Bad Boys for Life

Remember when you were in your mid to late 20’s and it seemed as though all of your friends were getting married? You didn’t mind the fact that every bachelor party was in Las Vegas or if the ceremony just so happened to be a destination wedding; all that meant was you had the opportunity to get laid on a beach while people shouted random things at you in a foreign language. “Oui Oui! Oui Oui!” That’s French for “Bang away Black man! Bang away!” Or something like that. What can I say, the French are some freaky voyeuristic pervs! And for the record, I was never cool enough to have sex on a French beach but I do get mistaken for L.L. Cool J all of the time, so maybe I can convince my girlfriend to reenact the Pink Cookies in a Plastic Bag or Doin It video with me one day while we’re traveling in the South of France (sorry Mrs. Phillips).

Anyway, I have a bachelor party coming up in a few weeks and we’re flying out to San Francisco for it. Now most people go out to San Fran to drink wine or to dress up in sparkly rhinestone while flying their freaky flag for the first time but not us; we’re going to go on a brewery tour. No joke! We’re flying to the wine capital of the U.S. to drink beer! My buddy just sent me the itinerary and literally 12 hours of each day involves drinking at a brewery. There’s not even any time set aside for food, just beer! Oh, but there is one exception, and that’s for us all to go on a tour of Alcatraz. That’s right, THE Alcatraz!!! This is a prison that’s on an island all by itself and is world renowned as the prison that only Sean Connery could break out of. “Welcome to the Rock!”

So, in case you haven’t figured out by now, I am a Black man. Why on earth would I ever voluntarily go to prison? I feel like this whole trip is a trap! It’s like when they told my African brothers back in the day that they were giving free swimming lessons off the coast of Cape Town; next thing you know we’re in America singing Old Negro Spirituals while working in the fields! No thanks guys, I’m good!

Well the same can be said for me going to see a movie about Black cops. Sure, this was an okay idea over 22 years ago but now it just seems like a bad propaganda film. “See! Not all cops are bad! We like Black people”

If I signed up to be a cop today, all my friends and family members would immediately disown me, unless of course I looked like Will Smith. Big Willy Style somehow transcends all barriers even if he did dabble in Scientology for a bit. And it’s because of Will Smith that I decided to break down and check out Bad Boys for Life.  I figured that after a 12-year run of average to below average films, he was due to deliver another hit. How could he let, what is by far his best franchise go up in flames? So, I decided to look past the fact that Martin Lawrence looked like a fat grandpa and popped in on opening night. And boy am I thankful that I did!

The first 15 minutes or so will have you rolling your eyes as it’s full of lame jokes that are clearly retread but once Mike Lowry (Smith) gets gunned down on the strip of South Beach, you know that it’s officially on! What intrigued me was the film’s main villain, the super sexy yet spooky Isabel Aretas. She breaks out of a Mexican prison in the most spectacular of ways, even if it doesn’t fully make sense, and she immediately goes on a revenge tour with her son, Armando. Her plan is to kill everyone who not only had something to do with her being locked up but who also had a hand in the death of her husband, the head of a deadly Mexican cartel. This includes the judge, the D.A., private investigators and of course Mike Lowry. Now Mike’s involvement isn’t fully revealed until much later in the film but once they do expose you to what his actual role was, you see that this film is more than just a money grab for the studio. The writers took this film seriously and added a worthy chapter to the Bad Boys story. They kept the overall spirit of the previous films by putting the focus on the ride or die bond that exists between Mike and Marcus. And of course, they were sure to include beautiful shots of South Beach, the beautiful women who stroll around South Beach, and the over the top action scenes which typically end with a slow motion shot of the carnage that multiple gun shots and explosions usually leave behind.

Since Martin Lawrence is basically a pudgy gnome at this point and Will Smith is 50 years old, they did have to bring in some younger blood to provide the crazy stunts that we’ve become accustomed to. So, enter the previously mentioned Armando, who is basically a Latin ninja, and Mike and Marcus’s supporting cop unit who is led by one of Mike’s exes in Rita. While the younger team is annoying at times, there is some pretty good back and forth banter that occurs between the older and the younger generation.

And this is the role that Martin Lawrence plays so well, the comic relief. Since he can’t move around that much anymore, he basically just cracks joke after hilarious joke, none of which I will spoil for you now. But just know that there were quite a few times where he had me laughing at an embarrassingly high volume. And this is what you want in a Bad Boys film – comedy, action, and beautiful people at every turn. By the time Marcus was gunning down bad guys with an arsenal of weapons from a side car, I knew this would be an instant classic.

Don’t let the cheesy previews fool you; this movie is definitely worth watching. And by the time you leave the theater, you will be singing Puff Daddy’s “We aint, going nowhere, we aint, going nowhere, we can’t be stopped now, cuz it’s bad boys for life”. I am giving this movie a rating of FRESH!