Resident Evil Retribution

I have decided to start my horror movie fest a few weeks early to make sure that I am properly prepared for Halloween this year. Of course you have to go with the classics as well as a few of the new cheesy offerings. So far I have knocked out Silent House on Double D Street or as the movie execs refer to it, just boring Silent House. Which is so weak because that rack of Elizabeth Olson deserves to be in the title. I then followed that up with 28 Days Later and I have Carrie and Halloween (sadly not H20) on tap. I have learned my lesson however when it comes to having dates while watching these movies. I took a girl to see Nightwatch starring Ewan McGregor and Nick Nolte and it ended with her punching me as we walked out of the theater. I guess Nolte having sex with corpses was a bit too much for her. Then there was the latest tragedy of me trying to expose a girl to the world of Behind the Mask : The Rise of Leslie Vernon. That ended with her basically running through my door like the Kool Aid man and never calling me back. Oh well, maybe they didn't like them because no Black people or Hispanics died in the first 5 minutes. More on this to come in another post.

Now I know that RE Retribution isn't really a horror movie but it does have zombies in it as well as awful and I mean awful acting; so I am adding it to the list. The first RE actually had a somewhat decent story and some cool action in it but after that it's been non sensical crap. That was until part 4 came around and they added Wesker, who looks like a young, skinny, and evil Val Kilmer. Honestly at first I thought it was a CGI Kilmer but the credits confirmed that it was some Canadian and not the Real Genius. Wesker is by far the freshest bad guy this franchise has seen and once again we had a somewhat decent story with cool action. And TomandAndy doing the score to boot. So I was pumped for this latest installment because somehow Wesker was coming back, TomandAndy were back doing the score, and of course there were zombies!

But as it turned out, Paul W.S. Anderson(no relation) and his wife Milla just wanted more college fund money for their baby. This was the laziest script ever. For whatever reason they don't bring back Ali Larter or Wentworth Miller but they bring back Michelle Rodriguez and few other worthless characters from the previous four and of course they don't add anything to the story. Speaking of, the story is basically Milla wakes up in an Umbrella training facility and she has 2 hours to escape before the underground complex is blown up. But each section of the facility is a massive biological weapon training area where they release zombie clones in different scenarios to wreak havoc on human clones. They are perfecting their weapon to sell to the highest bidders. So in one area she is in Tokyo avoiding stylish Japanese zombies as well as Axe Man, who is always tight. And the next she is in Moscow fighting Russian zombies who can drive and operate guns??? Zombies that can shoot guns??? Whatever.

She is also being aided by a rescue crew that was sent by Wesker who is now on her side because humans are near extinction apparently. So because there are human clones in this facility they are able to bring back dead characters from the previous 4 movies and they also add a stupid kid that believes Milla is her mother, so naturally Milla feels the need to look after her. Again, kids not only ruin music careers but movie ones as well. And that's bascially it. I know it doesn't sound that bad but in actual execution it is almost unwatchable.

There are some highlights. The opening shot where they film the first action sequence in reverse is really cool and the final fight scene with Michelle Rodriguez woke me up a bit. It was also cool to see Jill Valentine back in it although I didn't recognize her until the day after the movie because she looks completely different than she did in part 2. Also she doesn't strafe in this movie which is kind of weak; video game geeks know what I'm talking about. The giant monster zombie is probably the best part of the film because it actually does look scary and added an element to the film that didn't feel retread. But overall this installment just felt like a step in the wrong direction. Maybe it just needed more Wesker or more half naked Milla.

Anyway I give this movie a rating of WEAK but if you like zombies and are bored, I suggest popping in. If for nothing else, you'd be giving this franchise enough money to make a part 6.

Oh btw if you havent heard of TomandAndy check out some of their stuff. I first discovered them from Rules of Attraction
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DGlpBfPHgjI