Den of Thieves Pantera

I recently dated a girl who asked me if things got serious enough between us would I ever consider moving to another city with her. Well, if you know anything about me and you know my love for this city, then you know that I gave a rather emphatic no! I mean, I truly do believe that Austin has everything that I want in a city outside of maybe Ana de Armas and a Fatburger that stays open until 2 in the morning. And again, if you know anything about me and my stupid reviews, I believe you already know where this review is headed. Of course, I’m going to throw in a lot of cheesy references to Ice Cube and Pantera songs. I gotta stay true to the game, son!

But, just like Rex Rocker, I am quickly approaching retirement age, and I thought to myself, is there a city that I could see myself moving to, or at the very least, visiting quite frequently? Wait, who I am kidding? I live in America, there is no such thing as retirement age. But still, I am getting crusty, so I do need to think about the possibility of me tricking someone into buying one of my screenplays so I can retire to a villa somewhere off the coast. So, naturally the South of France came to mind.

Sure, it may not have Tex-Mex, BBQ, or the Dallas Cowboys but it does have breathtakingly beautiful views of the Mediterranean Sea. Along with, of course, Daft Punk playing champagne pong on the beach, fresh croissants with a side of wine for breakfast, and Ana de Armas whenever she decides to take a holiday from Spain. I mean, that’s basically heaven on Earth if you ask me. But the most appealing part of that area of the world is the fact that it also has the annual Cannes Film Festival. This is an event where everyone dresses up in tuxedos and ballgowns while they walk around town getting drunk, seeing indie films, and eating the best food the world has to offer. What more can you ask for in life? Well, I guess the triple dipper combo imported from Chili’s for a late snack wouldn’t be bad but we cant have all the fine things this life has to offer. Gotta draw the line somewhere.

Well, I was fortunate enough to attend this festival one year, but I was far too broke to buy a tuxedo on the spot. So, all I could do was sneak into random parties, pretend like I could say or understand more than 5 or 6 French words, and somehow wound up charming some young waitress who wanted to um…show me the cool late night spots around town. That is, until some hater got jealous and told her manager on her. Apparently, she wasn’t giving him enough attention. A total mark Zuckerberg move if you ask me. I wanted to yell “Fool, you know how we do it!” but I was lucky they hadn’t kicked me out of the party after clearly realizing that I didn’t  belong, so I chose not to push it.

Anyway, I’ve always wanted to go back like a baller so I could truly live it up this time and I believe that the film Den of Thieves Pantera has given me the inspiration that I so desperately needed. Also, I hope to walk by the Cemetery Gates and yell at that c blocking clown who I’m sure has died of Covid since then. He smoked way too many skinny cigarettes and he looked like he only drank cheap wine. So, clearly that fool is six feet deep by now.

Anyway, I’m sure you’re asking yourself, “Why all of the references to Ice Cube?” Well, that’s because his son is one of the stars of this film. To be honest, I really don’t remember much of the first Den of Thieves, but I do remember liking it quite a bit and I do remember that little Ice Cube aka O’Shea Jackson Jr. got away with all the money in the end.

Well, this movie takes place a few years after he pulled off their incredible heist of the U.S. Federal Reserve. This time, after pulling off another exciting heist in Europe, we see little Cube has now upped the stakes and is looking to pull off one of the greatest heists this world has ever known. He is looking to rob the well-guarded diamond district in Nice, France. And when I say well-guarded, think Tom Cruise breaking into CIA headquarters in Langley security but without the gross laxatives.

Well, the only thing that could possibly get in his way is Gerard Butler, the cop who was hoodwinked by little Cube in the first Den of Thieves. But Butler has fallen on hard times since we last saw him because no one believes that any money was stolen (they address this early on in the sequel) yet he still seems obsessed with not only finding little Cube but linking him to the federal Reserve heist. All of his colleagues have deserted him and even his wife and kids have left him.

But after he gets wind of what took place in Europe, he tracks down little Cube in France. He hooks up with the local police there to try and get a sense of what his next score is going to be. But a funny thing happens, once he does figure out what he’s up to, he realizes that it’s too fat of a paycheck to pass up. He figures that everyone has deserted him and that he’s tired of being broke, so why not use his smarts and skills to help Cube pulls this off.

But can little Cube trust him, or should he have his crew simply kill him with a bop gun? For most of the film, the writers play it safe; it’s a standard getting to know you/bonding storyline where both characters get a deeper understanding of why they do what they do while gaining the trust of each other and Cube’s crew.

It isn’t until the film’s third act where stuff gets crazy once the heist goes down. The Sicilian mob is involved, the highly trained security of the diamond district plays a huge role, and some disgruntled former crew members of Cube’s show up to wreck shop too. The ending is a little cheesy but it’s the kind of ending you want for this film. It’s a film that carries a serious tone but thankfully doesn’t take itself too seriously.

At a 144-minute run time you’d think you’d get bored but the storytelling and the beautiful shots of Nice keeps you engaged the entire time. And this is exactly why I enjoyed this film. We’re in the Oscar nominated season of movie releases so it’s refreshing to see something that won’t make you cry or wont bore you to death with 20 minute shots of people staring into each other’s eyes.

And it’s because of this, I give Pantera a rating of FRESH! So, hit it up and give your best Westside Connection yell as you walk in. Oooooh oooooo!!!!