The first Zoolander was so fresh and original in that it was the first time anyone ever really gave us an inside and funny look into the world of male modeling and how ridiculous it can be at times. Now I'm not saying that Ben Stiller provided us with an accurate documentary of what that world is truly like but at least it was nice detour from the stale and overdone frat house comedies that had become the norm in Hollywood.
Every other line in that film was a quotable classic and all of the cameos, including Billy Zane's, worked on levels that I'm sure even the writers weren't expecting. But as is always the case when it comes to comedy sequels, they spend far too much time trying to rehash jokes from the original and less time coming up with something new. Yeah it was funny the first time around but what have you got for me now?
Well unfortunately for us, when it comes to the woefully disappointing Zoolander 2, the answer is nothing. Anchorman 2 was easily the worst movie I have seen in the past 20 years and I am thankful to say that this movie isn't quite as disastrous as that flop was but it does come fairly close at times. In Stiller's search for more money, he recaps what Derek Zoolander has been up to for the last 15 years; and that includes his mistakenly killing his wife while simultaneously injuring his best friend Hansel in a tragic building accident, his losing custody of his only son due to poor and potentially harmful parenting skills, and finally his forced seclusion into the far reaches of northern New Jersey.
Now I get that the setup actually sounds kind of funny but boy does it ever drop off significantly from that point on. One day out of the blue, Billy Zane shows up to convince Zoolander that he should try and get his son back, and that the perfect opportunity for him to do so is through the new modeling contract he is being offered from the latest fashion mogul Alexanya Atoz (played by the unfunny Kristen Wiig). Zoolander eventually agrees and sets off to Italy, along with Hansel who has also been recruited by Atoz, to get back into the game. However the weird thing is, someone is killing off all of the beautiful people in the world and Interpol agent Valentina (Penelope Cruz, yes I know this is approaching Denise Richards as Christmas Jones territory) is worried that Zoolander is next.
Well what follows is 90 minutes of pure pain. 95% of the jokes fall flat but for some reason they keep coming back to them as if we're dumb enough to laugh at them the third time around. None of the new cameos are nearly as cool as the ones in the first movie, with the exception of the odd All which was played creepily by Benedict Cumberbatch, and they fail miserably in their attempt to make fun of hipsters. All they really accomplished with this failed joke was reveal to us how unbelievably out of touch they are by making the film's main hipster look and act like an extra from the movie Clueless. Oh the irony! I'm sorry Stiller but hipsters don't dress, look, and act like stoned dread heads from the 90's; not yet anyway. We have at least another 5-7 years before that takes off.
Now I'd give him credit for looking towards the future but there's no way he's that cool. I almost walked out of the theater when they resorted to Benny Hill tactics when Stiller rode the back of Cruz like she was a dolphin in one of the film's action scenes; and no I don't mean that kind of action. But I had invested way too much time at that point so I decided to stick it out; and no I don't mean in that way.
There were 5 or 6 truly funny moments in this film, most of which involved Will Ferrell but ultimately it was a terrible waste of my Friday night. If you must see this film, I strongly suggest waiting for Netflix when you do as I give this movie a rating of WACK!
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