So there I was this weekend, convincing a buddy of mine to see yet another unnecessary remake of a Paul Verhoeven classic in Robocop. A few years back we were provided with an uninspired remake of his Total Recall. I liked it mainly because it was really different from the original and had the best of both worlds as far as men are concerned with Jessica Biel (American brunette) and Kate Beckinsdale (British brunette), but in the end it turned out to be a rather forgettable movie. But hey, you wont ever hear me complain about hot women shooting at one another in cool action scenes. And typically you wont hear me complain about robot men shooting up random scrubs in the streets either but it looks like that day is today.
I wont waste your time comparing the remake to the original but I will say that the only thing the two really share in common is the name. Yes they both ultimately have a man brought back to life in the form of a robot but one is R with satirical violence and corruption while the other is PG-13 with long and boring conversations. I give them credit for trying to turn the remake into a serious sci-fi movie but what they failed to accomplish in doing so was to make it entertaining. The first hour is literally one pseudo scientific conversation followed by another about how human consciousness always gets in the way of robotic technology. And as time begins to run out on them to find a sell able solution to the government, Michael Keaton starts to bend his ethical beliefs and eventually turns into the evil corporate monster who will literally do anything to make a buck. Sadly he doesn't say anything fresh like "Delicious" ala the corporate monster in Tomorrow Never Dies.
They do sprinkle in some light comedy from time to time with Samuel L. Jackson randomly popping on screen as the corporate whore to yell at you about robots and how you're not truly American if you don't believe in the country's need for them. Clearly this is a shot at Fox News as they even give him a ridiculous looking wig to try and make him look as close to the black Bill O'Reilly as possible. In order to make the joke complete he really should've been yelling at white rappers about doing fried chicken commercials (see O'Reilly vs Ludacris).
Anyway, the point is, by the time they finally got around to some attempts at action scenes you were so bored that you simply didn't care. I like the director Jose Padhila's previous movies but it seems like he was strapped by the PG-13 rating and was reduced to attempting lame tricks to make the action enjoyable. Robocop for some reason used stun guns on criminals and most of the shootouts were filmed at weird angles or in the dark so it made the violence almost cartoonish. Now I will admit that the gun fight that took place in the dark was cool because of the night vision and because of Robocop's robovision but it ultimately didn't make any sense within the context of the movie. I mean let's be real, the only people checking out action movies on Valentine's Day are old scrubs, so why not just make it a R rated film and have exploding heads and random criminals walking around in agonizing pain after being exposed to toxic waste?
Well I don't want to complain too much because again, at least someone out there is looking out for me. I will however have to give this movie a rating of really WEAK and I suggest that you avoid it.
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