War Dogs

So as I was out seeing a late movie on a school night, I couldn’t help but notice that standing in front of me in the concession line were two high school students that were clearly on a date. Now I don’t know what movie they were there to see but whatever it was couldn’t have ended before midnight; and from what I remember in high school, all movie dates ended with at least a little bit of fooling around in the back seat of the car, for what I like to call a quick little night cap. Now staying out all hours of the night means nothing to me as I am essentially a black vampire who never actually sleeps once the moon becomes visible, but here we are, only two days into the new school year, and kids are already making poor decisions.

First, if they were there to see the movie War Dogs like I was, then that was an awful choice by my man if he had any designs on getting laid afterwards. I know that in high school you can get hard if the wind hits you the right way but after two hours of seeing how much of a whale Jonah Hill has become, there is no way he or his girl would’ve been in the mood for anything but a Slim Fast shake and perhaps a bulimic purge or two out back by the dumpster. I mean seriously, Hill looked like the real life version of the Penguin from the Batman movies as he is clearly shopping in the Big n Tall section of Dillards these days.

Now that doesn’t mean he’s no longer funny or that he can’t act when given a role that basically fits his personality but it does mean that every now and then you are taken out of the story whenever you notice him laboring to get out of a seat like a pregnant woman would. I really don’t mean to sound harsh as I actually like Hill, it’s just that I’m very concerned about his long term health. Maybe it’s time for Brad Pitt to arrange another intervention for him.

Well before he eats himself to death like Pizza the Hut did in Spaceballs, hopefully he’ll continue to turn in some good performances like the one he gave us in Dogs. In this film, he plays Efraim Diveroli, a cocky young gun salesman who has just moved back to Miami after a bad breakup with his business partner in LA. He runs into his best friend from high school David Packouz (Miles Teller) who really doesn’t have anything going for him outside of his unbelievably hot and pregnant girlfriend Iz. And David is a bit stressed out because he has no clue how he’s going to be able to support a baby when he gets the majority of his income from giving messages to Miami’s elite.

Efraim notices this and decides to bring David in to be his partner in his new gun running company AEY. Together they start off small by bidding on all of the government contracts that no one else really wants or even considers wasting their time on and as a result they wind up winning the majority of them and forming a successful little small business for themselves. But one day, David somehow lands a game changer of a deal when he convinces an army general who is stationed in Iraq to let them supply his need for a large shipment of Berrettas.

Everything seems to be going great until their shipment is help up in Jordan and they are left with no other alternative but to fly over there and make the delivery themselves. Now as I’m sure you can imagine, this little story turned out to be one of the film’s funniest and most thrilling moments as two Americans driving a truck full of guns through war hungry Iraq is definitely no day in the park. But they somehow survived that ordeal and things started to blow up (no pun intended) for them, so much so that they found themselves bidding on government contracts that typically only go to large arms dealers. And it’s from this point on that things get a little hairy.

Director Todd Phillips (Hangover, Old School) does an excellent job of making this already unbelievably interesting story also funny as he routinely puts the focus on Efraim’s weird quirks like his Eddie Murphy esque laugh or his penchant for hookers. But whenever guns and large amounts of money are involved, you’re also going to have your fair share of drama all throughout. After Nic Cage gave us Lord of War, I didn’t think we really needed another movie about gun runners but I’m happy to say that War Dogs certainly proved me wrong and I would strongly suggest that you pop in; if for nothing else, to see Jonah Hill before he becomes the next John Candy.

I give this film a rating of pretty FRESH!