The Transporter Refueled

I love how Hollywood has given up any pretentions of even trying at this point. This was never more evident than the time producer Luc Besson walked into a studio and sold them on the idea of naming the reboot of the Transporter franchise Refueled. I’m just hoping that I get a meeting with a studio exec one day so I can sell them on the idea of The Transporter: Diesel, starring Vin Diesel of course. It’ll be a combination of the first Transporter movie where the director purposely made every action scene homoerotic and the underrated XXX. And no I wouldn’t be pitching a gay action porn movie, XXX is the extreme sports spy film with Diesel and Samuel L. Jackson for those who have forgotten.

I might even have Colin Firth show up and slowly spray everyone with diesel gasoline before each fight just to see how many people walk out of the theater within the first 30 minutes of it. But that’s another story for another time. Anyway in Refueled, you’re supposed to ignore the fact that Frank Martin has all of his hair and is at least a decade younger than Jason Statham is. You’re also supposed to just go along with the idea that it’s apparently manly to beat up a gang of thugs using only a boutique hand bag and an Audi key remote. But the good thing is once you do, you’ll come to the realization that this movie’s sole purpose is to take you to the Never Neverland of action movies. And I have to admit that it wound up being a lovely, lovely place.

Don’t get me wrong, this is by no means a good movie but it works in the same way that campy horror flicks work; they are purely there for mindless entertainment. You may never be able to get past the terrible acting and the over the top action scenes but if you don’t, that’s your loss. This movie is full of fresh bits; from the dirty Euro trash pimps and their awesome hair, to the booming sounds of underground French rap, you can help but feel as though you got a bargain for only spending $11.

It was sad to see Ray Stevenson of HBO’s Rome playing the role of dad but even he looked to be having fun in this film. Some of the action set pieces were actually well choreographed and the driving stunts stood right up there with what you’d expect from a summer blockbuster film. So for action junkies, this is right up your alley. Oh, and did I mention that the hookers were hot? What more can a guy ask for in a film?

As far as the plot goes; Martin, while working in the French Riviera, takes on what seems like a simple job driving for this mysterious dark haired beauty. But what he doesn’t know is that this mystery girl is a former hooker who, along with her friends, are trying to escape their awful lifestyle and start a new by taking on a Russian gangster and his associates. These wonderful vixens trick poor Marty into being a part of their genius plan and he all of sudden finds himself having to rely on his special skillset to not only help these beautiful women of the night but to also to save the life of his newly retired father (Stevenson). The results as you can imagine are both intriguing and hilarious. Ok, maybe not intriguing but I ran out of adjectives to describe this movie.

Refueled is a great film to watch if you’re on a long plane ride or you’re getting ready for a dude’s night out. Every fiber of me wants to give this movie the rating of weak that it so deserves but I can’t help but say that it was FRESH!