Incredibles 2

14 years is a long time to give someone to make a sequel. Look at all that has happened during that time period; America elected its first Black president and then followed that up by electing a game show host, Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat came on the scene, Prince, David Bowie, Michael Jackson, and even The Fresh Prince of Bel Air’s daddy died, Kim Kardashian actually saw a white penis for the first time (Kris Humphries) and then of course immediately went back to black, and the Avengers all came to life and recently died in dramatic fashion. Even people who are waiting for the Second Coming were like "Man, it took you guys long enough!"

But now everyone can finally rejoice because The Incredibles 2 is here. Now sadly Samuel L. Jackson still wasn’t able to sneak in a "motherfucker’ or two in this film, killing his streak of 182 consecutive films in which he’s done so by the way, but in every other way this sequel certainly does live up to the hype.

Even after their latest heroics in Incredibles 1, the world is still not in a place where they are ready to fully trust and let superheroes back into their lives. If you remember anything about the first film, it left off with The Mole wreaking havoc on the city and the Incredibles family all suiting up to stop him. Well part 2 picks up at that same moment, and in typical Incredibles style, they jump through hoops (not actual hoops although that would be a fresh superpower) to stop him but they destroy half of the city in the process. And it is at this point that everyone has had enough, so much so that even the covert operation that once protected the secret identities of the superheroes has lost its funding. So the only option that’s left for them is to give up their once glorious and exciting lives and to go back to the normal and mundane 9 to 5 daily funeral that the rest of us normal humans live.

That is until this rich media mogul, Winston Deavor and his sister Evelyn, decide to reach out to Mr. Incredible, Elastigirl, and Mr. Freeze with an enticing proposition. He loves superheroes like his father once did; and he believes that if superheroes were never barred from using their abilities, that they would have been around to save his father’s life. So he comes up with a marketing campaign that he believes will turn the public’s view around on these recently fallen heroes. Now due to the liability concerns around Mr. Incredible and his occasional carelessness, Deavor decides to start with Elastigirl and her incredible (no pun intended) efficiency in taking down bad guys. Which of course puts a cramp in Mr. Incredible’s lifestyle as he now becomes the modern day version of Mr. Mom while his wife is off getting into exciting but dangerous adventures.

You get to see Elastigirl’s powers on full display while at the same time witnessing just how much of a chore being a stay at home parent is for Mr. Incredible. He’s struggling with teaching Dash new math and completely bungling up his daughter Violet’s boyfriend situation while his wife is off saving lives in dramatic fashion and once again becoming a hero in the public’s eye. But what stands out the most is his family finally discovering their baby Jack-Jack’s superpowers; the clear highlight, and to be honest, the overall focus of the film.

Sure Elastigirl has to face off against this new villain who cleverly uses visual and audio waves to hypnotize whomever he comes into contact with in an attempt to try and stop her and the Deavors’ new campaign but that’s just filler until the next time Jack-Jack turns into a devil baby or pops off into another dimension. And these are just two of his many tricks. The scene where he takes on the raccoon that’s trying to raid their trash is probably the best action piece of the entire franchise.

And in addition to this, writer/director Brad Bird also introduces some new superheroes who, due to the success of the marketing campaign, now feel safe to come out in society and finally display their talents. Which in a sense makes this film the cartoon version of X-Men 2 (my personal favorite of that franchise) because there are so many cool and funny action scenes that involve their powers. Although Reflux Man’s powers were still pretty gross.

Oh, and of course Edna steals the show yet again. When the credits started rolling, I found that I wasn’t initially blown away by this film but the more it sat with me, the more I liked it, and it’s because of that I’m pretty sure you will too. I give it a rating of very FRESH!

Kubo and the Two Strings

Nothing says welcome back to school like seeing a depressing cartoon involving a kid who is forced to live a life of hiding in a cave on a secluded island after he has just lost his eye and basically both of his parents to his vengeful grandfather. But I guess after some parents unwittingly took their children to see Sausage Party, a story with a talking monkey and a half man/half beetle will at least start the road to recovery for these kids after they were exposed to a bagel licking the sacks of a pita in an all-out grocery store orgy.

Although looking back, I don’t know what’s more depressing, the fact that I may have learned a new move or two from that movie (Party) or the fact that I was surrounded by drunken college kids on a Sunday night to see a cartoon where the main hero is a kid. Keep in mind that I don’t have any children of my own to force me into seeing these types of movies, so this decision was totally voluntary. Oh well whatever, I live in a city where it’s perfectly acceptable to play on the swings of a playground at the age of 40 just as long as you’re not on one of those despicable lists that’s made available to all of the homeowners in that particular neighborhood.

So with that in mind, I was excited to finally see an animated film that didn’t have the name PIXAR attached to it. Now Kubo is pretty much the film I described in my opening but unlike my dark portrayal of it, there actually is some hope for our young hero. If Kubo is able to find the magical armor that his father once wore, he should be able to defeat the treacherous Moon King (his grandfather) and finally lead a fairly normal life outside of his depressing cave. But along the way he must avoid the evil twin daughters of his grandfather who have been hunting him down ever since he was a newborn. And the only help he has available to him comes in the form of a sassy and overly protective monkey and a former samurai turned half beetle who has lost his memory and for the most part all of his intelligence. So as you can see, the outlook for poor Kubo appears to be pretty grim.

But as we learn along the way, Kubo has a few magical powers of his own as he has the ability to make paper come to life with the use of his shamisen (guitar) and sometimes even his dreams. Now initially he only uses his powers during the only time that it’s safe for him to be outside (the day) and that’s only to entertain the locals and to provide money and food for him and his sick mother; but as he begins his journey, these magical creatures eventually become his guides as they help him in finding this magical armor. And as they get further into their journey, Kubo’s magical powers continue to grow stronger. But will he be able to fully develop them before the twins catch up to him?

Now I am by all accounts pretty much done wasting my money on 3D films but in hindsight I kind of wished I had shelled out the few extra bucks to experience this movie in 3D. Don’t get me wrong, it’s breathtaking at times even in 2D but seeing the opening scene in its originally filmed format could’ve been one of the best visual experiences I’ve had in a theater this year. The first few minutes alone immediately draw you in as you can’t help but feel that you are in for something special the second you see Kubo’s mother fighting off the gigantic waves with her shamisen in an attempt to protect her and her newborn child. And the fighting sequences that take place between the twins and the monkey rival some of the scenes I absolutely loved in one of my other favorite action cartoons, The Incredibles.

The beetle (voiced by Matthew McConaughey who was given you his best George Clooney impression) provides the majority of the film’s funniest moments. And Kubo with his cool hair and his mysterious eye patch is certain to be a Halloween favorite of quite a few kids this year; that is after all the Captain America and Ironman suits sell out.

Thankfully the writers caught on to the fact that a lot of the material was fairly dark and depressing, so they wrote in some uplifting themes involving redemption, the importance of family, and the power that exists in our memories to help lighten things up a bit. It’s just that you wish they had done their lines of coke BEFORE writing the first two acts of the film so we could smile just a little bit more earlier on in the story. I loved Kubo and I think that you will too. Although I would just be a bit careful when it comes to exposing some younger children to this as you don’t want to be the cause of any early cutter tendencies in your pre emo kids' lives. I give Kubo a rating of very FRESH!
 

The Jungle Book

Since I'm about to reach the tender (I almost spelled that tinder btw) age of 74, I thought it was high time for me to finally experience what it's like to watch a movie with a bunch of screaming kids surrounding me. Hey, if Dick Clark can have a kid at the age of 75 it's certainly not too late for me to have one. Now I'm not saying I want to have a money sucking pet that only has two legs and sneaks out of the house in the middle of the night to be with their boyfriend but I like to be prepared for anything.

So there I was on a Friday afternoon watching The Jungle Book with a bevy of stressed out parents who were all way too excited to spend hundreds of dollars to get their kids out of the house and keep them entertained for a few hours. Is this really what I have to look forward to? Maybe they should just show a film of what toddlers do the hopes and dreams of adults when they're teaching the benefits of abstinence in Health class.

Anyway. I was actually excited to see The Jungle Book because I do remember loving it as a kid and the thought of having a giant bear as my best friend was appealing to me at the time. Of course if I was still searching for a bear to be my friend as an adult male, that would mean something totally different in this day and time but I digress.

Jon Favreau signed on to direct this film, and after the success he had with Zathura, he seemed like the logical choice. He's adept at filming entertaining action set pieces and seems to get what kids as well as adults like to see on screen; and he certainly does deliver in that regard when it comes to Book.

Mowgli is an adorable and likeable kid, Bill Murray was the perfect choice for the bear Baloo, and Idris Elba was fantastic as the evil tiger that wanted to kill Mowgli, Shere Khan. My only real problem was with some of the writing. Now I'd like to think that I have a longer attention span than most kids but man I found myself dozing off a time or two during this film.

I get that the story is about self discovery, finding and being comfortable with your place in life, and creating a sense of harmony with all of nature but save the deeper stuff the Coen brothers movies. There should've been more songs in this film. Hell I'm 187 years old and I still find myself singing Hakuna Matata  every now and then. So if I was getting tired at times, I can only imagine what some of the kids around me were experiencing.

As far as the experience for kids goes, there's really only two or three scary moments in the movie, one of which involves the evil and seductive serpent (Scarlett Johansson) and pretty much any scene with Shere Khan. But honestly nothing happens that your kids haven't seen before.

The tight action in this film more than makes up for any complaints I had about the movie and it's because of this I give it a rating of FRESH! Just please parents, next time you decide to have sex, you may want to consider combining the sponge and the pull out method.

The Peanuts Movie

I was so happy six months ago when I first saw the posters go up in theaters advertising the new Peanuts movie that was coming out this November. This meant that at long last I no longer had to try and figure out the mysterious dates the evil execs at CBS had planned to show their Charlie Brown Thanksgiving and Christmas specials this year. I swear they purposely keep those things under double secret lock and key like Kevin Spacey does Justin Bieber’s gimp suit for whenever he decides to pop into London for a little professional consulting.

Now I know that I can in all likelihood I can probably go online and find these holiday specials whenever I want to but that’s not the point. The point is, whoever has control over the Peanuts kingdom needs to finally let it go so we can have more material; similar to what George Lucas did with Star Wars. Can you imagine if J.J. Abrams got a hold of this and decided to make Charlie Brown Mexican? And even worse, let George Lopez be the man behind his voice? We might have a second Civil War on our hands in this country.

Anyway, thankfully the guys behind Ice Age were given the opportunity to give us the next chapter for our down on his luck hero and I’m pleased to say that they did a solid job. All of your favorites are back and they each get a decent amount of screen time. The only thing they really did differently was tone down how much of a jerk Peppermint Patty is in today’s version versus that of the old school classics. Go back and watch the Thanksgiving special; she was like an ugly mix of Pepe’ le Pew and one of the Alpha Beta frat boys from Revenge of the Nerds.

The updated animation was phenomenal and all of the new people who were responsible for doing the characters’ voices sounded great. But the star of the show as always was Snoopy. A new girl moves to town and Charlie Brown sees this as an opportunity to wipe the slate clean. There will finally be someone in town who doesn’t know about all of his past failures: his never being able to fly a kite, his horrible career as a baseball pitcher, his limitations as a cook, and so on and so on.

The only thing is, he must somehow work up the nerve to talk to her. But he is convinced that the only way he can do so is by doing something spectacular. This is where Snoopy comes in. For 90 minutes he goes through an array of ways to help his shy friend overcome his anxiety, all the while poetically documenting what’s happening on his typewriter through the eyes of his alter ego, the Flying Ace.

This provides the movie’s coolest and funniest moments by far. Just looking at what the animation department was able to do with these scenes makes it worth the price of admission alone and it will definitely wake your kid up if their short term attention spans start to wane a bit.

I absolutely loved this film and I honestly think that there is something in it for everyone. And the fact that they paid Trombone Shorty a ton of money to do the adults’ voices is hilarious to me. I rate this movie as FRESH and I suggest that you see it with your family over Thanksgiving.


 

Inside Out

I have finally come to the conclusion that I will never truly understand women or how their minds work. Heck, I have a hard enough time understanding myself and the thirty different emotions I feel while watching a stupid baseball game, so I can’t even imagine a lifetime of feeling this way or being in this emotional state(btw I realize women aren’t really this unstable… are they???). Well I went into Inside Out hoping that they would shed some light on this matter for me, albeit through the mind of an 11 year old girl, but hey, you have to start somewhere!

Inside Out takes you into the mind of young Riley, an 11 year old girl who seems to have everything going right for her; she has a loving family, great friends, and even a budding hockey career. All of her emotions appear to be in check as Joy reigns supreme and is in charge of all of her other emotions which include Sadness, Fear, Disgust, and Anger. Well one day Riley is forced to leave her home in Minnesota and move to San Francisco because her father got a new job, and from the very second they arrive all of her emotions begin to get out of whack.

Her emotions are portrayed as these little beings who live in her head that accurately reflect their particular state (i.e. anger or fear) and each one of them at some point controls how Riley reacts to her surroundings via a giant joystick in her brain. Well after the move to San Francisco, Joy and Sadness somehow get lost in her mind and it’s up to them to find their way back to the main control center in her brain before things really get out of control.

Going into this movie, I was told that there were going to be plenty of gut wrenching moments and that I would cry for the last 20 minutes straight. And while I wasn’t quite balling in the theater, I did find myself getting a bit misty eyed at a few moments. You find yourself getting attached to some of the new characters Joy and Sadness run into and you, along with Joy, begin to realize that your body truly does need every emotion you experience on a daily basis.

There are plenty of goofy moments for both kids and adults, which is the true mark for great family film. When Joy and Sadness enter the Imagination Zone or the Dream World, the writers go deep enough to entertain and grab the attention of the adults while at the same time keep things silly enough for the kids to laugh at and enjoy as well. And sadly I found myself giggling more at the stuff that was intended for the six year olds than the 36 year olds but you should have been able to figure that out by now from my writing style.

I honestly can’t wait to see this movie again so that I can catch some of the stuff I missed the first time around; the writers really do explore quite a bit of the mind and how it works. Plus all of the cartoon characters are really cute and I can see them being a big hit once Halloween comes around this year. Inside Out is a smart, funny, and enjoyable ride for everyone and I suggest that you pop in. I rate this movie as very FRESH!

Big Hero 6

Here is what I learned from going to see Big Hero 6 in the theater last night; I learned that really cute women go to see these movies by themselves and I'm not just talking the soccer moms either! I walked in and saw a cute Anne Hathaway look alike just sitting in the theater by herself with this huge grin on her face because she was so excited for what she was about to see. How did I not know that this was a thing before now??? I could've already been re-enacting scenes from Rachel Getting Married; and if you have seen that movie then you know exactly what I'm talking about! I guess when it comes to cartoons I typically only see Pixar movies in the theater, so I still had this negative connotation of screaming children and overweight moms guzzling down 40 ounces of Mr. Pibb right next to me and ruining any chance I had of enjoying the film. But I of all people should know that Austin is a very, very different place.

So after walking in and seeing this, I had already considered this movie viewing experience a success but was hoping for a cherry on top once the film actually got started. Big Hero 6 is the latest movie adaptation of a Marvel comic and it takes place in San Fransokyo; this explains the white looking Asian kid that's our protagonist in the story, Hiro. Hiro is a young teenage genius who has already graduated from high school but spends most of his time hustling gamblers at the local underground robot battles. His brother Tadashi is tired of seeing him waste his potential so he takes him to his school to introduce him to his nerdy friends and to show him the lab where they work in hopes that it will inspire him to use his mind for something productive. Well his plan works and Hiro finds himself especially drawn to his brother's invention Baymax; a giant white, inflatable, and huggable robot that is designed to be a personal healthcare provider for anyone who needs it.

Drawing from his newfound inspiration, Hiro immediately gets to work on an idea of his own so that he can enter it into the school's competition and hopefully earn himself entry into the university. But what he doesn't realize is that what he invents is so revolutionary that everyone will want to get their hands on it and will do so at any cost. It's here where the story picks a bit because something awful happens as a result of what he created and he decides to upgrade Baymax and his new friends' inventions to help bring the culprit to justice.

This movie felt like a cross between Val Kilmer's Real Genius and Pixar's The Incredibles. It has more than enough to keep the kids entertained as everything Baymax says and does is hilarious. Plus you can just look at him for the entire 90 minutes and never get tired of it; he's just that cute of a character. He brings the same lovable qualities that Wall-E brought to the screen except he learns karate and can actually form complete sentences.

And there are a ton of cool action scenes to help keep the older people entertained too. Once Hiro and his friends get in their superhero suits and do what comes natural to them, it feels like you're watching a live action Marvel movie at that point because most of those action scenes are nothing but CGI themselves. One of my personal highlights from Hero was the car chase scene that was clearly inspired by the Marky Mark version of the Italian Job; it involved the evil villain rocking a cool mask and what appeared to be a Rav 4 mini car. You'll just have to experience it for yourself.

I have to say that I was thoroughly entertained and will definitely buy this movie once it leaves the theaters. I rate it as very FRESH and suggest that you pop in.

Maleficent

Recently there have been many moments in my life that have reminded me of the fact that I'm 84 years old. One of which is the fact that it seems like everyone that is on that stupid Tinder app is 23 or younger! Hell, even I automatically swipe left without looking at their picture when I see a woman my own age on there; notice how I didn't say "after I read their bio" because really, who does that? Anyway that's another story for another time. The most recent incident is when I went to see Maleficent starring Angelina Jolie. I remember the days when she was cast as Lara Croft in those awful Tomb Raider movies simply because she looked exactly like her; a rather buxom beauty that had the power to make you sit in a dark room for hours at a time. It's funny how some of the other definitions of buxom is 'to be obsolete' or 'to offer little resistance'; as that is the perfect definition of her and her figure today. 

I wont make fun of the fact that we can no longer take pleasure in her rather ample sized chest area, for the simple fact that she had a mastectomy to possibly save her life, and I fully respect that. Who cares about some borderline creep like me who wants to drool over a glorious D cup that I will never actually get to see in person? But what I will harp on is the fact that she's become like every other actress in Hollywood and that is a skinny waif of her former self. She looks so sickly that it was overly distracting for the first third of the film, so much so that I missed out on the cool dragon like creatures that were wreaking havoc during one of the fight scenes because all I could focus on was the Skeletor with wings! The younger generation can watch and enjoy the entire film because all they've ever known is the Skeletor with 30 random kids in her home but me, all I want is the crazy Jolie that has sex with old men like Billy Bob Thorton. Yes, I secretly hope that she will once again live out her daddy issues through me.

Anyway, for us old folks, once you get past the shock of the sickly looking Jolie you will actually be able to enjoy what is a pretty good take on a classic fairy tale. Maleficent gives you a deeper look into the background of the evil fairy that put a curse on Princess Aurora. You see the younger versions of both her and Stefan; one an inhabitant of the land of Moors and the other (Stefan) is from the land of the humans. There is peace at the time between the two lands but they are very different people; the humans are greedy and ambitious and this requires them to have a king. Whereas the land of the Moors is full of creatures that trust one another and require no leader because they are full of joy and happiness. Once Maleficent and Stefan meet one another, they instantly fall in love, but it isn't long before Stefan's desire to rule the kingdom takes over and he betrays Maleficent.

She grows bitter and angry and decides to get even with him on the day of celebration for his newborn baby Aurora. She puts a curse on her that on her sixteenth birthday she will prick her finger on the spindle of a spinning wheel; putting her in a deep sleep, only to be awaken by the kiss of true love. You know how the rest goes, and for a while it actually follows the old story, that is until Maleficent decides to keep an eye on the young Aurora and eventually begins to form a relationship with her. And it isn't until the day of her sixteenth birthday where things come to a head and the ultimate battle between the Moors and the humans takes place; putting poor Aurora in between a world that she has grown to know and love and world that she barely knows but is naturally drawn to.

I glossed over some of the major changes they made to the plot because I want for you to experience them on your own. I thought they were pretty cool and worked for the most part. For a PG movie I thought the action was entertaining enough to satisfy my blood thirty palate and there were some cool looking creatures in it as well. I am cheap, so I saw it in 2D but it definitely looked like it would have been cool to see in its 3D format. The playful jokes between the three fairies and the mud fights between the frogs and Maleficent will keep your kids giggling, as will Diaval (Maleficent's raven) with his constant complaining.

For the first time in a while, there is a live action kids film that really does have something in it for every age. It seems however that the story was written by some older men and women who are still single and suffering from the dating scene in LA. It warns young boys that their selfish ambitions and needs can lead them to overlook what's truly important to them and that's the women in their life. And by overlooking and using them to get what they want, this can lead to some pretty angry and vindictive women that will hate men for the rest of their lives. But let me caution women that this movie also implies that simply having a child or essentially stealing someone else's will make everything right with the world again! Just stop it please! I've seen Raising Arizona; I know how that story ends.

I rate this movie as FRESH and suggest that you check it out.

Muppets Most Wanted

Some of us never grow up! There are some adults in this world that still collect toys, some play kickball, some join adult hide and go seek leagues, and others are stuck in the days of when Kelly LeBrock and Chaka Khan were hot! I won't say which of these categories I fall in but lets just say I spent my entire lunch watching Weird Science and wishing I had a big black lady baking me dessert while singing "I feel for you! I think I loooove you!" So it should come as no surprise that the return of the Muppets made over 100 million dollars worldwide and that they decided to not only make a sequel to it but also decided to show it in theaters where you can drink beer. The last part of that I am certainly not complaining about but they should know their audience just a bit better when showing the previews. Just because I am seeing The Muppets doesn't mean I want to see every other children's flick that's coming out this year. I have no desire to see Rio 8 with Bruno freaking Mars and Kristen Chenoweth! And why feel the need to pay Bruno 1 million dollars to do a voice in this cartoon? Kids are going to annoy their parents into taking them to this catastrophe anyway, just save the money on Bruno and hand out cyanide popsicles for the adults as they walk into the theater, this way they don't die a slow death.

Anyway, I was channeling the two old men from The Muppets with that rant, so sorry about that. This movie picks up right from where it's predecessor left off and you immediately get the old men complaining; which of course had me cheering! They along with Animal are my favorite characters and thankfully this movie features just enough of the both of them. The crew is at a loss in regard to what their next move should be, that is until the shady "agent" Dominic Badguy (Ricky Gervais) comes into the picture. He lies and tells them that his name is French and pronounced "bad'g ee" to deflect from the obvious fact that he is evil and using them as part of a secret plan to steal the Crown Jewels. He is in cahoots with the recently escaped and world's most dangerous criminal Constantine, or as I like to call him, Evil Kermit. And through some awesome trickery, they convince the German police that Kermit is in fact Constantine and have him arrested and sent off to a Russian prison which is run by Tina Fey. So off they go, on a world tour featuring Evil Kermit and the hoodwinked Muppet clan as Interpol (TyBurrell) along with Sam Eagle try to figure out why there are random burglaries at every one of their stops.

This movie keeps in the spirit of The Muppets you remember from the past; a ton of crazy characters each with their own agendas that Kermit has to try and manage on his own. It's full of awesome puns and random celebrity appearances as well. Speaking of, Gervais seemed to be simply collecting a check with his performance. At one point during one of his song and dance numbers, he looked directly into the camera as if to say "You guys owe me an extra 500k for this". He could have at least put forth an effort or two to try and crack a smile. Maybe he had one too many pints before each take. Fey along with Burrell however seemed to enjoy themselves. Although I do have to say I was expecting just a bit more weirdness from Fey; maybe she felt the need to tone it down since it's a pg movie. But couldn't they have at least given her a cross dressing boyfriend or something?

Maybe I'm just getting old but some of the celebrity appearances I either didn't recognize or I simply couldn't understand why it was such a big deal that they were in the movie in the first place. In the end it didn't matter however as the movie had me laughing the entire time. But with that said, the movie does run a little long. I don't have children but I can imagine them and their short attention spans getting tired around the 90 minute mark. Thankfully I had a cute drunk girl sitting next to me to help keep my attention with her nice rack and her awesome Animal t-shirt that she wore to cover it! Bret from Flight of the Conchords once again wrote the songs for this movie, so if you like him and that show's humor, you should like this movie as well.

I will rate this movie as FRESH and I hope that you don't get the old lady in the theater that laughs way to hard at some of the jokes like I did.

Oz The Great and Powerful

Teenage angst has paid off well, now I’m bored, old, and still broke. So I figure that since I am getting old it might be time to prepare myself for doing things that old people do; like marrying someone who’s really young, buying me a few more years before worrying about having kids and my life officially being over. You really can’t blame me for this strategy as Ted Danson laid the foundation for this kind of thinking in Cheers; until he fell for the flat chested Diane for some strange reason. But my first order of business is to actually start liking kid’s movies again, and by kids movies I mean anything that’s not R rated. So I ventured out to see Oz The Great and Powerful starring an only half baked James Franco. 

This movie serves as the back story to the actual wizard of the make believe land of Oz. Sam Raimi of Spiderman fame starts the 3D movie in 8mm black and white footage to let us know that we are in fact in the real world and back in a time before Technicolor existed. It’s really distracting and you honestly could care less about what’s happening on screen but the gist of it is is that James Franco plays this low life magician in a traveling circus whose tricks have finally gotten him into trouble and he has to escape via a hot air balloon. He somehow ends up in a tornado in Kansas and  after pleading with God to spare him in exchange for him do something great, he winds up in the colorful and 3D land of Oz.

Once he crash lands into a pond, we are immediately introduced to quite a few interesting and beautiful creatures, one of which happens to be Mila Kunis. This is where you wish that this was not a G rated movie, because Franco who after being saved, immediately reverts back to slime mode and seduces the young and innocent good witch Kunis. During their introduction Kunis informs him that he is the fulfillment of the prophesy, as the great and powerful wizard who comes from the sky and saves them from the wicked witch. Franco, knowing that he is just a simple con man plays along for a bit so that he can get more answers about this mysterious land he is in. We eventually learn that he is to defeat the evil witch and once he does he can then claim his rightful crown as the ruler of Oz. He agrees to give it a try because there is a lot of gold at stake but along the way we are introduced to a few characters that will aid him in his journey and will ultimately lead to him either changing into the man he promised he’d become or continuing to be the low life we were initially introduced to. He is in a race against time (yes I just typed that and I’m not proud of it) as he must decide which witches he can trust. 

I’ll leave the rest of the story for you to experience on your own but in my view the reason this movie works is because of the writing. Every one of the actors in it gives a mediocre to ok performance but it’s a children’s movie so it’s kind of hard to give memorable and moving effort if you spend 80% of the time talking to a cgi china doll or talking monkey. I guess John Revolta was able to pull it off while interacting with a talking baby Bruce Willis but please, that is acting royalty we’re talking about. The story is good and there are quite a few life lessons discretely being taught as you move along. You also cant help but root for Franco to finally shape up and become the good guy so these wonderful  tinkers, winkies, and witches can be saved. 

There’s enough cool cgi and clever use of non violent action to keep you entertained. And is doesn’t hurt that Mila Kunis and Rachel Weisz are on the screen quite a bit. The entire time you really do believe that Franco spent his down time smoking roaches and raiding the buffet table but he holds it together long enough to film a 2 hour movie. Now I know parents want to keep their kids occupied for as long as possible but this may run just a little too long for them. But hey, it’s better than chasing them around the house picking up the puke and poop that they leave behind. I don’t know, I assume that this is what children do. Kind of makes them sound like untrained pets…man it’s so obvious that I’m not settling down for a while. I rate this movie as FRESH! 

 

Frankenweenie

I would like to think that I will eventually give up on Tim Burton but I know in my heart I never will and it's mainly because I keep waiting for him to give us the next Ed Scissorhands or Pee Wee's Big Adventure. He however just continues to give us the crappy old man version of Burton who seems to have lost his edge. The thing about this new evil version of Timmy is  he keeps teasing of us with glimpses of his past freshness and thankfully Frankenweenie falls into this category. I was lucky enough to go to a Tim Burton exhibit at LACMA in LA and it was awesome. You were able to see all of his sketches and puppets he made as a kid and you learn that early on this was a different dude. He had this weird carnival inspired imagination and for whatever reason that clicked with me. Maybe it's because I'm from small town Texas. But you could see it resonating in every piece of art that he produced. They also had on display  some of the short films he made as he grew older and you could see the origins of some of the characters we'd later be introduced to in his major releases. Well one short that stood out was Frankenweenie.

Frankenweenie was, and the same applies to today's version; about this young boy and his dog. The two were inseparable as Sparky was Victor's only real friend. Well one day Sparky dies and Victor is having the hardest time coping with it until one day he tries to revive his canine companion via electricity, just like Frankenstein. Burton took you through the boy's complicated set up for the experiment and you eventually see that Sparky is brought back to life. And that is essentially where the short ends. Well this movie carries it a step further and shows the aftermath and consequences that come with messing with death. And you are finally introduced to some of the typically weird Tim Burton characters in the form of Victor's classmates. There is the smart and cunning Japanese kid who also happens to be the school's best baseball pitcher (funny), the creepy blonde girl who looks like a cracked out Amy Poehler and who also happens to collect her cats poo because each one is a clairvoyant prediction of something to come, and the most memorable one is Burton's ode to Igor in the form of Edgar E Gore. By the end the entire town is under attack by some pretty imaginative looking creatures.

So all in all you get what you should expect from this film; lots of creepiness, some sly humor, and an actual good story. Throughout the entire film there are all sorts of references to the classic horror movies that obviously inspired Timmy as he was growing up. I just wish that he would stick to this formula. Or at the very least just do what Shai Ladouche does. Blame everyone else for the terrible movies he makes. The only thing that Ladouche doesnt realize is that he has come out and basically said that every movie he has made has sucked. Maybe it's because he's in them! Check out his imdb. It's amazing that he's not  in a The Facts of Life reboot starring Hillary Duff!
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0479471/

Anyway, I rate Frankenweenie as pretty FRESH and suggest you go see it!

Brave

I love most of the Pixar movies of recent years. The Incredibles was the best movie that came out that year and I still talk almost on a weekly basis about Wall-E and Ratatouille. Oh and Ratatouille must always be pronounced R-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-ratatouille while making French hand motions. The kids working the box office love me when I ask for my movie ticket. But as of late it seems like Pixar has just been getting lazy which releases like Cars 2 and Toy Story 3000. When I saw the first 5 minute trailer they released for their latest effort Brave, I thought I was watching a J.J. Abrams(Cloverfield) ad. After I saw it, I still had no clue what the movie was about. So this young fiery and rebellious girl hates her parents, doesnt want to get married, and can shoot arrows with deadly accuracy? Ok, so this is a cartoon about a Bolivian stripper??? Is this really appropriate for children?

Well after seeing the film, the movie was just what I thought. No, it's not really about a Bolivian stripper but is it sad that I secretly wished it was? But it's really about a rebellious girl and her rift with her mother who so desparately wants her to look and behave like a queen. Which, no matter how hard Merida (Macdonald) fights it, it's her destiny. Well in this battle of wills, Merida reaches out to a witch to try and help her and in the process has a dangerous spell cast on her mom by mistake. So now she must do whatever is necessary to help break that spell within a certain timeframe or the spell will become permanent and could lead to deadly consequences.  It's a decent story and is actually a great one if I were a father of 18 and needed any excuse to get out of the house and keep the kids occupied. But I'm not! I'm a single dude who still thinks it's cool to see cartoons in the theater. Pixar movies used to have the right formula; a storyline or at least enough references in the story that's really geared for adults while having just enough gags to keep kids interested so everyone in the theater is laughing. But this entire movie is really just a bunch of physical comedy and is preching to young kids to be more understanding of their parents and for parents to not be so overbearing. Yawn! If I want this I'll watch reruns of the Smurfs.

If you're a adult with no kids, skip this Pixar offering and read a book instead. However if you're a family, go take the kids to see it as they will love you forever. Because this movie is full of bears, fairy looking wisps, witches, and misbehaving triplets. I rate this movie as kind of WEAK!