Mud

It’s refreshing when you see a director properly capture a specific region’s charm without overly glamourizing it. I have a buddy from New York who recently clued me in on the fact that everyone in the northeast is just as jaded as he is. Even at age 12 when his family moved to San Diego and his friends tried to teach him how to surf, his response was “Surfing??? That’s outside! Fuck surfing son!!” Only someone like Scorsese or Spike Lee can make these people seem endearing.  Well Jeff Nichols, who is quickly becoming one of my favorite directors, along with Benh Zeitlin (in spite of his stupid name spelling) were able to do the same for the south in Mud and Beasts of the Southern Wild respectively.

Mud continues the hot streak that Matthew McConaughey  is on. Gone, it seems, are his days of making romantic comedies with talking horses like Mr. Ed. Ed aka Sarah Jessica Parker is finally fading into nothingness and this is freeing McConaughey from the evil spell that her shark eyes has put him and Hollywood under.  He can once again make decent movies without getting away from what he does naturally; relying on his southern accent and charm. Strong acting is what drives Nichol’s films and this picture is no different. I am always leery when a movie relies on child actors but Tye Sheridan (Ellis) and Jacob Lofland (Neckbone) deliver great performances in solidly portraying two young boys growing up in the country; versus some of their counterparts who look and sound like they are reciting their Easter speeches on screen.

Mud tells the story of Ellis and Neckbone, who while exploring a nearby island, discover a boat that’s stuck in the trees. Once they climb up with the hopes of turning it into their clubhouse, they realize that someone is actually living in it. This is when they meet the mysterious Mud (McConaughey) and make a deal with him to bring him food in exchange for the boat. Well as they get to know each other and form a friendship they learn that Mud is waiting to meet up with the love of his life Juniper (Reese Witherspoon) who is in town and awaiting further instructions from him. It isn’t until Ellis and his mom are stopped by a police barricade on the highway one day that Ellis discovers that Mud is a wanted man by the authorities.  Ellis and Neckbone confront Mud about his fugitive status and this is where the movie picks it up a notch.

If you go in not knowing much about the film, you think you know what to expect; the typical, boys get in too deep with a criminal and really discover that he is a bad man and therefore puts their lives in danger. But that’s not this movie’s focus; it’s about Ellis learning some pretty hard lessons about life early on and how he looks to the superstitious McConaughey and his quest to reunite with Juniper to help him cope with the broken marriage between his parents and his own insecurities about relationships and how they should end up. The entire time it seems like the only pure advice he is getting is from Mud but you are never really sure about McConaughey's character. Can he really be trusted? You keep waiting for him to show his true colors but you also want to believe that he is a good man mainly because he is McConaughey, much like Denzel in Training Day.

This movie moves slow at times, but just like the wonderful Take Shelter, every bit of the story that is told is necessary to set the overall tone of the film. The final climatic scene seems a bit out of place, but the action junkie in me loved every second of it. So I really liked this film and I give it a rating of very FRESH. 

Trance

It’s funny how having a smart agent and getting a string of good roles can completely change the public’s perception of you. When I was first exposed to James McAvoy, I instantly hated him because all I could see was this scrawny little scrub that should have been repeatedly punched in the face by the fresher actors on screen. The Last King of Scotland was the perfect example of this; Forest Whitaker should never ever get punked by scrubs. I know McAvoy was simply acting but unless you’re Daniel Day Lewis or Danny Devito, who never let their true selves come through on screen; then some part of your actual personality will be displayed through your performance. So it wasn’t until he started getting cool roles in action movies like the ridiculous Wanted or the surprisingly good X-Men First Class that my hatred for him began to rescind. I’m fairly certain however it’s because you’re so focused on the explosions and/or Jolie’s boobs that you actually pay less attention to McAvoy.

Conversely, my perception of Rosario Dawson was starting to take a turn for the worse. When she first came out, she was playing the cute sassy girl from New York who showed her boobs on the regular. But lately she has been getting cast as the older cop lady who wears multiple layers of clothing; which would be ok if she were a Jessica Chastain, but she’s not. She needs to rely on her great assets and roll her head every 5 minutes as she talks. “Oh no you didn’t!!”

In Trance, she plays a hypnotherapist who dresses like she lives in Iceland. Thankfully her role only requires her to talk slightly seductively, so its not too far from what her skill set can handle. But the good news is, there are multiple full frontal nude shots of her in this mind twist of a movie. Danny Boyle’s has a knack for taking an average story and making it visually stimulating. He made it cool to like zombies again with 28 Days Later, gave birth to the space zombie in Sunshine, and actually convinced me to watch a dude and rock for 90 minutes in 127 Hours. Well here again he has what seems like a pretty straightforward story.

Simon (McAvoy) is an art auctioneer who one day tries to foil the attempted robbery of a Goya painting but is knocked out cold by Vincent Cassel who walks away with the famous piece that is worth $27 million. But once Cassel and his crew get to their rendezvous point, they discover that McAvoy somehow gave them the slip with the painting as it is not in the container that it was supposed to be in. Due to the major blow to head that he took via a shotgun,  McAvoy is suffering amnesia as to what occurred on that day and therefore can’t remember what he did with the painting. But you learn that apparently he was a part of the attempted robbery with Cassel and crew and it looks like he tried to run off with it on his own. He can’t remember if this was in fact the case or not so he agrees, after being tortured for a bit, to help them in trying to locate the painting so they can finish the score as originally planned. So they go to the seemingly chosen at random hypnotherapist Dawson to see if she can help him remember the events of that day.

Now it all seems pretty simple to this point and you find yourself thinking that this would normally be a good B movie for Showtime, but that’s just the point of the movie when additional layers start to get peeled back. You get more insight as to how complicated the brain really is and you start to lose a sense of what is real and what is a product of your mind compensating for something that is missing in your timeline. Even at the end when they try and explain everything, you find yourself reluctant to believe the explanation they are giving you as you have been duped multiple times before.

The underrated Cassel is his usual good self although he is playing a slightly more serious version of his Ocean’s 12 character. And Danny Boyle keeps the movie interesting even in the slower moments with his weird camera angles and set design. I think there are one too many twists in this movie but overall I liked it and definitely think that you should check it out before it goes to Redbox. Dawson’s boobs only give this movie a rating of FRESH!

Diiv, Crystal Castles, and Doldrums

You never know what you’re going to get with Canadians. Sometimes you’ll get surprises in the form of the Japandroids, Crystal Castles, and yes even Drake; I’m sorry Snow but you only get honorable mention at this point. But then you also get terrible bands like The Tea Party and the Doldrums. Or you're stuck watching Owen Pallett make out with the lead singer of Grizzly Bear on stage. I wasn’t quite prepared for this but my friend informed me that the Bear lead had officially come out and that Pallett may be his lover. I guess it’s possible, Pallett has been known to play Final Fantasy and dress in character for said game. I just wish I was given a heads up so I could be prepared to see male on male action while drinking my tall boy of Tecate. It was like being exposed to Peter North’s earlier work for the first time all over again. (shuttering) Let’s just move on.

So I show up early for the rave that is a Crystal Castles show in order to finally check out the Doldrums. I kept hearing about them during SXSW and wanted to see if they had more than the two OK songs I heard online. Thankfully I never got around to seeing them because they ended up being like the poor girls in Peter North’s movies; just an awful awful white mess! They are the quintessential  “we got drunk in college one night and decided to form an awful band” band that somehow got lucky and ended up opening for the Castles. Their lead singer was wearing an oversized pseudo pirate shirt that the curly haired scrub in Color Me Badd wore (how many 90’s references can I fit in this post?). They have no concept of timing and this is mainly because their drummer was quite possibly the worst drummer I have ever seen. Even when they would luck up with a good beat, they would screw it up and totally kill the momentum they had built. And I don’t know if the lead singer was supposed to sound like an orca when he sang but…Anyway, these guys are really WEAK and if you decide that you like them in spite of this rating, do yourself a favor and stick to their recorded stuff as it covers up their flaws.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8vIP2ZEnxnc

If you are 50 years old and have never heard of Crystal Castles, check out my preview here.

http://onlyfreshness.blogspot.com/2012_05_01_archive.html

But if you are still a part of the land of the living, then you know that Alice is crazy and this suits their style of music perfectly. They opened up with Plague, Baptism, and Suffocation; wasting absolutely no time in getting the party started. They had an excellent light show but nothing too over the top to distract you from the music or kept you from dancing. Alice brought her normal crazy energy and repeatedly jumped in the crowd screaming her lyrics as she stood on the waiting hands of her fans. They played close to a two hour set and everyone seemed to be hooking up with someone by the time they played Not In Love, quite fitting actually. I rate this show as TIGHT and definitely suggest that you pop in.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BkbCUIm21rc

The band I want to preview today is Diiv. They are four 8 year olds who play dream pop/indie music. I keep wanting to hate on them because I don’t think that this retro eighties gender bending music has staying power but the more I listen to it, the more I find myself dancing.  I don’t know if that’s my strange love for Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs or if they are really that good. They are Zach Smith’s  (Beach Fossils) side project  and are quickly making a name for themselves. If this is the first time you've ever heard anything about them, check out their song Doused as it reminds me of a few Bloc Party cuts. Home and Wait are few additional songs that will have you tucking your male genitalia in no time as well. There was a quite a bit buzz about these kids from their shows at SXSW and I definitely plan on checking them out next time they roll through. I can’t rate them as fresh because if I told some dude in the hood about them, the chances of me getting pimp slapped with baby powder are pretty high! So based off of that, they get a rating of barely WEAK but I like them.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M-_5sQplcDM

Oblivion

I’m not sure what’s with my recent fascination with Eastern European women; maybe it’s because they seem so submissive or perhaps it’s because they are so easily tricked due to the language barrier. But I just cant seem to get enough of them.  I blame the Bond girls in Goldeneye and beautiful Anishka, my lovely waitress in Prague who initially yelled at me “All American men are liars” and later invited me to the largest rave I’ve ever been to in my life. Sadly or thankfully I should say, this story didn’t end the way it could have; due to my friends informing me that because of the Czech Republic’s poor health care system they have a high contraction rate of AIDS there.

But these women seem to be following me! First it started off with this beautiful Russian woman coming up to me at work and saying the following “In Russia we say, that if a man beats you, that means he loves you”. Now I in no way condone or would ever put my hands on a woman in a harmful way but I do have to admit that I was slightly turned on by this. As if I needed yet another reason to go see Olga Kurylenko in Oblivion. Sadly she’s been the girl that no one wants to sleep with, check Hitman and Max Payne. And if there was anyone crazy enough to continue this tradition it would be none other than Sir Thomas Cruise. Oh and the fact that this was a sci-fi movie was the other reason I popped in on opening night.

So the creator of Oblivion, Joseph Krasinski, gives absolutely nothing away in the trailer for this film. It works out great for the movie going experience so that you can be pleasantly surprised by the story but at the same time, so little is shown in the preview that it just looks like Thomas Cruise is walking around telling lame stories while trying to avoid bandits. Do yourself a favor and see this film in spite of the trailer. The basic set up is this, the world was attacked by aliens that they called Scavengers. They destroyed the moon which put the world’s ecosystem in turmoil, causing massive earthquakes and floods. The humans left with no other alternative nuked the planet in order to defeat the enemy. The few remaining survivors had to leave the uninhabitable planet for a space station that orbits the Earth as they prepare to head for one of Saturn’s moons to live. Cruise and his lover/co worker Andrea Riseborough are the two remaining humans on Earth, who are there to protect the machines they have in place to take the planet’s natural resources and also to repair the drones they have in place to kill the remaining Scavs.

Well one day a small spaceship crash lands near Cruise’s home and it turns out to that it is carrying a beautiful Russian woman (Kurylenko) that immediately recognizes Cruise. He has also seen her in his dreams but what’s weird about this is, his memory has been wiped clean and she has been in cryo sleep for 60 years. The second these two start to communicate, Cruise’s world is turned upside down. The rest I will let you experience for yourself.

Krasinski almost to a fault, takes his time telling the story. Through Cruise’s secret desire to stay, he shows why we are so connected to our natural habitat and why leaving it would be so hard. At the same time, he uses caves and the night to create a setting that lets us know how vulnerable Cruise and Andrea are to their surroundings. There are several edgy moments that remind you of the scene where Will Smith is chasing after his dog in the dark building of I Am Legend. You want to yell, “Don’t go in there moron!” but unless you live in The Bronx, you won’t actually do it. Speaking of, this movie almost unaplogetically steals from a ton of other sci fi movies; which I am ok with because everyone does it. So before I go into any of the spoilers I will give you my rating of very FRESH! The only thing that keeps it from being tight is the crazy Cruise factor and the fact that certain scenes are exact replicas of other movies. But don’t lose sight of the fact that this is Cruise’s best movie in a decade and because he tones down the craziness, he’s actually pretty good in it. Oh yes, and Kurylenko is unbelievably tasty in it as well.

***SPOILER ALERT***

So as it turns out, the Scavengers aren’t aliens but in fact humans. And the space station that is orbiting the Earth is the alien life form that is sucking the Earth’s resources so that it’s species can continue to survive. Morgan Freeman plays the role of half Dennis Leary from Demolition Man and half Morpheus from the Matrix. He should have gotten fat for this role and had them steal Taco Bell.  He seemed to be having fun in it and is his usual solid self as he guides Cruise to the truth behind what's really going on. Also, if I were Tom Cruise’s character, the world would have just died. Because once I found out that there were thousands of clones of my girlfriend who all recognized me, I would’ve spent all of my time flying from zone to zone having sex with each one of them.  Screw going up to the alien spaceship Spaceballs style and attacking it!

It seems like Krasinski saw the third installment of The Matrix and hated it like we all did. So he set out to create the real ending to the trilogy minus a fat Morpheus, who in that movie was reduced to being the short alien sidekick to Lando Williams in Return of the Jedi. (my friend's joke not mine) 

42

Black don’t crack! So when in doubt, cast Wesley Snipes. My friend and I were debating on why Morris Chestnut is probably going to be the lead for Panther, the next Black Panther movie to come out. And I had to point out to him that, for what is probably the most important moment in American sports history, the only actor they could find to play Jackie Robinson was…Chadwick Boseman??? What happened to all the good young black actors? Denzel, Will Smith, Jamie Foxx, Don Cheadle, etc are all too old. As a black man I felt embarrassed that I had to do a Google search for black actors but the list that pulled up was pretty sad.  When you’re debating whether or not it’s too late for Larenz Tate to make a comeback, you know you’re in dire straits. You see what happened there?  I just mention someone from Menace II Society and subconsciously I start rapping!

I guess all we can do is wait for Jaden Smith to grow out of his annoying young Will Smith phase where he yells “Aw hell naw!!!” in every movie. Because right now, all we have is the TV actor Boseman, who actually wasn’t all that bad in this movie. Speaking of television, this entire production had a made for TV feel to it; from the lead actors, to the cinematography, to the toned down for the masses racism. Don’t get me wrong, the scene where the Phillies manager is heckling him is pretty brutal but outside of that, most of the negative energy depicted in the film doesn’t seem any worse than what Lebron went through two years ago. I’m obviously exaggerating a little.

I am not quite sure why the writer of Assassins (Brian Helgeland) was chosen to write and direct this story of one of the bravest men to ever put on a uniform, but his inadequacies in both areas are pretty glaring in this movie. One of the qualities you want in a director is the ability to bring out the best in his actors, regardless of who he is working with. But you can tell early on when Jackie Robinson is trading trash talk with an opponent that you need to lower your expectations for what is to come. If Black people can’t do anything else, we can trash talk! Just look at Allen Iverson’s famous “Practice!” press conference. So when it comes across as…ahem, practiced and phony, you know there is a problem.

Let me go ahead and focus on the reasons why I actually liked this movie. First, you have to be a heartless bigot not to like the story. Everyone is coming back from fighting in WW II (whites and blacks) however when the minorities return they are still subjected to segregation in almost every part of life; even in something as simple as playing a game like baseball. Well one day, Branch Rickey (played admirably by Harrison Ford) decides for monetary and competitive reasons to bring in a Negro ballplayer to his organization's team. As you’ll find out later in the movie, there is also another reason for this, but he goes into it knowing that he has a tough road ahead. No one is ready for the integration of America’s pastime, so he seeks out the one player who not only has the skill to play in the big leagues but can also handle all of the pressure and negativity that will come along with it. So he decides on the skillful, trash talking, Californian Robinson. The story takes you through his first years with the Brooklyn Dodgers and for the most part sticks to the issues he has to deal with on the field. But no matter what he goes through, he shows the perseverance to rise above whatever emotions he is feeling so that he can accomplish something that he knows will inspire generations to come.

It really would take a complete hack to screw up this story (please don’t have David Goyer rise to the challenge) so in that sense, the movie was ok. The main issue that I have with the film is that it never really shows the true danger that Robinson and his family were in by going through this ordeal. This is where a Spike Lee would’ve been perfect. Sure there would have been blaring jazz music the entire time and he might have over dramatized a lot of it, but that was actually necessary here. They barely even touched on the daily threatening hate mail that he received and just gave a passing nod to the physical threats that the Klan presented. I don't know, maybe Helgeland wanted to focus more on the general disapproval of the people within the game and some of the untold stories of issues he had with some of his teammates and the opposing players. And if that’s the case, I get it. However the whole thing came across as a PG Disney movie.

I know it sounds like I didn’t like it but I really did. I just felt that it could have been a lot better. If you have kids or don’t know the Jackie Robinson story, I suggest that you go see it but unlike the player himself, done expect greatness. If you do know the story and like baseball, you may want to wait for Netflix. I want to rate this movie as kind of weak but my blackness will not allow me to do so, so I rate it is kind of FRESH.

The Place Beyond The Pines

I’ve been noticing lately that my day to day interactions with people are becoming more and more cynical.  I don’t know if that’s a direct result of writing this blog or if my blog just reflects how I have always been. But it does bring up the age old question, does art imitate life or is life imitating art? And yes, I just referred to this awful blog as art, but if Justin Bieber (who just recently went on record as saying he hopes Anne Frank would have been a belieber) is considered an artist then I certainly can make such a claim…sort of. Really??? Anne Frank???“Cocaine is a helluva drug!”

The sad thing is that my behavior is also being affected by all of the movies I see.  A while back I had an unbelievably attractive friend come check out a show with me. And as is her usual style, she showed up fashionably late. I was annoyed but the second I saw her and her awesome rack I got over it, especially when she told me that her grandmother just died. I felt awful and honestly wanted to do anything possible to make this as fun of a night for her and to get her mind off of her loss. But the entire time, I kept thinking about how hot she was and how awesome it would be to hook up with her. And suddenly the Will Farrell character from Wedding Crashers popped in my head.  I couldn’t become like him, the slimy funeral crasher! But the more I drank, the less creepy I felt and more I wanted to shout “Mom! The f’n meatloaf!!!”  Thankfully I didn’t turn into a complete sociopath but I’d be lying if I said I didn't cop a quick feel. I’m an awful awful person.

The point of all of this is that The Place Beyond The Pines serves as a cautionary tale for the choices you make in life. Have a one night stand? You could end up with a kid and start robbing banks. Get too focused on your career and your kid could end up making your life a living hell. Don’t all kids do this to their parents anyway?

Derek Cianfrance, the writer of the grossly overrated Blue Valentine, writes and directs this story of how one man’s life changing decisions affects a number of families’ lives forever. The first act of the film introduces you to Luke (Ryan Gosling) who is a circus performer due to his unbelievable skills on a motorcycle. One day he learns that Romina (Eva Mendes), who was a fling from the past, has hidden the fact that he is the father of her infant son. He then decides to leave the circus so that he can hang around to take care of his child.  He tries living honestly at first but soon realizes that he can use his unique skill set to rob banks and make a lot of quick money in the process. Well this eventually leads him on a collision course to the up and coming ambitious cop Avery played by Bradley Cooper. Once these two meet, their worlds are forever changed.

The first act is by far the best and most entertaining. It has the perfect mix of action and drama as the wonderful Ben Mendelsohn (Animal Kingdom) shows Gosling the ropes when it comes to robbing banks. These two are the best actors in the film and every scene with Gosling has you on edge as you can tell that he’s a ticking time bomb; especially when he has to interact with Romina’s new boyfriend Kofi. Once the second act hits you are given insight into Bradley Cooper’s life and how he is dealing with the aftermath of their meeting. The movie is still good but it grinds to halt as it enters complete drama mode. It takes you a while to get over how boring the movie has become but once Cooper has to interact with Romina, the movie picks up steam again and you start to see where Cianfrance is going with the story. The third act, flashes 15 years later into the future and focuses on how what has happened has affected both Gosling’s and Cooper’s kids. This act is somewhat predictable but there are enough twists to keep you interested and quite honestly this is probably the most depressing act of the film.

Once again, I am not sure that this movie deserves all of the hype it is getting but the more it sits with me, the more I like it. Cooper is actually pretty good in it as he continues to put together a rather respectable acting career and believe it or not, so is Eva Mendes. I rate this movie as FRESH and  I suggest that you check it out. But one thing is for sure, contraception sales will skyrocket for the next month or so. 

Danny Brown and Baauer

Back in the day when I used to dabble in porn, and by dabble I mean watch not star in,  I used to tell my co worker that I was bored and it was about time to pop in and see what old Jenna Jamison wass up to. Well that was years ago and I no longer watch porn or keep up with their stars, but luckily my friend hit me up the other day to let me know that good old Jenna got arrested for punching out her assistant with a brass knuckles Iphone case. Jenna…still entertaining. I try and avoid old female porn stars for the simple fact that just because they look like beef jerky, doesn’t mean they are as tasty.

What’s the point of that story? Well, back then I was also feeling old and called myself the Kurt Loader of Sixth St. You remember him don’t you? The super old VJ on MTV who was still trying prove himself as relevant by anchoring their news segment. Isn’t he dead? I truly think that MTV is like that movie Moon where they just replace dead VJ’s with their clones.  

Well I’ve graduated a bit and now I’m the Kurt Loader of concerts (see I said concert instead of show). And tonight I will attempt to stay relevant by attending the Danny Brown and Baauer show. You may know Baauer from all of those awful Harlem Shake videos that pop up on Youtube. It’s just a matter of time before you see your parents on one doing what has become the new Macarena! It’s sad really because I actually like that song, along with his other music. Baauer is a West Philly native who makes trap and bass music. If your only experience of it is the Harlem Shake, it’s basically dance music with elements of hip hop, traditional dance, and even some dubstep depending on the producer. It relies heavily on the 808 drum machine and sampling and takes more skill than I have at this point, so I would give these guys a listen when they come to town.  I rate Baauer as FRESH.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7WR2d9EhuDA&list=PL2B60CE71CC7A86C9

I’ve already previewed Danny Brown here a few times but here is the original post.

http://onlyfreshness.blogspot.com/2012/04/whats-in-name.html

I was worried that I would look back and regret my FRESH rating of him but the more I listen, the more I like him. He is definitely an acquired taste but once you get used to his voice, you realize that there is skill behind his craziness. And yes, any dude who comes on stage rocking a mumu with half of his hair pressed and the other half shaved better come correct with the rhymes.  “I put my d!ck on your nose now you look like Scottie Pippen” Haha need I say more? FRESH

Stoker

My love for blonds runs deep. It started with the Skinamax B movie queen Shannon Tweed and her graciously rewarding me with topless scene after topless scene for staying up way past my bedtime to suffer through her poor attempts at cinema. Thankfully she was able to carry me all the way through college but when I got a little money to go to the movies, she was quickly replaced by the breathtaking Nicole Kidman. I saw everything of hers in the theater and that would include the awful Bewitched on opening weekend. But along with this awesomeness came some unfortunate suffering. I was forced to sit there and watch her give some dirty Russian a hand job in the movie Birthday Girl. Then there was that one weird boy who got to sit in a tub with her because he was apparently her husband reincarnated in the movie Birth. And let us not forget that she was also married to the weirdo Tom Cruise and now the talentless Keith Urban. Why do all of these scrubs get a crack at her and not me? I’m scrubbier than all of them combined! Maybe I should have sent her that picture of me when I had my hair cut like Kid from Kid n Play; she might have gone for it!

Well just so you don’t call the police, I have gotten over my weird obsession with her but I still do see the occasional Kidman flick and she is still unbelievably gorgeous. And this was the main reason why I went to see the movie Stoker. Don’t get me wrong, I like Mia Wasikowska as well, especially with her new goth look that she was sporting in this movie; but that wasn’t quite enough to get me to see a movie that was written by Wentworth Miller. Yes, the guy of Prison Escape fame. I thought he would stick to popping in Resident Evil movies but apparently he has enough pull in Hollywood to get someone to put his script on the big screen. To his credit, he actually came up with an interesting story that keeps you guessing as to what in the world is really going on.

Chan Wook Park, the director of Old Boy, gives this picture an Alice in Wonderland kind of feel by filming Mia sitting in over sized chairs while seemingly lost in a world that she no longer recognizes now that her dad is dead. She wears these dress shoes that look like bowling alley shoes that her dad gives her every year for her birthday. And she’s unbelievably smart but keeps to herself making her the social outcast that everybody secretly wants to bang. At the funeral for her father she meets his mysterious brother that neither her or her mom (Kidman) has ever met before. He seems nice enough but at the same time he has this permanent creepy smile and mood about him that reminds you of Tom Cruise after the new young male Scientologist pledges arrive at his house. Mia keeps her distant but at the same time she finds herself slowly becoming sexually drawn to him, especially after more and more mysterious disappearances occur. Kidman is immediately drawn to him as he looks just like a younger version of her recently deceased husband. And I do mean recent, the poor guy was barley in the grave before she starts after Charlie (played by Matthew Goode).

I won’t give away any more of the story but just know that as each character grows closer, weirder things start to happen and you can’t help but think that you are in fact in some dark version of Wonderland. Just when you think you have a grip on what’s going on, the shower scene with Mia happens. Shouldn’t  all scary movies have a shower scene? You go from being weirded out to turned on and weirded out even more. And yes you are rewarded with some quick boob action just in case you were wondering. Way to go Mia, taking one for the team!!!

The ending can go either way for you as in you will either be on board with the final twist or it can come across as a little silly. I land in the former category mainly because the actors involved were able to deliver. Either way you walk out entertained by a slyly surprising thriller that was put together by Wentworth Miller of all people. I rate this movie as Fresh and suggest you go see it.

Owen Pallett , Periphery, and the Deftones

Austin is different from the rest of the U.S. in the sense that when a band comes through everyone gives the opening act their complete attention; for at least the first three songs anyway. If they suck after that, then you finally start to see some people wandering around to go smoke or go on the prowl for a possible hook up for the night. Well the same applied to Periphery, the awful wannabe Deftones band that just so happened to be opening for the Deftones.  Their main problem, outside of the fact that they aren’t as talented as the band they were touring with, is they seemed way too happy to be on stage. It’s like watching the reunion tour of a has been band that was never really that popular to begin with and seeing the bassist grinning from ear to ear because he finally has money for heroin again. Everyone in the band had the “oh snap! They’re actually paying attention to us” look on their face. So what did they do? They rewarded us with a metal cover of the Red Hot Chili Peppers By The Way. It was so awful that it actually became kind of fresh. These guys are WEAK and should definitely be avoided.

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUltTV3t4OM

The Deftones destroyed as usual and played a 2 hour set. This was probably the best show of theirs that I have seen because they played around 5 songs off of each album. So if you’re only down with their old stuff you would have left feeling like it was money well spent. At no point during the show did Chino look tired and he was running around like his normal self. Gone are the fat Chino days apparently. They played in the ACL Moody Theater which is Austin’s newest and best music venue. The sound in there is perfect and you have easy access to multiple bars. And speaking of the bars, they didn’t quite know how to handle the crowd. This was Moody’s first metal show, so they went overboard a bit by having metal detectors at the door and you could tell that they aren’t used to true Mexicans showing up and partying! They were already running out of beer before the Deftones even took the stage. They literally had to do a beer run and were bringing in tubs of Bud Light and Budweiser and were tossing them around like we were at a frat party! I have been to this venue quite a few times and I have never seen anything like this. But once they played Be Quite and Drive, you knew this was going was to be a special night. I rate this show as TIGHT and suggest that you pop in if they have not hit your town yet.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i5ASD-vLKAA

Tonight I am off to see Grizzly Bear and this will be my first time experiencing their new album live. It’s a bit of a departure from Veckatimist as it’s a bit more rocking than that album, so I am a little excited. But  I am previewing Owen Pallet who will be opening for them. He is a Canadian that plays the violin and tinkers with keyboards as well. His music is best described as experimental pop, which is something that  I would normally run away screaming from; especially when a violin is in play. But he’s not awful.  He displays how unique his sound is in The Great Elsewhere and Red Sun No. 5 which are my favorites of his. But then he gets way too fruity and puts me to sleep with songs like E is for Estranged.  Overall I know that he’s talented but he has too many fluffy songs for my taste so I will rate him as WEAK. I will pop in for his set however and hopefully he can change my mind.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&v=iCMtGQxUlZA&feature=endscreen 

 

Evil Dead

“The scariest movie you will ever see!” “Bloody as hell!” “So scary it will turn black people white!” Ok so I made that last one up, but we have gotten so out of hand with the hyperbole lately that it’s hard not to let the hype of a movie skew your judgement . What I really hate is when in the previews they show people’s reaction to a pre-screening or even the preview of the movie and they are screaming or jumping out of their seat in fear. I get it, when I see a scary movie I am going to be scared. Isn’t that the point? But I think that they should do away with showing Japanese people’s reactions because that’s not really helping their cause. Haven’t you ever seen those Youtube videos of young Japanese girls losing their shit and basically stomping each other to death because a guy clearly wearing a bed sheet is walking around booing? Seriously??? Why was it so hard to defeat their army in WW II? When we took the beach of Iwo Jima, why didn’t we just sprinkle pixie dust in the air and have a loud speaker blaring Vincent Price’s voice? “Darkness falls across the land. The midnight hour is close at hand…”. I know that’s from Thriller but you get the point. But I only kid the Japanese. I don’t want to offend any of them because I have seen Fast and the Furious Tokyo Drift and I don’t want to have to settle things “With a race!!!” (in full on country twang) 

What’s the point of all this rambling? Well there isn’t one really, except for the fact that I was pretty excited to see the remake of Evil Dead! I think all movies should stand on their own whether it’s a remake or a re-imagination of the original, so I won't waste waste your time comparing this version to Sam Raimi's cult hit. I don’t ever want to see a shot for shot remake of something because what’s the point?

If you have never seen the original but you were unfortunate enough to see Cabin in the Woods, this movie starts out in similar fashion. 5 friends go their family’s old cabin in the woods to help young Mia kick her drug habit. But she has been known to try anything she can to get out of it in the past, so they are prepared to go to great lengths to make her stay. Well wouldn’t you know it, they somehow discover a bloody door to the basement and in this basement lies a book that unlocks the gateway to hell for an evil demon. The demon then possesses one of them as he plans to kill everyone in the cabin and literally have it rain blood.I'll stop there as it's a pretty basic plot but it has all the key elements needed to create a classic horror film.

Fede Alvarez, who caught Rami’s attention with his short Panic Attack, does an excellent job of creating his own vision of Evil Dead without completely abandoning what made the original so fun. This movie has a ton of blood and gore but it also balances it with the right amount of humor. Thankfully though, Alvarez doesn't try to include another Ash in this film as that would have been a total disaster. For the first 40 minutes of the movie, you think to yourself that you’ve seen this kind of gore on AMC and The Walking Dead. But right when you say that, he takes it up a notch with some creative use of household tools. Well, assuming your house has a nail gun and chainsaw. And yes, the chainsaw scene in particular is worth the price of admission as you are basically clapping and laughing in horror at the amount of blood this scene produces. Actually the grotesqueness of that scene is still in my head and it somewhat bothers me. But this movie would not be complete without it.

Another scene that seems to stick with people is the infamous tree rape scene. I didn’t think it was that big of a deal as it was over with fairly quickly and to be honest; after seeing the movie Irreversible and it’s rape scene, everything else just pales in comparison. You will never see anything more brutal than that in your life. But it definitely adds to the quirkiness of this film. 

All in all, this movie has everything you are looking for in a horror film minus the boobs. It makes you jump in your seat, it makes you laugh, and it makes you cringe with it’s gore and the copious amounts of blood. I rate this movie as very FRESH and suggest that you see it with a group of friends. If you are a fan of the original, do yourself a favor and stick around after the credits.I'm off to go petition for the release of the movie The Grudge on a Plane!
 

G.I. Joe Retaliation

I have a buddy that likes chocolate women and white linen suits. Nothing wrong with that but he also likes action figures just as much as these things. And they aren’t just lying in their packaging waiting to be sold for profit; they are hanging around his house in full on attack mode! So needless to say that I rely on him for when studios release movies like Transformers and GI Joe to remind me of what characters do what and who is actually fresh. I mean I did play with these same toys when I was kid but that was quite some time ago. So while I do get slightly pumped for these movies, I am also leery of the fact that my childhood memories can be permanently damaged by the likes of Michael Bay. 

The first GI Joe movie sucked for many reasons but mainly because Cobra Commander was just some dude who walked around claiming to be mean. It wasn’t until the end that he turned into the evil leader that we grew to love but even that didn’t save this otherwise forgettable debacle.  I wont insult your intelligence by trying to eloquently explain what this movie called a plot. Simply put, the GI Joe’s seem to be rocking and still knocking out important missions for the president which includes gaining control of nukes in war torn North Korea. But the Cobra Commanders seem to be a little miffed over the fact that their leaders are held in custody and have a deceptive and evil plan to free them and gain control of the world. This includes using Zartan (the master of disguise) to impersonate the President and trick the Joes into a trap that will ultimately kill them all while at the same time setting up a conference with all the world’s leaders to fool them into using all of their nuclear weapons. All of this will ultimately rid them of any possible resistance to their own weak version of the Death Star that could destroy an entire country with a single bomb. 

To the movie’s credit, the plot sounds about as ridiculous as the cartoon plots we were exposed to as kids but this isn’t a cartoon. These are real people spitting out these stupid lines but trying to make it cool by quoting Jay Z or talking about threesomes. Yes, you read that correctly. The movie is wall to wall action but the problem with this is the movie is pg-13. So you never see any blood or anyone actually killed. You just see roundhouse kick after roundhouse kick or random explosions. And after 90 minutes of this, it all runs together and you really don’t know or even care what’s happening anymore. All action movies should be like horror movies; if you can’t make them rated R with boobs, blood, and decapitation, then just make it a cartoon where you can get away with at least two of the three. 

This movie's release was delayed to shoot another scene with Channing Tatum, which when you look back at it, it was a complete waste of time. The Rock seems to be having fun as Roadblock and the new hot ladies in Elodie Jung (Jinx) and Adrianne Palicki (Jaye) are…well…hot. I guess Rachel Nichols and Sienna Miller are too old now. It’s always good to find a reason to keep Willisfest going and honestly he’s the only fresh part of this movie. I rate this movie as unbelievably WEAK and suggest staying at home and playing with the figurines instead; yes, even if you are an adult.