Perhaps divorce can affect even Hollywood’s most badass men. While married to Demi Moore and that sweet sweet rack, he was inspired to make such classics like Die Hard 1-3, Blind Date, Pulp Fiction, Last Boyscout, and 12 Monkeys just to name a few. But the second Demi walked out the door and started dating Ashton Kutcher his career clearly took a hit. Initially it looked as though he came up roses by banging porn stars and “Cowboying the F$%* Up!” and making Tears of the Sun and Unbreakable. But just like Ronald Reagan warned you, dating porn stars has its downfalls. The mix of too much coke and venereal diseases leads you to make movies like Bandits, The Whole Ten Yards, and 16 Blocks. And let’s not forget dropping out of Ocean’s 11 so that you can make another Bruno music album. He has gotten lucky with last year’s Looper and Moonrise Kingdom; and his caving in and returning to action movies is a step in the right direction, but his latest installment of the Die Hard franchise makes you wonder if he simply needed some more pay off money for his secret porn star love child.
The fact that Die Hard 5 featured dirty Russians and stepped up and returned to their Rbrated roots made it sound promising. But sadly it just felt like they handed the script and director’s chair to some studio exec’s nephews as a favor to him. My 8 year old nephew could have come up with a more creative and plausible story than this. Apparently McClain has no idea where his son is or what he does, so he has a co worker track him down and finds him in some trouble in Mother Russia. Well as luck would have it McClain is able to find his son in all of about 5 minutes and immediately becomes a part of a long and nonsensical car chase. This is easily the worst car chase scene that I have ever been exposed to as it is just shot after shot of Willis looking bothered and determined followed by random cars flipping in the air.
The first twenty minutes of this movie seriously feels like you’re watching an Uwe Bol movie; also known as Huge Bol mainly because you need to smoke one to get through his awful movies! I honestly don’t smoke weed but man I kind of wished someone was passing around a Wesley Pipes bong with every bad joke Willis cracked. It would have at least made this forced sentimental” I wish as I was there more for my son” resolution story bearable. But no we are stuck with Willis and his son Jai Courtney( who really cant act) trying to work out their differences while also trying to get a Russian scientist who has the codes to leftover Uranium in Chernobyl to safety. Really, nuclear material in Chernobyl??? Why not just have Willis travel back in time to have to safely transport Stalin to a secret meeting with Winston Churchill. I know that not a lot has been going on in Russia lately outside of the meteor which hit a few days ago but the nuclear facility meltdown is all you can go to?
Anyway, I’m bored with this review as this movie was boring. The last third of the movie is full of large exploding set pieces which is kind of fresh. And there is a hot Russian girl that is involved but sadly this is not enough to save this crapfest. I have too much love for the Willis and the Die Hard franchise to give this movie the wack rating it deserves so I will give it a rating of really WEAK!
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