Independence Day: Resurgence

First I had to find out that Bill Cosby and Phylicia Rashad were never a couple in real life and now I just found out that Tay-Tay aka Taylor Swift broke up with Calvin Harris over the phone for a British dude! What is happening to my world?!? What's next, are you going to tell me that Beyoncé's real life baby daddy is Vic Damone Jr.? (that's a Money Talks reference btw) Ok, so I must admit that I've never actually heard a Taylor Swift song from beginning to end but seeing as how I've finally reached the tender age of 76 and am still single, it doesn't appear that things are getting any better in the dating world.

I feel even worse now about my situation after seeing the money grab that is Independence Day: Resurgence. Some of my favorite stars literally looked like they were near death in this movie. Former president Whitmore (Bill Pullman) was viewed as a crazy kook with a Just for Men beard who had to use a cane to even walk around, Robert Loggia (Big) actually looked like the corpse from Weekend at Bernie's as his wife literally had to stand him up when his name was called during a random ceremony, and the only appearance Will Smith made was in the form of this grand self portrait of a dead man that hung on the President's wall! Sheesh! Someone please take me now before I find myself masturbating to Blanche in reruns of the Golden Girls!

Well if you think dating is hard, you should try sitting through 2 hours of this fiasco otherwise known as the sequel to Independence Day. The only thing I really remember from the first one is that everyone in the theater started clapping, crying, and cheering after Bill Pullman's big speech at the end; well that and my buddy standing up and yelling "Grab the beer!" when Vivica Fox was walking through the wasteland that used to New York or D.C. at the time. Other than that it was a fairly simple plot involving aliens trying to destroy Earth for fuel and us not wanting to die so we counterattacked them by using Windows 98 to hack into their advanced technology!

Well not much has changed in part 2; it's more of the same except now we have a lamer version of Will Smith saying corny things just before he attacks aliens and Jeff Goldblum is by far the coolest character in the movie. And yes when I say Goldblum, I'm referring to the Apartments.com dude! All of director Roland Emmerich's films are full of insufferable dialogue (or as my idiot friend calls it Emmerich's limericks) but at least he sort of rewards you for sitting through it with some great destruction set pieces. Well the awful dialogue is certainly there but none the over the top destruction.

In the end all you get is one of the worst films to ever grace the movie theater and keep in mind that I sat through all of the Transformers movies. I have nothing more to say about this waste of a movie and I give it a rating of unbelievably WACK!