Les Miserables

It takes a lot for me to go see a musical but I knew that with the momentum Tom Hooper had behind The King’s Speech and the fact that he was adapting the beloved musical Les Miserables that this movie would be up for an abundance of Golden Globe and Oscar nominations. And I can’t rightfully hate on a movie until I have seen it, well actually I can but this format requires that I actually see something before I can help save you from the pain. Now let it be known, I actually loved Tim Burton’s Sweeney Todd which was also a musical but that had throat slashing and a busty Helena Bonham Carter.  There was no throat slashing in this but it did have a busty Anne Hathaway so that alone had me excited to see it. She has been known to throw off her top at the drop of a hat. But alas, even though she turns into a prostitute within the first 15 minutes of being on screen (score!!) there was no nudity. 

My buddy’s wife talked about the musical and the movie with such glowing romanticism that I didn’t have the heart to tell her that she actually made it all sound really…well…for lack of a better term, gay! I know it’s not cool to use that word anymore but in this case it actually fits. Only gay men and straight women should see this movie because it’s made specifically for them. These two groups can truly appreciate cute college boys singing about the revolution, as she puts it. And the singing is part of the problem, there’s way too much of it. The entire movie is all singing. There is no spoken dialogue at all with the exception of the occasional “thank you”.  At some point you need a break but Hooper continues to beat you over the head with song after song. It’s like he’s punishing you for going to see this movie strictly with the hopes of getting laid afterward. 

So for those who aren’t too familiar with the musical, it’s basically about Jean Valjean (Jackman) turning his life around after being jailed for stealing a loaf of bread for his starving niece/nephew. But in the process he skips out on his parole and is in essence a fugitive from the law. And this is where the ruthless and relentless officer Javert  (Crowe) comes into play. It seems like no matter where Jackman moves, Crowe is there as well. Jackman meets Fantine (I was scolded for mispronouncing her name when all I really wanted to call her was boobs mcgee) played wonderfully by Hathaway. Not just because she is beautiful in all her pastiness  but because she can actually sing. Her performance of I Dreamed A Dream will easily get her an Oscar Nomination. Just don’t be like me and think that you walked into the wrong theater and somehow caught the ending of the movie. Her character does indeed die early on but before she does Jackman makes a vow to look after her daughter Cosette. Cosette now with a new lease on life herself meets the man of her dreams with only a glance (gay sorry but it is) in the form of Marius (Redmayne). 

Now for whatever reason Hooper takes you through 40 useless minutes of the French Revolution when in reality it had no true bearing on the outcome of the movie. I get that he was trying to remain true to the musical but the actual musical is 18 hours in length, there’s no absolutely no reason to talk about the French for that long.  Also Russell Crowe was an awful miscast. He can act but he cannot sing and every time he tried to, it was so comical that it took you right out of the movie. Now eventually I began to look forward to his singing because it was funny how when it came time for him to hit his high notes they would simply raise the volume of the music and increase the sound of the rain or running water to help drown (pardon the pun) him out. Finally towards the end, it was as if he had given up and just tried rapping the lyrics, which honestly would have made this movie really fresh! 

The only thing this movie had going for it was the fact that Hooper decided to go against the convention of recorded singing and instead filmed everyone singing their parts live. The is significant because it allows the actors freedom to completely change the feel of a scene if they want to convey an emotion that they didn’t initially feel during the read through.  The actors who benefited the most from this were Jackman, Hathaway, Redmayne, and Samantha Barks who played Eponine. Overall its not a bad movie, as the set pieces and costume design are excellent.  But it’s just way too long of a movie. My friend who I had no chance of sleeping with fyi, loves and I mean loves musicals. She watches 20 hours of American Idol, The Voice, X Factor, Disney movies, Justin Bieber, etc every week (no I’m not kidding and no she’s not 12) looked at me 2 hours into and said “man, is this movie ever going to end???”. And she loves Les Miserables! So overall  I rate this movie as kind of WEAK!