Stoker

My love for blonds runs deep. It started with the Skinamax B movie queen Shannon Tweed and her graciously rewarding me with topless scene after topless scene for staying up way past my bedtime to suffer through her poor attempts at cinema. Thankfully she was able to carry me all the way through college but when I got a little money to go to the movies, she was quickly replaced by the breathtaking Nicole Kidman. I saw everything of hers in the theater and that would include the awful Bewitched on opening weekend. But along with this awesomeness came some unfortunate suffering. I was forced to sit there and watch her give some dirty Russian a hand job in the movie Birthday Girl. Then there was that one weird boy who got to sit in a tub with her because he was apparently her husband reincarnated in the movie Birth. And let us not forget that she was also married to the weirdo Tom Cruise and now the talentless Keith Urban. Why do all of these scrubs get a crack at her and not me? I’m scrubbier than all of them combined! Maybe I should have sent her that picture of me when I had my hair cut like Kid from Kid n Play; she might have gone for it!

Well just so you don’t call the police, I have gotten over my weird obsession with her but I still do see the occasional Kidman flick and she is still unbelievably gorgeous. And this was the main reason why I went to see the movie Stoker. Don’t get me wrong, I like Mia Wasikowska as well, especially with her new goth look that she was sporting in this movie; but that wasn’t quite enough to get me to see a movie that was written by Wentworth Miller. Yes, the guy of Prison Escape fame. I thought he would stick to popping in Resident Evil movies but apparently he has enough pull in Hollywood to get someone to put his script on the big screen. To his credit, he actually came up with an interesting story that keeps you guessing as to what in the world is really going on.

Chan Wook Park, the director of Old Boy, gives this picture an Alice in Wonderland kind of feel by filming Mia sitting in over sized chairs while seemingly lost in a world that she no longer recognizes now that her dad is dead. She wears these dress shoes that look like bowling alley shoes that her dad gives her every year for her birthday. And she’s unbelievably smart but keeps to herself making her the social outcast that everybody secretly wants to bang. At the funeral for her father she meets his mysterious brother that neither her or her mom (Kidman) has ever met before. He seems nice enough but at the same time he has this permanent creepy smile and mood about him that reminds you of Tom Cruise after the new young male Scientologist pledges arrive at his house. Mia keeps her distant but at the same time she finds herself slowly becoming sexually drawn to him, especially after more and more mysterious disappearances occur. Kidman is immediately drawn to him as he looks just like a younger version of her recently deceased husband. And I do mean recent, the poor guy was barley in the grave before she starts after Charlie (played by Matthew Goode).

I won’t give away any more of the story but just know that as each character grows closer, weirder things start to happen and you can’t help but think that you are in fact in some dark version of Wonderland. Just when you think you have a grip on what’s going on, the shower scene with Mia happens. Shouldn’t  all scary movies have a shower scene? You go from being weirded out to turned on and weirded out even more. And yes you are rewarded with some quick boob action just in case you were wondering. Way to go Mia, taking one for the team!!!

The ending can go either way for you as in you will either be on board with the final twist or it can come across as a little silly. I land in the former category mainly because the actors involved were able to deliver. Either way you walk out entertained by a slyly surprising thriller that was put together by Wentworth Miller of all people. I rate this movie as Fresh and suggest you go see it.