But I decided to make the best of it by popping in Underworld: Rise of the Lycans on my notebook. It was at this point that I noticed this French scrub sitting next to me happened to be watching Ted. I remembered liking that movie the first time I saw it but honestly had forgotten how truly funny most of it was; and I say most of it because the movie ultimately wound up being way too long. Even the scrub next to me had to skip over 30 minutes of it due to the fact that for whatever reason Seth MacFarlane decided to take a movie about a talking bear way too seriously. There was a weird kidnapping scene with Giovanni Ribisi in it as well as a long and drawn out singing sequence with Marky Mark and Norah Jones. Why not just have the stupid bear smoke weed and hang out with hookers the entire time, there's no way you're winning an Oscar for this stupid movie!
Anyway, because of the huge success of the first Ted, they decided to make another one to fall right in line with the other failed comedy sequels that have proceeded it; see Hangovers 2 and 3, Next Friday, and Star Wars: Attack of the Clones (Oh wait, that wasn't supposed to be a comedy?).
Hollywood still hasn't caught on to the fact that the only sequels that actually work are action comedies, mainly because when you start to recycle jokes, you can just blow stuff up to distract people and help make up for you lack of creativity; that's why Lethal Weapon 2 was so awesome (that and the racist South Africans) and Ghostbusters 2 was actually watchable (that and the creepy Janosz). But sadly Ted didn't have any explosions in it, it just had MacFarlane spitting out one liners that didn't make the cut for his Family Guy cartoon and it also had an uninterested Marky Mark who didn't even have a smoking hot Mila Kunis to help bring some real eye candy to the screen.
Instead we were stuck with the pale and wide eyed Amanda Seyfried, who in real life I'd be all over, but in Hollywood land I'd just end up texting her around 1:30 in the morning just to see what's up. But that for the most part is irrelevant as she was actually fairly decent in the film. The problem with Ted 2 is that MacFarlane once again tries to take this movie too seriously. In this movie Ted the teddy bear decides to marry his Southie girlfriend Tami-Lynn, but after a few months things start to go south in their marriage, so they decide to try and have a baby to shake things up. Well being that he's a teddy bear, they have to go the route of adoption to have a child but the state of Massachusetts deems him not fit to be a parent as his is not actually human. So they decide to take the case to court and fight for his rights to be seen as a normal human being.
Here's the problem, no one wants to hear MacFarlane's lame attempt at a metaphor for equal rights; he's not a talented enough writer to pull that off. If he had simply stuck to the offensive remarks about Bill Cosby, the Kardashians and their love for black guys, and the fact that every time you search Google for something it automatically takes you to links about black cocks, then he might have had a decent comedy.
By the way, are you noticing a common theme here? He clearly has an inferiority complex when it comes to Black people. The first 5-10 jokes about Black people were actually pretty funny, especially the one in the sperm bank which is probably one of the grossest scenes I have ever seen, but after a while it just starts to seem a little bit racist. Don't get me wrong, he offends homosexuals, native Bostonians, and Comic-Con geeks too but his main targets throughout the entire film were Black people. I am obviously not the most sensitive person in the world but this seemed a bit extreme even to me. I just think he took the whole Boston is really racist theme a little too far.
Anyway there was that and the fact that there were far too many jokes that just simply bombed. I remember seeing the awful trailers and trying to reassure my friend that they couldn't show the truly funny scenes in it because they would be too raunchy for normal audiences, but sadly what you saw in the trailers was the best this tired movie had to offer.
Who knows if smoke a lot of weed, and by a lot I mean A LOT of weed, this movie may actually be entertaining to you. But if you have actually passed the 11th grade, I suggest that skip it as this movie is pretty WEAK!
Hopefully after his failure with A Million Ways to Die in the West, Ted 2, and his bombing at the Oscars, this will mark the end of the now out of touch MacFarlane.
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