Anora

If you’ve ever read any article on this site, then you would already know the general disdain that I have for the overall strip club experience. I see zero point in sitting in a dark room with a bunch of other weird dudes while paying a ton of money to have a woman tease you to the point of erection simply to have her leave you after a 3-minute song is over. Why not go to a bar or the club and spend that same kind of money on a girl who you can actually take home with you?

And yes, I know there are shady clubs where you can go to the VIP room and pay money for extra-curricular activities but that’s such a pathetic move in my eyes. Plus, who knows how many have also partaken in such activities with your now special woman. But I’m certainly not here to trash strippers. Not at all. It’s quite the contrary. These women have mad dancing and acrobatic skills! And with the bodies they have, who wouldn’t like having their boobs and asses in their face? It’s just that I don’t see the need to pay for it.

But it’s crazy to me how going to strip clubs or even talking about them is no longer taboo. These days women want to tag along with guys to strip clubs and they’re even taking pole dancing classes to “get in shape”! Get in shape…suuuuure, there’s a reason I’m using a rose to like your profile and it’s certainly not because of your smile! It’s like the male’s version of, “I eat at Hooters because the wings taste really good”. I know there’s a freak in there just waiting to come out!

Hell, I was even watching a Cosby Show rerun the other night and they were having a rather heated discussion on strippers and whether or not it was cool to go see them. Yes, the Cosby Show! You must remember that this was an unbelievably wholesome show back in the day. So, for them to be talking about it at all is wild! But thankfully Cosby came to the rescue. He fed everyone some BBQ with his world-famous BBQ sauce that only he knows the recipe to. Once people began eating it, their anger quickly went away, the arguing stopped, and everyone immediately became horny and wanted to go home. Yes, this really did happen. He even bragged about how he had a special cup of the sauce up in the bedroom for him and his wife whenever she was ready. Yeah, that episode really did age well.

Well, the film Anora brings its own version of Cosby sauce as it follows the unreal whirlwind experience a young and ambitious stripper named Ani (Mikey Madison) after she meets the son of a powerful oligarch, Ivan (Mark Eydelshteyn). She and her counterparts are on the daily grind to simply get decent but not life changing money from the scrubs who frequent her club. But one night Ivan walks in and demands a stripper who can speak Russian.

The only one who even comes close to meeting this requirement is Ani but she initially has zero desire to go dance for this seemingly needy patron. But after being told he’s tossing around money like a madman, she decides to at least pop by for a bit. Ivan takes an instant liking to Ani and convinces her to stay the entire night with him at the club. He then offers to pay extra money for her to come home and have sex with him. And after a brief negotiation, she agrees. But once she arrives at his palace with a breathtaking lakeside view, she realizes that she might have stumbled upon an even bigger game changer than she initially thought. It’s easy money for her because Ivan is clearly a child with a huge bank account and all he cares about is playing video games, drinking, doing drugs and banging Ani. Any stripper in her world would kill for this deal.

Well, as Ivan continues to dole out loads of cash to Ani, she of course accepts. And the more they hang out, the more fun they have with one another. Ivan even gets to the point to where he takes her on trips with him and his friends. And after being introduced to this lavish lifestyle of over the top parties, private jets, luxury suites in Vegas and the like, it makes Ani think that she’s found the one. And it’s not just the money, she genuinely likes him. But this crazy adventure she’s on clearly blinds her to the fact that Ivan comes with some serious red flags. So, when Ivan asks her to marry him, she doesn’t hesitate to say yes.

Well, once they get married and word gets back to Ivan’s parents that he’s married a sex worker, all hell breaks loose! They immediately reject the notion that a sex worker will be a part of their family, not only because it’s frowned upon socially, but it could also have a negative impact on their business. A business that Ivan is supposed to inherit.

So, they order their handlers of Ivan to track him down and force an annulment. Once they arrive at Ivan’s house, he freaks out and just takes off running. And this leaves Ani, who is clearly losing her mind over what’s happening, with Ivan’s handlers. And they embark on this mission to try and find Ivan before his parents arrive in town. Things gets weird, violent, and just overall kind of sad as the search for him goes deeper and deeper into the night.

Madson does an amazing job of capturing the desperation that comes with someone who feels as though they finally caught a break in life only to see it slowly slipping away from her. She’s angry, confused, and just wants to talk to Ivan. She apparently spent months learning how to dance for this role while hanging around strippers and strip clubs so she could give a fair and accurate representation of them, their lifestyle and their dreams. And I have to say that for the most part she nailed it.

I mean, she’s way too small and skinny to be a stripper but she does nail the dances and I’d certainly throw a dollar or two her way. I’m sure there a strip clubs in the world where skinny strippers thrive, it’s just that I just grew up and still live in Texas, the land where we put queso and cornbread in future stripper’s baby bottles. Yes, we know when the doc cuts the chord who’s gonna be on a stage and who wont. Not all strippers have normal non stage names. There’s a lot of Cherries, Mercedes, and Sarahs out there! Yes, you heard that right, never trust a Sarah! They say they’ve never danced for anyone else but you before but you soon learn that her “late night palates class” is her twerking on stage to Cardi B for $50 a night and some leftover hot dogs from the kitchen.

Anyway, this film is worth seeing for Madison’s performance, the odd relationship that forms between her and one her handlers, and to see how Pretty Woman would play out in the real world. I give this movie a rating of Fresh!