Plus, what executive in Hollywood does Chris Pratt have evil photos of? How did this guy's career all of a sudden take off at the age of 35??? He used to be the chubby loser you laughed at in rom-coms and in Parks and Rec, but now all of a sudden he's the face of a Marvel Franchise and the upcoming Jurassic World? I need this dude's agent! He'll have me writing Obama's speeches for him within 6 months! Can you imagine that? I'd unintentionally piss off every country in the world within the first 2 weeks of being on the job. Well, maybe not China. Also, do we really need another movie where Zoe Saldana is every color but black? I think she's the new Michael Jackson in that regard! Just look at the facts; she requests that they paint her entire body weird colors in movies, she's married to a white guy, and she intentionally lost her black girl booty! I actually have no problem with the first two but please, please don't mess with such a wonderful gift! Just look at Nelly's Tip Drill video and you'll understand my passion for black women and their assets!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tb0YT1f8bRc
I remember reading about how there was an actual plot for this movie versus that of its Marvel counterparts; and yes there was an actual story, but I'm not too sure that it was any deeper than the other comic book movies that have come out lately. It has a fairly standard sci-fi plot; Peter (Pratt) comes into the possession of a special orb that multiple parties in the galaxy have a particular interest in obtaining; mainly for sinister use. So the evil Ronan sends out his henchmen to find it so that he can break the peace treaty that's in place and avenge his ancestors' deaths, meanwhile Peter's old partner Yondu (Walking Dead's Rooker) wants it so that he can collect the hefty bounty that's out for it.
Peter is initially able to escape both of their attempts to capture it, so this leads to Yondu putting out a bounty to capture him, and Ronan sending out his right hand man, so to speak, in Gamora (Saldana) to bring back the orb by any means necessary. And this is how the Guardians gang comes together. Gamora, who sadly doesn't live up to her name in this movie, has her own agenda to get the orb into safe hands as she knows how insane Ronan actually is. And Rocket and Groot try and capture him for the bounty that's out, when they run into Peter trying to collect his money for the orb. They all cause such a ruckus in a rather entertaining fight scene, that they wind up in jail as a result of it and this is where they hook up with the angry but noble Drax. They soon come to a rather strange agreement that what's best for everyone is to keep the orb away from Ronan, sell it to a collector, and if at all possible, try and kill Ronan.
Not bad for a sci-fi film, don't get too bogged down in the science behind the power of the orb, add in a ton of action scenes, and make sure you show plenty of the hot lead actress. Overall not a bad formula to follow. Oh, and this movie also happens to be really funny! I hate Bradley Cooper but thankfully you didn't have to see his frat boy face; all you had to hear was him spit out awesome one liners as the clever and resourceful Rocket. Believe it or not, the talking raccoon wasn't that annoying after all. Also Vin Diesel must have the best agent in the world because he got paid millions of dollars to say one line over and over again as the giant tree (Groot) that only has the ability to say three words. Groot was probably my favorite character as he was basically The Iron Giant but with the ability to grow bigger and longer. I mean who would've guessed that you would draw the strongest connection to the seemingly dumbest character in the movie. Groot also provided one of the most memorable scenes when he takes out like twenty soldiers at once.
Which leads to my next point, the special effects in this movie were pretty cool, which is obviously key when making a sci-fi film. I loved the Fifth Element but man it's hard to get past those men in rubber suits posing as aliens. All of the battle scenes looked great, the cgi animals blended in well with the human actors, and they even were able to provide their own Prometheus moment when the group entered a dark cave while trying to take down Ronan. Also, with as much grief as I give Pratt, he actually did a fairly awesome job as Peter and looked quite comfortable as the lead; which is the shock of the century as far as I'm concerned. I'm now rooting for him and I hope his career takes off from this point on.
For some reason they made the Collector look like Jim Jarmusch (Ghostdog, Broken Flowers) but at least the end credits scene from Thor 2 finally makes sense to me. I have my nerdy friend who was rocking her grandma sweater to thank for making that connection. This was a fun movie that I thoroughly enjoyed and I give it a rating of FRESH!
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