". Heck, most nights downtown, these are the only words that I can actually get out from time to time. But outside of this, these guys rock! And while you would think you would get tired of this kind of music after about 20 minutes, you really dont. they have crazy energy and enough skill to mix up their songs so they dont sound the same. Check them out. I will give them a rating of slightly WEAK only because I am not sure where else they can take their sound but given their talent I wouldnt be surprised if they hang around for a bit.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ouOGacf3Ss&feature=related

La La Land of Crazy Girls

So I am fresh off of my trip to Los Angeles visiting a friend of mine and trying to promote this little site as well. And during the trip I was treated to plenty of Too Short and E-40 but I was also saturated with the constant feeding of Drake, LMFAO, and Pitbull. I had never even heard a Drake song until this past weekend. I thought LA was the land of indie bands? Every SXSW there's only about 800 bands from this wonderful city that come to Austin to perform. Are they just too busy eating at Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles the rest of the year to actually promote themselves? Or are they really just geeks in hiding? Like the ones that I saw there playing superhero games with each other in the comic book store? I would like to think these guys would never get laid but I've lived in Austin long enough to know that even guys who dress like pirates on the reg get some, so anything is possible.Oh well, I would have to say the highlight of the trip may have been at dinner when this beautiful girl is soo drunk that she tips over and smacks her head on my table as I am mid bite of my tasty burger. She then lands in my lap giggling Sixteen Candles style. Sadly we didn't bang in a Bentley the next morning like in that movie, but one can dream.

And speaking of crazy hot women who I want to pass out in my lap, there's Teresa Suarez aka Teri Gender Bender of Le Butcherettes. They are from Guadalajara, Mexico but now make their home in LA. When I first heard New York, I thought I was  listening to a remastered Runaways song.  But I never remembered rocking out this hard to Joan Jett before. Plus if i had, I would never admit it to anyone, although Cherry Bomb is pretty money.  It was at this moment I realized it was Teri screaming out these wonderfully weird lyrics along with a guy wearing a Mexican wrestler's mask on the drums. After doing some research, I saw that Omar Rodriguez-Lopez from Mars Volta produced their album and even plays bass. So naturally I decided to check out some of their other songs and was definitely not disappointed. They keep up the weirdness and rocking out on songs like Henry Don't Got Love and Dress Off while also remaining socially conscious. Teri, despite all of her antics is actually a pretty smart and educated woman. Although after seeing her live, I'm not sure she's all there. First off, it's an amazing live show! And I mean just that, it's a show. She walks on stage as this petite little thing with a mousy voice but as soon as the guitar is plugged into the amp, the crazy eyes show up and she takes on another personality. One with hair flying while shredding riff after riff. Then midshow during a drum solo, she smears her lipstick across her face and does a surprise head first stage dive into this small crowd who kind of catches her but not until after her head slams into the ground. Everyone freezes as she rolls on the ground screaming in what we think is pain. But we then realize she not screaming in pain, but is actually screaming song lyrics. She then pops up, barefoot, and starts running around the venue screaming more lyrics as everyone still has no clue what is going on. Meanwhile the music never stops playing; I guess her bandmates are just used to this crazy. The song finally comes to an end as she's swinging from a light fixture, breaks it, and screams something indiscernible in the mic. Needless to say,  I instantly fell in love.

Again, dont let the antics completely distract you. There is definitely a point behind her lyrics and they take you back to the raw power of mid to late 70's  punk rock. They are a three piece with Teri also playing organ on quite  few of the songs. They have no slow movers and have songs that range from negatively calling out the tradition of the Mexican male machismo to calling out certain political leaders who shall remain nameless. Oh and did I mention that she's pretty, even with the crazy eyes? Do yourself a favor and see these guys when they come to town; they are pretty FRESH!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EtbltIS175U

Oh yeah, the second time I saw them perform, she threw her shoe at my head (I swear it wasnt in self defense). It was weird, I was like the Bionic Man. I effortlessly caught it with one hand while drinking my beer with the other. People kept trying to buy it off of me but no way was I giving this up. And that's not even the best part. I spent the rest of the night going from venue to venue with her shoe in my hand and noone even looked at me twice. Not even Friendly Fires' frontman Ed Macfarlane batted an eye as we had a drunken 10 minute conversation about our night and the festival as a whole; which looking back, our convo made no sense at all. Aah SXSW, a place where people who look like serial killers can feel at home.

Battleship

I know I'm a little late on this one and if you havent seen this movie by now then you probably wont. But if you were like me and had already decided that you were waiting for HBO to run this movie then hopefully this will change your mind. From the previews it really does look like the Michael Bay just sold Universal Pictures extra footage he had from Transformers to make a little money. But they do just enough with it to make it feel a little different. Early on it's old school Bay/Bruckheimer with cheesy barely funny jokes, random chases for no reason, and terrible guitar solos. Actually they reached their peak with this in The RRRRooooock (in Sean Connery voice) but it was good to see it back for nostalgia's sake. And once they  were finally finished with giving you 20 or so minutes of lazy backstory, they got to the real reason you paid to see the movie. Aliens transforming and things exploding. Oh and did I mention that Mikey Bay nor Bruckheimer had anything to do with this movie. It was actually directed and produced by Peter Berg. You may remember him as Terry Conklin in Great White Hype. If you don't, do yourself a favor and see this movie. Actually it's a pretty dumb comedy about boxing but by the time he's playing his acoustic song you're pretty much hooked.

Anyway, the point is, he's completely adopted the Bay formula for movies. Tons of CGI, lots of explosions, a few jokes sprinkled throughout, and long shots of Americana scenes. You know, kids eating ice cream or playing baseball, or even soldiers walking in slow motion. Sometimes this is so overdone that it just falls flat but here it actually works . There's a scene later in the movie where they have to enlist the help of some WWII veterans to help save the world and it's actually done so well that you can't help but get a little pumped meanwhile overlooking to absurdity of the situation. Oh yeah, speaking of the absurd plot; Hopper (Taylor Kitsch) finds himself all of a sudden thrust into leading his own ship against these aliens who have landed off the Pacific Coast in response to a message we sent their galaxy. Except these aliens don't have the friendly intentions we did. They mean to take over our planet using their advanced weapons and technology. There is a race against time to take out their communications satellite before they make contact with their home planet to send reinforcements and it takes multiple efforts by many (including Hopper's girlfriend and an injured retired vet) to do so. Oh and blah blah blah, for the most part that's it. There's lots of explosions, quite a few people stepping out of their comfort zones, aliens destroying battleships, and well...Rihanna. After the first 20 minutes, its well paced with enough cool action in it to where you dont feel cheated by the fact you strictly paid for CGI and hopefully a shot or two with Brooklyn Decker (damn you Andy Roddick) or Rihanna in a bikini. There are quite a few plot holes in this movie but overall if you are simply looking to be entertained while also slightly inspired, I would suggest going to see this flick. I will rate it as barely FRESH.

Oh and yes,, they actually do incorporate a scene from the game. There's about 15 minutes where they are using buoys as marking points that they call sector K19 or J12. They then use these points as locations to send their bombs and yell out ridiculous things like DIRECT HIT!! It's pretty amazing to say the least.

ACL: Pleasantly Surprised!

So thankfully we wont be going to Aruba with the Beach Boys or hearing 30 minute ukulele solos from Phish this October. Instead ACL gave us the Chili Peppers (not a huge fan but how can this not be a fun show?), Neil Young, and the Black Keys. And following the festival circuit, you kind of had to know that the Keys and Jack White would be here. And not to mention freakin Iggy and the Stooges!!!! So as far as heavyweights go, nicely done C3! My only complaint is that ACL always goes the safe route when it comes to hip hop. Which basically means 5'2" female rappers or nothing at all. Last year they FINALLY listened to us and brought us more than one hip hop act that wasnt M.I.A. So what do they do? They bring us Kanye, Big Boi, Santigold, Theophilus London, and Nas. Awesome!  But then they put them all on the same stage and on the same day, which later became known as Blackout Friday. This year they brought us The Roots, Childish Gambino, Big KRIT, and the Black Lips...oh wait, that's the punk band. You really can't name yourself Black Lips unless you look like Fat Albert! i mean, really. Wow, that may have been the most racist thing I've ever said. Google image Fat Albert and you'll see why. Man, the late 70's and 80's were weird. But anyway, that's it! We can't get a Cash Money Millionaires reunion? Or even just a few more up and comers like A$ap Rocky, Danny Brown, or Clams Casino? Oh well, once again those three shows will be the most attended because we do need something to give us a break from the 50 acoustic country bluegrass sets they have sprinkled throughout. But outside of that glaring omission, they seem to have every other genre well covered and I am genuinely excited for it this year. So for the next couple of weeks, I'll spend most of my time getting you ready for Pitchfork, Lollapalooza, and ACL.

Just a quick note, A$ap Rocky, Clams, and Danny Brown are all playing Pitchfork. I've previewed them here.
http://onlyfreshness.blogspot.com/2012/04/whats-in-name.html
http://onlyfreshness.blogspot.com/2012/05/help-me-help-you.html

Also check Alabama Shakes who will be playing ACL.
http://onlyfreshness.blogspot.com/2012/04/day-drinking.html

I am so excited that Crystal Castles will be playing ACL this year! I keep missing them when they come to Austin for the most random reasons but I am determined to see them this year. Hopefully they will be playing an aftershow in a club because their dark, thrashy gothic dance music is better suited for that. As opposed to a 3 oclock outdoor day show. But honestly at this point I'll take them any way I can get them. They are a two piece from Canada made up of Alice on vocals and Ethan on the keys. Apparently the lucky ones that have seen them all report back that they are pretty nuts on stage and the energy they bring is contagious. While I really like their first album and it's weirdness (see Crimewave), they truly stepped it up a notch on their second effort. Not in Love, their lead single with Robert Smith is the perfect mix of 80's dance music and today's electronic scene. Plus, if Bobby Smith agrees to record with you, thats says something. This is also a perfect description of their song Celestica. But they still have their thrashy weirdness on songs like Fainting Spells and Empathy. I like how diverse their albums are and if it weren't 100 degrees in October i'd be rocking my Castles hoodie along with them but I'm black so my body already naturally absorbs enough heat as it is year round. It's like having a natural hoodie! I'm not suicidal! Anyway, Crystal Castles are kind of FRESH and I would definitely suggest checking them out.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ugw3ARV4X9g&feature=related

Next up is Polica. Sadly, everytime I tried to see them at SX there was always a conflict. They are a pop indie band who uses the auto tuner. That's gangsta!!! Honestly I dont know why she uses the auto tune so much, because she actually has a beautiful voice but it does add to the atmosphere of their music. A lot of their songs sound similar, so don't expect too much as far as high energy or diversity goes. But if you like slow moving ambient music this is for you. Highlights to check out are Lay Your Cards Out and Wandering Star. They sound next of Purity Ring who will also be playing Pitchfork.
http://onlyfreshness.blogspot.com/2012/04/so-much-fun-fun-fun-i-forgot.html
The jury is still out on Polica until I see them live but I am definitely intrigued and will be at their show. So they get a rating of a barely FRESH until further notice.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&v=3NcrCY-ztLk&feature=endscreen

Is This It?

So far I have been a bit underwhelmed by the festivals this year. SXSW was legit and Pitchfork fest looks to be awesome but for the most part they have been full of retread hipster bands and generic dj's. Why is it that most  of the recent indie artists start off strong but then come out with weak sophomore efforts? Is it because they have worked on their first album for their entire lives and once they find success and a record deal, they cave under the pressure of having to come up with another album in less than 18 months? So then we are stuck listening to these bands at festivals begging them to play their "old" stuff. Meanwhile secretly wishing that John Popper would find his way to the local rib shacks to get a good enough base so he can go drinking and driving again just to get pulled over with enough illegal firearms in his backseat to make T.I. jealous. I will admit though that the last time I saw the skinny Popper at ACL, I was singing The Hook rather loudly. And speaking of 90's has beens, retread hipster bands, and ACL; my "insider" tells me that the headliners this year will be Red Hot Chili Peppers, Phish (again), and the Beach Boys??? The Beach Boys?!?!!?! I mean I really hope that he's wrong, because if not this is the laziest effort ever. I really am just waiting for the day when ACL just says fuck it, and gives us their dream lineup of Jethro Tull, Bob Seger, and hologram Grateful Dead.

Well in the meantime, with Chaos in Tejas coming up, do yourself a favor and go see No Age at Beauty Ballroom June 1st. I have been boycotting the new Emo's East and Beauty because they moved locations and are no longer within walking distance of my apartment. But I can't pass up the chance to basically go deaf while dancing around with a bunch a 20 year olds. So yes, I guess I will finally get a *sigh* cab over to east Riverside. Again, I just assume that everyone knows who No Age is but for those who dont, they are a post punk noise band from LA with Dean on the drums and vocals and Randy on the guitar. Quite a few of their songs are familiar sounding high energy punk numbers like Sleeper Hold but they can also surprise you with slow moving experimental atmospheric tracks. And sometime you get the best of both worlds like with the haunting Errand Boy. One thing for sure, is that when you do see them, you want to take ear plugs. They are known for cranking it up as loud as possible and they do not play mellow shows. The last time I saw them at SX, it was right after Muse, so I was hammered and pumped! Metric, Muse, and then No Age? What could be better? Well how about front row for No Age at this small outdoor venue. I was rocking out and dancing like a fool to Teen Creeps with my ears basically bleeding because I was right next to this giant speaker with no ear plugs. People looked on in horror. A black man wearing a backpack, moshing to the loudest punk music known to man right next to that speaker with no ear plugs?? I could barely hear anything for 2 days after but it was all worth it because some dude came up to me after the show and said "you're fucking crazy man but mad respect". haha or at least I think that's what he said, I was pretty much reading lips at that point. No Age definitely gets a rating of FRESH! And when Radiohead lists you as one of their favorite bands, who am I to argue?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DWhCgA6r0Sk

Next up is Unknown Mortal Orchestra. They will be playing Pitchfork in Chicago this July. When I first came across them, I had heard that the lead had been anonymously recording and releasing songs. He wanted to make music but didnt want the attention that came along with it. But when it got more and more internet exposure and radio play, his manager basically forced him to start a band. Plus, the RZA gave it his stamp of approval. You cant let Bobby Digital down. So I checked out the fun and funky Ffunny Ffriends and immediately thought that if this is his early work, there is no ceiling for what this guy can do! But the only problem is, its way too early to tell if he will actually live up to his potential. Because when I saw them live, they had about 2 to 3 really good tracks including How Can You Luv Me?. But the rest of their songs just kind of drag on and seem uninspired. Now granted, when I saw them, it was about 6 months after they had formed their band, so they probably had literally just written most of their songs and hadnt really had a chance to figure out where they wanted to take their sound. Well now it's been over a year and hopefully they have figured out which direction they want to go. Again they have major potential but when you have deadlines to meet, sometimes you get bad results and fans day dreaming about fat guys playing harmonica. Right now, I give them a rating of kind of WEAK.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1DwfeiXSstc

Dark Shadows

Timmy, Timmy, Timmy. How far you have fallen since the days of Pee Wee's Big Adventure, Ed Wood, and Edward Scissorhands. This is when he had the perfect mix of carnival music, comedy, and the goth subculture. It was fresh, weird, and made you feel cool to actually be into it. And when you weigh 100 pounds in high school in a podunk town where everyone is overweight and drives 2 ton trucks strictly so they can go "muddin" on the weekends for fun, you need some sort of outlet that you can connect with. Don't you remember how excited you used to be to see his new movies, especially after what he did with Batman? He turned around a cool comic which became an unbelievably cheesy tv show and completely made it his own odd and eccentric vision. And the best thing in Hollywood's eyes is that it became mainstream and made a ton of money!! Sadly, I think this was Tim Burton's downfall, because then we got movies like Planet of the Apes and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Awful, awful films. He still shows flashes however with his wonderful, Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street. Trust me, I am never one to recommend a musical, but it is his darkest and goriest movie to date. By the time Johnny Depp (his best role in years) is throat slashing patrons to death and then cooking them up and serving them to locals, you cant help but ignore the fact that you're watching an extended American Idol. So based off of this and an OK Alice in Wonderland, I was excited for Dark Shadows because it looked like a return to form, in spite of the awful trailers. But then again, I can't imagine what a trailer for Ed Scissorhands would look like today, especially the scene where Winona Ryder is twirling around in the snow. Yes I am 12 years old and was possibly exposed to too much porn in college.

So the movie starts out great. There's the melo dramatic scenes that take place in the year 1760 where Barnabas Collins (Depp) gets the curse of becoming a vampire put on him for falling in love with a woman who is not Angelique (Eva Green) his maid servant/lover at the time. She then turns him into the townspeople for being this monster and they bury him alive for what is to be eternity. But, some 200 years later, he is inadvertently released from his coffin by some construction workers who dig up his grave. And as soon as the coffin is opened he goes on a gruesome killing spree taking out everyone who is in shouting distance. So, so far so good. We have vampires, witches, blood, and Danny Elfman doing the score. But unfortunately this is the high point of the movie.  It's 1970 and Angelique now runs the town with her fishing business, Barnabas's family is dysfunctional and has lost their clout in the community, and he is struggling to adjust to all of the changes that have taken place over the past 200 years. And yes, believe it or not there are many more plot lines that involve the family psychiatrist, his nephew's father, the mysterious and sexy niece, and his new found love which is the family nanny. None of which are allowed to fully develop and all of which get lazy and glossed over resolutions. Instead the movie drags out for 150 minutes the fact that Angelique isnt over Barnabas, so you get scene after scene of her telling him she wants him and him denying her his love. Sounds like another awful vampire movie that shall go unnamed.

It's a shame really, because if they had spent more time on the writing and focused more on the storyline with his new found love it could have been decent. Also while this movie is really funny at times, there are many jokes which come off stale and tired and really take you right out of the movie. There is a particular scene that stands out with Depp and the local hippies which seems like it was written by Pauly Shore.

Overall this movie has it's moments but it is way too long and doesn't really have an identity. Unlike in his past films where Burton effortlessly combined comedy and goth undertones, it all seems a bit too forced here and leaves you wondering if Marky Mark can have this negative effect on everyone's career.  This movie is pretty WEAK and I would suggest waiting for it on Netflix.

The Motorboat Artist

So this Friday night once again proved to me why this is the greatest city on Earth. For weeks I was bummed about not getting to see The Duke Spirit on their tour for their new album Bruiser. Last time they came I paid Incubus money to see them because they were the opener, but I was not doing that this time with Jane's Addiction. But as I was thumbing through our weekly event mag The Chronicle, I saw that they were playing a secret show at Frank's Hot Dogs! Frank's Hot Dogs??? So I guess as long as you have a 3 x 5 inch space, you can call it a stage and put on a show. This always happens during SXSW but it appears Austin has figured out that you can do this every weekend now. And honestly, why not? Btw Frank's has some damn good hot dogs and it turned out that this is a part of some new Transitor 6 series where they have an intimate (ugh i shudder now everytime I hear this in reference to a show) setting with cool bands, a photo shoot, and interviews. Plus it's free!!! Really? I get to see The Duke Spirit in a place that holds like 100 people for free? Unreal!

So I get there a bit early, just in time to see Ringo Deathstarr. Ringo is a local alternative noise rock band. You can tell they are heavily influenced by My Bloody Valentine and the promoter even begged you to pop in your ear plugs before they came on, ala Valentine shows. To which, one of my favorite hipsters at the show responded  by not budging. Yet he remained in his "im gazing at art with my arms folded while delicately holding my PBR" stance. It was impressive to say the least. But Ringo went on to put on a decent show. Like i said earlier, its mainly just noise with Frazier moaning indiscernible lyrics in the mic, but every now and then they'd get a hold of a cool riff and you'd find yourself rocking out. Definitely not a bad opening act. I'd check out this three piece band if they were playing somewhere for cheap. Plus it helped quite a bit that I was standing next to Duke Spirit's lead singer during their performance. Now if I were the Kelly of old, I wouldve probably tried to sneak in a quick motorboat and made a run for the door, but I've lost a step or two and wouldve easily been clubbed over the head before reaching the exit. And Texas is known for being in love with the death penalty, so I left it alone and just gave her a friendly and I'm sure creepy smile instead. Anyway, I give Ringo a rating of kind of WEAK, only because I think I could make this kind of music after a few months in the studio. Props to them btw for having a drummer that looks like Ted Danson.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LxyYPlv4RVs&feature=related

So now it came time for The Duke Spirit. The first time I saw them, they opened for Silversun Pickups during SX at Antones. At that point I had only heard their hit Lassoo and dug it quite a bit. So i figured I'd give them a shot. Man, after hearing how much these guys rock live and being mesmerized by Liela's sexy voice and her gyrating on stage, I immediately ran home and got all of their albums. I certainly was not disappointed by the rest of their material. It's really not a complicated sound. They're basically a 5 piece band with a traditional rock sound but combine the distortion, guitar solos, with Liela's seductive voice (yes I know how lame that sounds) and the high energy they bring to a show and this is what separates them from some of the other acts out there with a token female lead. At times they seem to struggle with the fact that they can turn it up and rock out, so they have quite a few slow numbers, especially on their latest effort Bruiser. So much so that I had almost forgotten how they can bring it, but as soon as the lights went out, it's like they took on another personality. They used every part of the stage to entertain the audience. Actually they almost got a little too carried away by coming very close to knocking down this huge chandelier on themselves. They played the 7 songs songs they were supposed to but then basically said screw it, we've got nothing else to do tonight and played another 3 songs. Again, all of this was free!!! So if my lack of hearing and almost attempted assault wasn't enough to convince you, maybe this link and my rating of FRESH will be enough to get you to check them out.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oLFHj83WOKU

Oh and for those of you who did not believe that this song actually existed from my last piece, here you go
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rRwhm-B6yNI&ob=av2e

An Intimate Evening with The Ultimate Piss Artist

Look, I am well aware of the fact that only my mom and Elmo the wonder elf currently read this blog on a regular basis but when I get angry about something I feel the need to shout it from the hills. Now, I will admit that all of the warning signs were there. I first saw the advertisement for this "event", on some random blog with the title "An Intimate Evening with R. Kelly : Just in Time for Mother's Day". First off, who would ever actually take their mom to an R. Kelly show? He is known for basically stripping naked on stage. And I can't imagine the horror one would feel if they saw their mom actually swooning over this. Second, he allegedly had sexual relations with a minor (Aaliyah) and then also allegedly, was caught on tape urinating on another. Wow, just typing that kind of makes the horror of that very real and not as funny as we've always thought it was. But the point is, is this the gift you want to give your mom for Mother's Day??? The second sign was that this event was to take place at The Mansion. If you try and pull up a google image of this place, there's a picture of it taken from a field from about 300 yards away. Once you zoom in, you see that it used to be Club Jaguar! And there is a pic of a bootylicious black woman on the sign. So clearly this venue is a converted strip club, perfect for mothers. Then, when you go to purchase tickets, there were normal general admission tickets ($30), V.I.P. tickets ($50), and a whole host of additional V.I.P. options some of which were in the range of $500 for a table and a bottle of Ciroc. And the dress code for this ghetto fabulous event was listed as "classy and chic" and it was STRICTLY ENFORCED! What is classy and chic? A suit? Purple gators? A top hat and cane? Btw I really should own all 4 of these. If all of this wasn't enough, when you walk into this venue, there is a rather large sign that says no refunds. Aaargh!!! How could I be soo stupid??? I guess I was just blinded by Robert Kelly's large and impressive library of hits and of course his genius, and yes I do mean genius, Trapped in the Closet. Any 90 minute song that includes a midget stripper that bangs someone's wife is pure art.

As far as the scene went, it was a nice atmosphere. I was disappointed that I didnt see any pimp canes or pastel colored suits. For the most part, my people were dressed to the nines but not over the top. My hipster friends were kind of struggling with the dress code. They had to dig deep into their vintage clothing to meet the requirements but even they looked good and everyone was excited for the comedy and awesomeness that was to come. The dj's were spinning good music and noone seemed to care that it was almost 1 a.m. and still no sign on Robert. I think we were all in shock when we went to the back patio of this place and saw two shut down hot tubs. Hut tubs in a shady strip club??? Ugh! I was scared to go near them but would have LOVED to have seen what went down back in the day in these things. I would be laughing in horror for days!!! There was a larger one which I presume was for big time spenders. Again, this is all perfect for Mothers Day! If you are wondering why I am spending so much time on describing the set up and scene and so little on the show, well you're about to find out.

Finally, Robert makes his appearance and everyone goes nuts! It's time for Ignition, Honey Love, Bump n Grind, Sadie. He actually showed up!!! He comes on stage smoking the biggest swisher sweet I have ever seen and then shakes hands with about10 people, smiles, and then disappears in the back with his entourage. Um...ok. And then 2 minutes later he pops up in the V.I.P. section in the corner, sings Ignition, the opening line of My Body's Calling, and then says that he wants for every beautiful lady and also every not so beautiful lady to come into V.I.P. with him. And that was it! There has to be more right? He's just going to say hi to a few ladies and then come back on stage to perform right? Nope. That was it. So naturally everyone starts to boo him. The poor dj's had no clue what was going on, so they just continued to play music. Finally 30 minutes later Robert comes back on stage to more boos and looks angry. "Ya'll can boo me all ya'll want but i'm just trying to get drunk like ya'll. If you show me some love i MIGHT come back and sing some songs" What?!?!?!?!?! At this point  we start throwing things on stage and the dj's start calling him out for being weak. Then to further insult us, the promoter comes out and says that Robert is worth a 250k booking fee and we should show him some respect. Then he basically called us country bumpkins because we dont know what a celebrity hosted party is. Um, this is Austin dude! We throw huge parties for an imaginary children's story character. We dont need some ghetto has been to come to town to party. Oh and music legends come through here on the reg, see the Rolling Stones, Radiohead, Clapton, etc.

All I can say is, I am happy that I only spent the $30. If I had dropped $100 or more, I probably would be in jail today. What about these people Robert? What about your loyal fans that have stuck with you through these horrible allegations, or even the people who never get to go to a show and spent alot of money to see you perform. This might be their one show of the year. Well I am embarrassed for Kelly, and if you happen to read this Elmo, DONT PAY MONEY FOR THIS EVENT. Just pop in some Sex Me and make a booty call instead. This "event" is as WACK as it gets. With that said, I'm off to go listen to Age Aint Nothin But A Number by Aaliyah produced by Robert Kelly.

Lates
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DIciKDEA_5U

Sound of My Voice

One of my favorite actresses/writers in Hollywood right now is Brit Marling. First off, she's beautiful, smart, and didn't rely on a sex tape to bring her fame. Although I certainly wouldnt have any complaints if one leaked featuring a 6'1" inch black male who happens to live in Austin. She graduated from Georgetown with a degree in economics and then moved to Hollywood to give it a shot. She wasn't happy with the roles that were being offered to her so she decided to make her own way by writing her own scripts. Well obviously these ideas were well received because she was able to get her first two movies to premier at Sundance in 2011. Both received good reviews, which is also rare because everyone at Sundance spends most of their time getting hammered, posing for photos, having orgies in hot tubs, oh and then going to see movies. Well at least that's what Entourage tells me. Plus what's the point of being in Hollywood if these things dont really happen at festivals? I mean, these things happen at local fests here all of the time and everyone is poor. Anyway, the first movie that got a wide release was Another Earth. Do yourself a favor and check this out; it is the best sci fi movie I have seen since Moon with Sam Rockwell. Her second release is Sound of My Voice.

I figured that after Martha Marcy May Marlene (great film), I had my fix with movies about cults. But since Brit was involved, there was no way I was missing this film. The setting is LA and it starts off with Peter and Lorna, played excellently by Christopher Denham and Nicole Vicius, trying to infiltrate their way into this cult that is led by Maggie (Marling) who claims to be from the future. The reason they want in, is so they can expose Maggie for the fraud that they believe she is. The movie takes you through the usual initiations and weird customs of most cults and for the first 20 minutes of the movie, its basically Cult 101, as my friend calls it. But then there is this intense moment between Maggie and Peter in front of the group where Maggie, for the first time, puts on display her power of influence and you realize why everyone in the group is mezmerized by her. It's from that moment on that you are locked in and realize that this is not your normal run of the mill indie movie. Peter and Lorna's self perceived sense of mental prowess over the group is weakening and they begin to question, whether or not she is from the future as she claims. And even you as the viewer start to question it, in spite of the numerous signs that she more than likely is a con artist. There is a particularly funny scene where the group asks her to sing a song from the future and its at this time, you are certain that its a con but then yet again, Maggie draws you right back in. And so the movie goes, as in real life with most cults, you find yourself going back and forth trying to convince yourself what is actually true. If she isnt from the future then what exactly is she getting from these cult followers? What's the end game?

Well just when you think the movie will wrap up all nice and neat, they throw you a curve with the final scene and it totally leaves you wondering what really happened in the first 80 minutes. I definitely would suggest going to see this movie and I give it a rating of very FRESH!

The Avengers

Based off of the $207 million this movie made in 3 days, I am pretty sure that there is nothing that I can say here that will keep you from seeing this movie or even convince you to shell out the $13.50 to check it out. It just has way too much momentum right now and you probably have already seen it or are on your way to see it. And good for a film that finally lives up to the hype. So often Hollywood just relies on a brand and one or two big movie stars to try and make money without actually taking the time to come up with a good story.Which is ok when you're talking about a porn or a Jennifer Love Hewitt movie, because I'm only watching for one reason anyway, but when it comes to actual theatrical releases, I would like for my mind to be stimulated as well.

This movie had all the makings of being awful! It's a big budget movie full of fx, a brand name, tons of movie stars, and a writer who used to pen for Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel. Yes, you read that correctly, freaking Angel!!!! Not to mention that outside of the first Ironman, all of the other set up movies were sub par at best. Thor was terrible and forgettable, Captain America was decent but overall boring, the Hulk movies were inconsistent, and Ironman 2 was really just The Avengers prequel with nothing special about it except for Sam Rockwell's dancing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3_nlWpT8Lz0

Did I mention that all of the heroes seemed a bit old? I love Downey but he's old. I hate Mark Scrubballo and he's old. Sam Jacko is old and didnt even yell "We must get these mf'n Avengers to fight these mf'n aliens!!" And the main bad guy, Loki, looked like someone from 30 Seconds to Mars. As a matter of fact, I'm just going to refer to him as Mars from here on out. How could this possibly work? You have all of these characters played by stars who each have their own 200 million dollar movies under their belt; this can't help but be a convoluted mess of a story.

Well after bashing Joss Whedon for writng Angel and the sophomoric Cabin in the Woods, he really came through here. First off, this movie is really funny! Everything that comes out of Downey's mouth is comic gold. Plus as Tony Stark he just automatically adds this element of cool; being a billionaire, genius, playboy, and philanthropist, as he says. I don't want to spoil anything for you, but there are a few gags they pull off with the Hulk that are show stoppers too. Second, and most importantly, he actually finds a way to incorporate every hero in the story without it seeming forced or it becoming too tortuous with multiple story lines. There seems to be a good chemistry between all of the actors and an unexpected cool story line involving Hawkeye and Black Widow. It was good to see Scarlett Johansson actually given something to do besides just standing there looking hot in tight leather. Wait...what am I saying??? This is always enough! And Mars, with the excellent dialogue he was provided, was actually pretty evil. Although the entire movie I kept waiting for Forest Whitaker and Dwight Yoakum to slap him around (this is a Panic Room ref btw if that's too obscure for you).  I would suggest seeing this movie Sunday through Thursday to avoid the kids that will be in the audience on the weekend but I would definitely give this movie a rating of TIGHT! Which is the exact opposite of what I was expecting.

Death of R & B

So strangely enough as I'm sitting at a bar trying to enjoy my Cinco de Mayo, the holiday where we non Mexicans are supposed to be annoying Mexican Americans by invading their bars (or as I call it, their vacation spots), a hispanic man took this opportunity to yell at me about the state of R & B today. Now to his credit, he actually knew his stuff.  But when I say yelling, he was literally two inches from my ear and screaming random things like "Fuck you Mary J Blige!" and "You cant love a woman until you love R & B". Well, he kept buying me tequila shots, so I sat through it. But it got me thinking; I have had sex to Depeche Mode and Radiohead but there is something a little bit different and yes, better when you're rocking Al Green or My Lovin is Digi instead.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HRp8Dz6uRV8
And it's no secret that R &  B is dead. The last great album was D'Angelo's Voodoo. It seems like people are more concerned with making the quick buck by making a club banger that you can booty shake to, instead of making a girl...well you know.  So after much debate and peacing out on my new found annoying friend, I came to the conclusion that Missy Elliott is the one to blame for us arriving at this point. She really changed the game in reference to combining the two worlds of hip hop and r & b and we are stuck with what we have now. Now dont get me wrong, when Missy combined the two, she did it right. Yes she had her club bangers, but she also could still slow it down a bit (check Beep Me 911). It also helps that she was a ghost writer in the game for years and that she worked with Jodeci who helped start this movement. It wasn't long before everybody and their mother was trying to copy her style; even down to her weird videos. But all you got was a watered down imitation that was completely lacking in any originality.  Now we are so far removed from what R & B was to where we can't even recognize it anymore. This is why Amy Winehouse blew up. Sorry guys, but that was NOT R & B.

Well the closest thing we have to a Missy Elliott today is Santigold. I'm actually shocked when I run into people who have never heard of her especially since she's been around for a while and I discovered her at SXSW 4 years ago. The LA Times was really hyping her up and I heard You'll Find A Way and Creator which really impressed me, so I thought it was worth a pop in. Well let's just say that she really knows how to put on a good show. When she came out, it was her, her dj, and two bootylicious girls who looked and acted like they were straight out of Public Enemy. They would just stand there motionless military style while wearing shades and would break out in synchronized dance moves randomly throughout the set.  Every part of her show just brought out the weirdness and fun that had been missing for so long. Well 4 years later, she's still bringing her own spin on R&B and hip hop complete with the weirdness. All I have to say is that when you come on stage to gold rose petals ala Coming to America, that you earn points with me. Check out her song Go or Disparate Youth. You will see that there is a load of talent to accompany her showmanship. Santigold is FRESH!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OJos7KTLue4

Next up is Charles Bradley. This is a true throwback attempt at the soulful R & B our parents grew up. He even kind of looks like James Brown. The problem is, that he tries too hard to be James and not himself. Which is understandable, because if you're going to copy someone, why not be the hardest working man in showbiz. And just looking at the 17 kids Brown produced, it looks like he was doing some major work outside of the recording studio as well. Well the good thing is that Bradley has certainly paid his dues. He has been in the game for decades trying to make it but it wasn't until he teamed up with his recent band until he found success. They brought the right style that young hipsters pretend they recognize from the old days. Combine this with his soulful voice and lyrics about the plight of the black man or missing some lovin from his woman and you've got close to what we have been longing for. The only problem is, that it sort of feels a bit generic.  I'm not saying it's not good but man it really does just sound like James Brown covers. Well, Bradley does have some good songs and everytime he performs he leaves everything he has on the stage. So because of that, I'll give him a rating of slightly WEAK.Check him out though.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tURR-lIv5FA

The Raven

It's hard to figure out John Cusack's career. If you look at his imdb page it's actually alot better than you'd think. We all love him as the kind of cool geek from Sixteen Candles, Better Off Dead, and Say Anything. Then, with the exception of The Grifters, he disappeared into nothingness until Gross Pointe Blanke. A cool, dark comedy with gun play, lots of explosions, and a chubby bad guy who looks like Jaws from the Bond movies. But from that point on, he was in all kinds of action movies, dramas, and horror flicks; which all spit out mixed results. Some good (1408 and Malkovich) and some forgettable (2012 and Must Love Dogs). The good news is he's batting .500 with movies that only have numbers in the title. I guess what I'm getting at, is, is Cusack as versatile as Hollywood thinks he is? Unless it's an off beat comedy with possible explosions, I personally think that he should stay away. He just looks uncomfortable on screen; giving you the Nic Cage over acting vibe. Except Nic Cage is awesome at this and that's the reason we all see his movies, well at least the people in my circle do. More on this to come...

So when I saw the trailer for The Raven, I thought it was a cool concept but wondered why they cast Cusack and not Ryan Phillipe. Or really just anyone who doesn't look awkward in the movie! That was a joke btw, I think Phillipe is kind of awesome but only in movies about rich girls he's trying to bang. Seriously though, was Guy Pierce too busy? He's in everything else this year! He really should think about firing his agent. Anyway, when I saw it, I got exactly what I was expecting. It's a cool concept about a murderer who goes on a killing spree using Edgar Allen Poe's stories and poems as inspiration. The police, accompanied by Poe, are trying to track down the killer using clues from his stories in an attempt to save the life of his fiance' whom the killer is using to taunt Poe. There is a ton of killing and deception in it and by the description I am giving it sounds like it would be suspenseful. However due to poor writing (and this is coming from me) and even worse editing, it's just not. It's just a bunch of scenes of cops running from building to building looking exasperated when they finally reach their destination. If they had simply focused on just a few of his stories for the murderer to use and not his entire library, they could've drawn out the creepiness of this concept  and you could have been more invested in what was happening. Instead, you just kept waiting for the next close up of Alice Eve's breasts. BTW James Mcteigue must have been just as impressed by them as I was because there are multiple shots of Eve's assets. Im not saying, I'm just saying. I dont want to just single out Eve with my next point, because honestly looking back, every actor in here gave the worst performance of their career. Perhaps Mcteigue shouldve casted a smaller breasted Keira Knightley instead so he could have placed his focus on drawing more out of his actors and also spent more time in the editing room.

Oh well, this movie wasn't a complete loss. You do get to look at Eve, and the story does incorporate real events and situations from Poe's life. The highlight of the movie was the murder based upon the Pit and the Pendulum. It's the movie's longest, most gruesome, and funniest murder scene. Honestly, if the movie were 90 minutes of this, it would have received a rating of fresh instead of really WEAK!

Help Me Help You

I have been reluctant to write about these next two artists because it's been pretty hard to find alot of material by them. I love discovering bands in their early phases but sometimes you discover them a bit too early! Granted both Caddywhompus and A$ap Rocky have been around for a few, but finding accessible material by them is like trying to find a non roofied drink at a frat party, good luck with that . Or you can describe my search for their music as trying to find a way not to pay for it. Hey man, when you literally like 2,000 bands, it's kind of hard on your pocketbook.

I didn't discover Caddywhompus until they released their EP, The Weight. The second I heard Age of Wild Spirits, I was blown away! It pretty much sums up what they are all about in 4 minutes. Experimental rock that can range from slow and melodic to hard and grinding within seconds. Based on this one song  I actually went out and paid for their album and all I can say is it's 21 minutes of freshness. It's 4 songs that are packed with different melodies that perfectly compliment the lead singers voice. This is a bit different from their earlier work where the lead's voice stands out too much and it seems like they weren't quite sure what they wanted their sound to be. But now it looks as though they are on a clear path and are certainly improving as musicians. I actually saw them for the first time at a Valentine's Day house party. It was a really strange setting. It was at some other band's house who clearly only threw this party to get laid but did so under the pretense of being a new local venue who was housing a showcase of some of the best new local artists. I almost immediately left when I walked in and heard this guy who called himself The Cocker Spaniels, "singing" and dancing around the room like he was at Eeyore's birthday (google this annual Austin party).He had no band, just a laptop playing awful music and he actually looked like a cocker spaniel himself. But I decided to tough it out. Plus some kind of cute girl kept smiling at me and it was Valentine's Day, so I was thinking maybe I could get the "hey im lonely on a holiday" complimentary lay. I didn't btw, I lost her in the Daft Punk dance party that followed, but the good news is that Caddywhompus killed it! Even their old material sounded pretty good live. The place erupted when they started to play songs from The Weight and I nearly went deaf because I was literally standing right behind the drummer. They are a two piece band and you can tell that they have been playing together for quite some time because they ran a smooth set and sound just like their recorded material. Definitely give these guys a shot if they come to your town.  Based upon their show and the progression of their music, I would give them a rating of FRESH!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zOJYdekMF5k

Next up is A$ap Rocky. I kept missing him when he was here for SXSW and I certainly wasn't going to pay Drake money to go see him. I already got my fill of bad r&b acts when Color Me Badd came to Victoria. But I do love his mixtape. Especially every song that Clams Casino produced, check Palace and Wassup. Some of his biggest songs are Peso and Purple Swag. Just listening to him you can tell he's from New York. He carries that style and that swag. He has skills and he has that laid back calming flow kind of like Ma$e but he doesnt sound dumb like Ma$e. Also I just like typing names with a $ in them. As a matter of fact, my name is now spelled Kell$. But anyway, didnt Ma$e seem like he was the slow kid in school that all of the mean kids made fun of but he some how made it because he was cute?
Check out A$ap for yourself and see if it's your style. MTV is already hopping on this dude, so get on board with him before he's doing songs with Kid Cudi and Bruno Mars. I would rate him as FRESH!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&v=2bDTlqsNYFI&NR=1