Monday, November 9, 2015

The Best of Fun Fun Fun Fest 2015

As I woke up to go pee some of the 325 ounces of Shiner Cheer out of my system last night, I noticed that my pathway to my bathroom was lit with all of these randomly discarded fluorescent glow sticks. It was great! My apartment looked like a clip from the latest Tron movie! The only thing that was missing was the wonderful sounds of Daft Punk and a half naked Olivia Wilde laying on my living room floor. But it got me to thinking, why doesn’t my apartment always look like a Tron movie? And does Olivia Wilde have a thing for Black guys? I really need to move to Hollywood to find out this vital information!

Anyway, so there I was dancing and peeing (probably not accurately) in my nightclub/bathroom and I began reminiscing over all of the wonderful and weird things that took place at this year’s 2015 Fun Fun Fun Fest. Here’s what I came up with:

Friday

The Good

I’m not really sure where I should start but Parquet Courts came out and absolutely owned the Black Stage. They had both kids and old men dancing and moshing like idiots as they ripped through frenetic classics like Black and White and Master of My Craft. This was definitely one of their tightest shows in years as they effortlessly oozed coolness with each roaring riff. But Bomba Estereo might have taken the cake with their hot Colombian dance party. Their mix of electronic and traditional Latin dance music was a breath of fresh air for this festival. I mean I’ve heard Teri Gender Bender of Le Butcherettes angrily shout indiscernible Spanish at FFF Fest before but not at this rapid of a rate. Liliana Saumet (Bomba’s lead singer) sounded like the Colombian version of Twista. Sadly though, my friend later informed me that Bomba Estereo was indeed not Spanish for big boobs; it actually means Stereo Bomb. Go figure. Rae Sremmurd and Schoolboy Q did work too.

The Bad

Nothing really to report here except for maybe Mutoid Man’s terrible jokes in between songs. After hearing them talk I couldn’t help but wonder how these guys actually get laid. Don’t get me wrong, they played a great set but they sounded more like your out of touch drunken uncle who only shows up to embarrass you at graduations than they did rock stars.

The Unnecessary

Peaches. If you’ve experienced one of her shows before then you already know what I’m talking about. However if you haven’t been a part of this spectacle in the past then you should just know going in that she is quite the showman. She’s still in great shape for age 46 but it’s kind of like that scene in Sex and the City when Miranda decides to have sex with a sugar daddy; once she saw his old balls it was all over. Yes, sadly I used to watch that show from time to time but that’s beside the point. The point is, once the camera gave us an up close look of her old saggy but cheeks in high definition, right after she stopped licking the oversized cloth replicas of vaginas on stage, I stopped paying attention to anything she had to say. It was a great performance but unfortunately that wrinkled booty will forever be engrained in my brain.

Saturday

The Good

I was too hungover to make it out there in time to see Shamir but I was able to drag myself to the Blue Stage for Joey Bada$$. This native of Brooklyn took you back to the old school days of hip hop with his razor sharp lyrics and stripped down beats. The way he was able to connect with the crowd made it feel like you were supporting your younger cousin who somehow snuck his way on stage. It was the perfect primer for the legendary Wu Tang Clan who came out later on in the night and brought the house down. Only 5 of them showed up however and not surprisingly it was the 5 that needed the money the most. Rza was out there mainly because he needs money to finance The Man With the Iron Fists 3, GZA and Ghostface were there so they can keep the Wu Wear site up and running, and Inspecta Deck and U-God showed up because they needed to purchase new cots for their spots at the local YMCA. It didn’t really though because anytime I get to hear Triumph live, I consider that a win for me. Oh and also props to the Rza for being too lazy to say all three funs; he just kept calling it Fun Fest the entire set. Broncho also put on a killer show at Cheer Up Charlies as they absolutely destroyed for 40 minutes.

The Bad

This was a tie between Anamanaguchi and FFF Fest’s scheduling. Anamanaguchi makes this list because their name is stupid and it’s hard to spell; and music that mainly consists of video game sounds is cool in theory but in actual practice it’s a disaster. Second, I missed Jane’s Addiction because they had them playing opposite of Wu. I heard it was an amazing performance and that the old dudes still have it.

The Unnecessary

The goes to Side Bar for being so cool and so close to the FFF after shows. This bar is known for its cheap and unbelievably strong drinks, so heading here after eight hours of drinking was the worst decision I made all weekend. My night ended with me standing on one of their tables on the patio, holding up the Wu W, and shouting "Suuuuuuuuuuuuuu" as loudly as I could.

Sunday

The Good

Lauryn Hill. At first I thought this show was going to be a flop when she came out and started playing mellow songs on an acoustic guitar while sitting on a futon from the 70’s. I mean, this is a fine way to open your set in a normal environment but she was at a festival where people had been smoking, drinking, shrooming, and snorting coke all day long (wait a second, where the hell was I??? This sounds like the pre party for the bus ride to hell). In this setting, you have to bring energy early on to keep the vibe going. Well mid set she finally stood up and absolutely started going in! The second she started Lost Ones, the crowd was hers for the rest of the night. And hearing all of the Fugees hits, her stellar Bob Marley and Nina Simone covers, and of course Doo Wop made this one of the most memorable shows of all time.

The Bad

Chromeo. I have tried for years to give these guys a chance but they are just so flat live. They were so bad in fact that they made me forget that earlier in the day the Growlers had me feeling like Michael J. Fox from Back to the Future. Remember the scene when he was playing guitar and started physically fading from existence? Well that was me for about 40 minutes on Sunday! Their set was so boring that it literally felt like I was losing my soul with each chord. I respect these guys but man, just play the hits.

The Unnecessary

This is a tie between all of the guys who thought that twerking at a Big Freeda show was all of a sudden socially accepted behavior and the strategic segregation of the FFF Fest organizers. My friends and I popped in on the Steve Gunn show for a quick second and we immediately noticed that every person who was over the age of 40 just so happened to be under that tent. I was halfway expecting there to be an organized suicide party to put them out of their misery.

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