Tuesday, October 17, 2017

Blade Runner 2049

Believe it or not, there are a few people on this planet who refuse to succumb to the advancements in technology and still insist on calling me rather than texting to have an actual conversation. Now two of these people get a free pass as they are my mother and my brother but as for the rest of the scrubs out there…it better be a life or death situation or I’m going to be really pissed! I will however excuse my friend who lives in Los Angeles who calls me to help keep him awake while he’s sitting in traffic but I consider that to be my community service work for the month, so that shouldn’t be an expectation for everyone.

Well my movie nerd friend, for some odd reason, called me three days in a row! Now he also occasionally gets a free pass but only when new nude pics of Scarlett Johansson are leaked online, so he should know better. And this is just after we had a phone conversation earlier in the week, so naturally my mind starts to think the worst! Is he sick? Is he in jail? Did Taylor Swift release yet another terrible video?

I had to finally stop everything I was doing and actually attempt to be a good friend. So I called him from the gym in a rather frantic state and was like ‘Hey! What’s going on???" Here was his response "Yo! Have you seen the new Vince Vaughn movie?" The f’n new Vince Vaughn movie?!?! Are you kidding me?!?! I didn’t even realize that that dude was still alive, let alone have any thoughts or desire to keep following his movie career! Was he serious?!?!

And as he kept talking about Vincent’s new movie, I couldn’t help but think to myself, "We really need to get this dude a virtual reality girlfriend like the one Ryan Gosling had in Blade Runner." Even if he’s just getting virtually laid that has to help channel his energy to something more productive. Think about how much safer the world would be if more people had VR girlfriends that were as hot as Ana de Armas is. R. Kelly could have sex with all the 13 year old VR girls his heart desired, Donald Trump could put his fingers up as many unsuspecting and horrified women that he wanted to instead of using them to send out ridiculous tweets (and of course violating real women), and Harvey Weinstein…well sadly he’d still be Harvey Weinstein. Something tells me that that fat bastard would get greedy and somehow try and masturbate to both VR and real women at the same time. The point is, I think Blade Runner 2049 should be required viewing for every potentially dangerous male out there.

But here’s the reason why everyone else should see it too; it’s a great movie! Now, let me first say that it is a true Sci-Fi film through and through, so that alone will keep everyone from thinking that it’s great. But at its core it’s an audial and visual experience like no other, and that’s part of what makes movies so special. Yes, the storyline and the acting are key but if you can walk away from a film in complete awe of what you just heard sonically and what you just witnessed visually, that is the complete package. Now typically when the storyline and acting take a backseat to the technical aspects of a film, you get stuck with trash like Independence Day 8 but director Denis Villeneuve is able to use these sometimes secondary elements to convey the message he really wants to deliver to his audience.

He seems to have a common theme in all of his films where his characters struggle with loneliness, fear, and the ability to connect with the rest of humanity, yet he’s able to share their stories in a myriad of ways. Who would have thought that a father who becomes obsessed with finding his kidnapped son (Prisoners) would have so much in common with a language expert who’s hired to help communicate with aliens from another world (Arrival)? Or that an FBI agent who is tracking down the Cartel (Sicario) would be so similar to a Replicant hunting down dangerous and obsolete Replicants for destruction (Blade Runner 2049). Ok, that last one isn’t too much of a stretch but I’m afraid to talk too poorly of the Cartel for fear of my life the next time I roll up in Mescal bar.

I don’t want to give away too much of the plot but just know that Gosling is a young Blade Runner whose sole job is to track down and eliminate obsolete Replicants. Replicants are synthetic humans who are used to do manual labor. They are hated and despised by real humans and this hatred eventually leads to a war and famine that nearly destroyed the Earth. This is part of the reason why the production of them has been outlawed. (Side note: it would really help if you watched the three prequel shorts that were made for this film; at most it’s 20 minutes of your time)

But because he was able to save humanity from this famine; revolutionary inventor and entrepreneur, Niander Wallace (Jared Leto) is allowed to produce a new race of Replicants; one that only obeys its master or owner. This explains why Blade Runners like Gosling are around. Now while this story takes place 30 years after the original, Gosling, while tracking down one of the few remaining rogue Replicants, finds something that links him to one of the original Blade Runners, Deckard (Harrison Ford). And what he finds could have a drastic and irreversible impact on the world he currently knows.

As mentioned earlier, this movie’s theme speaks so much about humanity and what we feel it should and shouldn’t be while also introducing us to a futuristic world that’s both cool to look at yet chilling to contemplate when you take into account everything that’s going on. Gosling does what he does by bringing his stoic approach to the new Blade Runner and Harrison Ford showed that he’s not quite senile yet. But it’s the women who truly shine in this film. Robin Wright is solid and feisty as Gosling’s boss, Ana de Armas brings the much needed tenderness and heart that’s lacking in this cold and dark world, and Sylvia Hoeks delivers an Oscar worthy performance as the maniacally loyal assistant to Wallace.

Now you should know going in that this is a long film as it clocks in at just over 2 ½ hours but if you’re in for an actual movie experience, you will certainly get just that in Blade Runner 2049. I give this movie a rating of very FRESH! Now if you will excuse me, I’m off to go have sex with dead Tay Tay!
 
 

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