He also couldn’t drink due to some rare medical condition of his, so to compensate for it, he smoked an unbelievable amount of weed on a daily basis. And by daily, I literally mean every day! I would get calls from him early in the "morning" ( in the summer time) telling me that he was "about to hop in the caddy and head on over there right after he rolls a special blunt for the road. Heh heh heh."
And whenever he would arrive, he’d always ask us these ridiculous questions. "Question, question! Why come the football isn’t made out of weed? That way whenever you score, you could roll up a special blunt in the end zone to celebrate with! That’d be tight, right right?" (In his natural Beavis and Butthead voice). Our responses were always "No Raines, that actually wouldn’t be tight" I know what you’re asking and the answer is yes he was college educated (well it was Texas Tech, so sort of…I kid, I kid) and yes he always talked that way.
The point of this unbelievable story is that as I sat there suffering through the painful first 30 minutes of Money Monster, I wondered how much better the execution of this ridiculous premise would’ve been had they simply put Raines in as the main antagonist. Director Jodie Foster already tried to throw in a little comedy to go along with all of the drama and the "thrilling" action this film contains when she forced George Clooney to wear gaudy gold chains as he danced with hip hop girls during his show’s intro, but it all would have been turned up to a ten had she put Raines in to ask the hard hitting corporate challenging questions. "Question, question! Why come we can’t invest in weed? That way whenever the stock goes up, we all get weed to roll up a special blunt with to celebrate! That’d be tight, right right?" No Raines, that actually wouldn’t be tight.
Anyway, for those of you who have already discarded this forgettable summer flick from your memory banks and have put it into the pile of lost Twilight sequels, here’s a quick recap of what you missed: this poor sap decides to put his entire life savings into a stock that Clooney almost guaranteed would be a slam dunk. But unfortunately for him, the stock plummets and the company loses $800 million due to a computer glitch. So naturally everyone who invested in it, lost all of their money. Now while the rest of the world has moved on, Kyle (the poor sap), decides that he wants answers; so he shows up to the studio with a gun and a bomb vest with plans to hold everyone in the studio hostage until he gets them.
Now the reason the first 30 minutes are painful is mainly due to the fact that it’s basically just a dude whining about how rich people stay rich and how they don’t care or have any concern for the poor at all. Wow, what a new concept! And sadly, while the story does eventually get better, it doesn’t by much. As you learn more and more about the computer glitch, you soon realize that not everything that took place was on the up and up and behind it all, someone probably got rich as a result of it. Again, yet another surprise!
Now thankfully there are quite a few unintentional funny moments in this film that will keep you from walking out, and there are also a few moments between Clooney and the sap that help give you a better understanding of the great divide that naturally exists between the haves and the have nots.
But in the end, this seems like it was a better fit for one of those terrible mystery shows that come on CBS on a Wednesday night. Do yourself a favor and save a little bit of money with this one as it gets a rating of pretty WEAK!
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