Ben-Hur

Why is that HBO stars aren’t able to take advantage of their fame once their popular television series officially comes to an end? Every girl that’s ever lived (slight exaggeration) loved Sarah Jessica Parker and that stupid show and all she could get once Sex and the City was finally over was a terrible Rom-Com with Matthew McConaughey back when he was still getting stoned and beating bongos in his front lawn. And you had to think that poor Steve Buscemi would finally escape the awful land of type casting with the success of Boardwalk Empire but sadly he’s back to being the creepy old dude who only pops up in random Portlandia episodes from time to time. Heck, even James Gandolfini, who became the Godfather of our generation, was reduced to playing a has been low level wannabe mafia guy in The Drop before he died. And don’t even get me started on the poor forgotten guy from Dream On.

Well looking at all the examples I just laid out, it should come as no surprise that Jack Huston completely fell off the Earth once his character died on Boardwalk. Sure all the young professionals out there, who spend the majority of their time practicing yoga, instantly fell in love with him but that didn’t translate into success once he was able to show his entire face again. The only thing of significance he found himself attached to was the latest remake of Ben-Hur; which to be honest had to sound appealing since the studio was somehow able to get Wanted director Timur Bekmambetov and the Planet of the Apes’ Toby Kebbell to be a part of it. And given the recent success of Christian based movies, they had to hope for more of the same here.

Well ultimately what the studios eventually came to learn is that Christians aren’t stupid; they know garbage when they see it. And even though Wanted made a ton of money, no one wanted to see a movie where Jesus was throwing crosses at people that somehow defied the laws of physics and bent through the air at odd angles to take out evil Roman soldiers one by one. Wait a second, what am I talking about? Who wouldn’t want to see this? Well unfortunately that’s not what happened in this film.

I know what you’re thinking, Charleston Heston’s version of Ben-Hur didn’t feature Jesus, it focused on him being a wealthy Jewish prince who was betrayed and sold into slavery by his adopted Roman brother. And yes that is exactly what happened in this film too. Huston was betrayed when his brother Kebbell returned home from war and decided to show his allegiance to the Roman empire over that of his adopted family. The brothers were always close when they were growing up but rising tensions between the Jewish zealots and the Roman Empire caused them to grow further apart. And once Kebbell sold Huston into slavery and sentenced his mother and sister to death, the only thing Huston had on his mind was revenge; and it certainly didn’t matter who or what was in his way, he was going to get it even if it meant he could no longer be with his still living wife.

Now early on you could tell that Bekmambetov was struggling with trying to condense a three and half hour movie into two hours; so a lot of the plot seemed a bit rushed. And the choppy editing made you feel as though you were watching a glorified grad student film made by some scrub who was just coasting by towards the end of the semester. But once Huston hooks up with Morgan Freeman and starts training with his horses to embarrass and kill his brother at the all-important Roman games, things pick up a bit.

This is where you meet Jesus who is transforming a nation’s (including Huston’s wife) way of thinking and this is also where you see Bekmambetov’s prowess as an action filmmaker start to shine. The final battle scene provides you with some of the coolest shots you’re ever going to see in a historical epic. Ok, so that was also a slight exaggeration but after I nearly fell asleep in the first hour, seeing some hair raising action was definitely a breath of fresh air. Be sure to watch for the horse that escapes and wreaks havoc in the stands on the coliseum.

This movie isn’t close to being good but it’s also pretty far from being awful; so with that in mind I give it a rating of pretty WEAK. Check it out on a lazy Sunday afternoon on Netflix.