Let me start off by saying that last year I was also disappointed when I first took a look at Fun Fun Fun Fest’s complete lineup. So
much so that I spent the entire first half of my preview complaining about the
fact it’s just one giant dust bowl and that Auditorium Shores is full of random
delusional Native Americans who are homeless and who claim to be former great high school quarterbacks. But as I started previewing each band I began to realize just how
many great acts and hidden gems were playing and I finally jumped on the
bandwagon. I’m fairly certain that when the name Girl Talk came up on my screen all I saw was red at that moment and I really
couldn’t focus on any of the other bands that were listed. Well something
similar happened today when M.I.A.’s name came up. Just because you’re 5’2”
inches tall and flip off the camera at the Super Bowl that gives you street
cred? If that’s the case why hasn’t Vern Troyer ever headlined the comedy
stage? At least he bangs porn stars and doesn’t look like the Sri Lankan
version of Animal the muppet. But hey, if you like her please feel free to
crowd her stage so I can have easy access to real hip hop in the form of Action
Bronson, Delorean, and the Death Grips. I am actually really excited about
seeing the Grips again and I have previewed them on this site before.
The hip hop is by far the best part of the festival
this year as it also includes Big Krit and Lupe Fiasco. And yes I will include
Lupe on this list even though Ghostface Killah said he saw feathers coming out of his speakers
when he tried to listen to his latest album. The main problem I have is that FFF started rumors last year that
this year's festival would be the biggest year yet. And when you somehow get Run DMC to
reunite well then the next logical step is an Outkast or Tribe Called Quest reunion
right? No, instead we get stuck with Jurassic 5! I am sorry but psuedo intellectual and alternative Bay
Area rap is weak; if it’s not Too Short, gangster, or MC Hammer pants coming
out of that area then I don’t want it.
They also have Snoop Dog (Lion) headlining one night. How
much did it take to book him this year, a bag of hydro and some Cheerios? Snoop’s
first album was on point but since then he’s pulled the whole Rolling Stones
thing; make one good song per album so you still have an excuse to tour and
make money. I’d be down if he only played his No Limit Soldier album in its
entirety; this way we would get guest appearances by Master P, Silk the Shocker,
and Mia X. And just so you know, when you start doing sequels to your previous hits like Gin and Juice 2, it’s time to either hang it up or simply have “Diplomatic
Immunity! It’s just been revoked” as the hook on that song.
Whoever is booking for the Black Stage is clearly living out
their 1982 wet dream. Don’t get me wrong, Black Flag and Descendents were cool
in their time but punk bands are a bunch angry teenagers screaming about how
much they hate homework while bringing a lot of raw energy to the stage. What
they are not are a bunch of 58-65 year old’s who for some reason are still screaming
about how much they hate homework while barely being able to move. I just hope for their sakes that hipsters
will get really drunk and dance around with their eyes closed while these shows
are going on so they can’t see how lame of a performance these guys will put on.
Who knows, maybe someone will slip them some drugs and in the process reanimate
their limbs.
I’d complain about how Ice T is pretty average with the
exception of New Jack Hustler and Cop Killer or
how I wasn’t even aware that MGMT still made music but I think I’ve done enough
whining for one day. I am just spoiled from living in an awesome music town and
I have come to expect a bit more than lazy efforts on the festival front. I am
really excited to see The Walkmen, Death Grips, Deerhunter, RJD2, Ceremony, and
maybe even Television. I will give a proper preview for FFF at some point, I
just have to go take my Metamucil and Ben Gay like all old men do and calm down
a bit.
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