Ghostbuster: Afterlife

Please take it easy on me as I’m a little rusty at this movie reviewing stuff. I just figured that it was probably better for my relationship that I stop writing for a bit so that my girlfriend wouldn’t accidently  happen upon one of my past articles, become completely horrified by some of the tales of my bachelorhood, and instantly decide to leave me. Well, as it turned it out, she left me anyway, so maybe someone decided to sabotage the relationship by sending her the review where I talked about being in love with the lead singer of White Dress. In that piece, I spoke of my brilliant plan to hide in the rafters of the venue she was playing that night and how I planned on swooping down with my black cape and giant fishnet to snatch her up and take her away with me.

Now I get it, on the surface that sounds creepy as fuck, but creepy is in the dark basement of the beholder. To me, that sounds like true love! But now that I think about it, whoever sent her that article might have done so to get my girlfriend out of the picture so they could have me all to themselves! And that type of diabolical cunning could be the type of love I need in my life right now. So, whoever you are out there, this old scrub is waiting for you!

And speaking of old, only a reboot of an old classic like Ghostbusters could get me out of retirement. And yes, just like Tom Brady, I refuse to go away. No one asks him to keep coming back but for some reason he continues to do so. Anyhow, when I saw that Paul Rudd was involved, I got unbelievably excited! Now, I wont rehash my previous review on the female Ghostbusters, because that article kept me from getting laid for almost three months! Things were so bad that when Oceans 8 came out, I automatically gave it a great review just because I couldn’t spend another night debating whether or not the cost of a flesh light was too much. I couldn’t take another streak like that!

But I digress. When I saw the first trailer for the new Ghostbusters, I actually got chills! You have to realize something, for someone who’s seen literally over a thousand movies in the past nine or ten years, that’s rare. And when you add to the fact that Paul Rudd just won the Sexiest Man Alive award, how can you not be excited? He’s like 75 and still looks like he did when he was in Clueless. His grandfather must’ve been a slave owner and he’s the third generation of that forced “love affair” because he must have some black in him. How do I know this? Because I’m 85 years old and Black and I look the same as I did when Clueless came out; except I’m not winning any awards! This is why they need to come out with a magazine that celebrates old hipsters! If there was an award for old scrubs who still stage dive at punk shows while drinking Lone Stars and liquor that tastes like peppermint; I’d clean up! For some reason my friends have resurrected Rumplemintz and Goldschlager from our high school days. Or, if there was an award for old scrubs who randomly blurt out lyrics from The Thong Song while doing the Sisqo yell regardless of where they are or what the situation is, I’d win that award every year! Someone get me Tori Spelling on the line, we need to make this happen.

Anyway, the point is, Paul Rudd inspired me! So, here we are, just a few days before Thanksgiving and I’m risking life and limb to watch an old sexy man chase around ghosts. Well, the first thing I should mention is that the producers were smart to put Paul Rudd in all of the previews and media interviews as he is clearly the main draw for this film. But, this is similar to when the studios promoted the casting of Steven Segal in the movie that was really all about Kurt Russell, Executive Decision. They sold you on the fact that a big action star was in it when in reality he was only in the film for like 15 minutes. Well it’s the same with Paul Rudd and Ghostbusters; he’s definitely in the movie, and provides the much needed comic relief, but he’s basically a glorified extra with some funny lines.

Now don’t get me wrong, he of course steals every scene he’s in; especially when he shows a classroom full of 12 year old kids a host of classic R rated horror films. But this reboot is all about the kids themselves, or as they billed it, the new generation. It puts it’s focus on the new Egon, Phoebe (Mckenna Grace) and the new Ray, Podcast (Logan Kim). They also throw in Phoebe’s older brother Trevor but he’s only there so they have someone old enough to drive them around. Now typically I avoid movies that stars little kids with everything that’s within me, mainly because the writers have them saying and doing things they would never say or be able to do in real life, but thankfully that wasn’t the case here. These were just normal, run of the mill, nerdy kids who were totally relatable. And when it came to the action scenes they were in, they actually had a pretty cool and thrilling set piece where they are speeding through town chasing after a ghost while blasting everything in sight! Yes, they basically lived out every 12 year-old’s wet dream in the 80’s which was to shoot an actual proton pack! I found myself cheering and rooting for these little kids and I don’t think it’s because I’m old enough to be a grandfather, I think it’s because it was actual good filmmaking. Damnit, these kids were likeable!

Podcast, is loner kid who has a podcast about unsolved mysteries and weird happenings. And similarly, Phoebe is a fellow loner who is smarter than everyone she comes into contact with, including Paul Rudd’s character who happens to be a seismologist. The writers went a little too overboard with all of her dad jokes but for the most part it was okay. They started off on fire but they progressively got worse and a little painful as the movie went on; but again, I respected their efforts. I actually have a book full of dad jokes, they should just hit me up next time if they need some material. But, if a kid telling dad jokes for two hours is my only complaint, I’ll take that every time.

Plus this films also stars Carrie Coon as Phoebe and Trevor’s mother. A quick word on her; it’s great to see that Hollywood is casting her and her clone, Vera Farmiga in films. It’s refreshing to see both beautiful and talented actresses get roles these days. Don’t get me wrong, I loved Jessica Alba, Denise Richards, Neve Campbell and the like, but man, I could only stare at boobs for so long before I wanted a little something more. And no perverts, I don’t mean that! Although I do kind of mean that too. But in the context of movies, I need to actually believe that you can be a rocket scientist or a sassy and street smart genetically engineered killing machine. Carrie Coon has the talent to do that!

She is guiding force in this film as she is forced to move her and her two kids out to some random country town in Oklahoma. This is due to the fact that she is broke and her father, who she claims abandoned her and her mother, has left her a piece of land as her inheritance. Her kids have never met their grandfather and the only thing they know about him is that he was known as the “dirt farmer”; some aloof weirdo who lived out on this farm by himself and never actually grew any crops. The only thing he ever did was keep to himself and buy random parts and machinery from the local dealer.

Well, as the kids learn more and more about this broken down old house, strange things start to happen and they begin to learn more about their grandfather and what it was that he was actually doing out there. And as they discover some hidden secrets, you start to see quite a few little nuggets from the original film. This movie is full of subtle and not so subtle nods to the original. You see the stacked books from the library, the chair that Dana Gordon sat in as she became possessed, you of course see their classic car, the weird helmet that Rick Moranis wore and there’s even an updated version of Slimer. People were literally cheering and gasping in the theater as these pieces of their childhood were brought back to the big screen. And I have to say, for those moments alone, seeing this film is worth it.

Of course, all of the actors from the original, outside of Moranis, make an appearance and when they do so, it’s actually critical to what’s happening in the context of the storyline. So they’re not there to simply collect a check. I thought this film was thoughtful and took its time in connecting the past to the present. The editors chopped it up a bit once the ghosts started to appear, probably because they felt it was a little too long, but if we can a 5 hour movie about some white savior kid in Dune, then damnit, we deserve a three hour quality film about busting ghosts!

I absolutely loved this film and I give it a rating of TIGHT!