Just think about how incredible that is for a quick second? A B list or lower A list actor getting back to back releases in this day and time? I sure wish that my dating life mirrored Butler’s acting career! That would be perfect for me if regardless of the number of disasterous relationships I’ve been apart of or how many ill-advised texts I’ve sent at 3:30 am, I’d still get dates with hot sorority girls every weekend. I mean, I love the Butler and all and I think that he’s great in everything he’s starred in but if you take a close look at his career, he’s really only had one movie that’s done well in the theater at that’s 300. And that was 10 years and 18 films ago.
Well Gods of Egypt seems to fall right in line with the rest of his work. In this film he just walks around being an impressive jerk for two hours while the rest of the presentation is simply an underwhelming mess. Now don’t get me wrong, Egypt is a fantastic crappy action/fantasy movie to giggle at and enjoy from your couch on a lazy Saturday afternoon, but by no means should you shell out $15 to see it in 3-D.
Alex Proyas (The Crow, I Robot) is one of my favorite directors in Hollywood as he is somehow able to consistently puts out quality work that typically tends to lean a bit towards the darker side of things. Now I am not saying that I like evil or anything but I do like for my movies to challenge me a bit as opposed to just always playing it safe. Well despite his being successful in making this film look cool with all of the towering gods that have to ability to change into whatever they want and the giant snake creatures that breathe fire, he still wasn’t able to save this cheesy tale of Egyptian mythology.
Egypt is the story of the love struck mortal Bek and his teaming up with the battered, bruised, and disgraced god Horus (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau). The two of them are on a mission to take down the evil ruler Set (Butler) after he stole the crown from his loving and generous brother on the day of his son’s coronation. Set is a blood thirsty and power hungry leader who will stop at nothing to get what he wants and that includes making everyone his slave and charging people for access into the afterlife.
He has stolen Horus’s true love Hathor, who is the goddess of love, after blinding and sending Horus off to live a life of exile in the desert. Well Bek knows that if he is somehow able to get Horus to regain his sight that he can help him destroy Set and possibly bring back the love of his life after she was killed in a daring attempt to escape the brutal hands of bondage.
There are quite a few plot holes, as you would normally expect from a story like this but that wasn’t my main issue with this movie. This film still could have been cool if the writers had just a shred of talent. There were a number of Neverending Story/Indiana Jones moments where the heroes had to overcome a series of obstacle course type situations to prove their worth but instead of putting their focus on writing detailed paths to the characters’ greatness, they simply glossed over these scenes and had them sort of wing it and luck their way through to the other side. It completely cheapened the experience and made you feel like you were watching an awful screen capture of someone playing The Legend of Zelda from the 80’s.
The only saving grace was how unintentionally funny Chadwick Boseman’s performance was. He was the god of wisdom and it honestly felt as though you were watching Denise Richards play a rocket scientist all over again. I think Boseman is cool but the last thing I’d mistake him for is being the world’s smartest man. So to help try and convey how smart he is, he makes up some weird pseudo British accent and raises his eyebrows every time someone questions him. It’s pure theatrical gold.
Again, for action nerds like me, you’ll get some enjoyment from watching this film but for normal mortals out there, I’d suggest finding entertainment elsewhere. I rate this movie as WEAK!
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