No Escape

I remember growing up in the eighties and seeing movies like Red Dawn, Rambo: First Blood II, and Big Trouble in Little China. They all had these great American heroes who wore bandanas, talked trash, and showed the rest of the world that you don’t mess with people like us. Back then it was ok to hate everyone who didn’t speak English and was from a foreign country because you were basically taught that they were all inherently evil and wanted to kill the American dream.

But I guess the 80’s weren’t too bad as it showed that the country was finally redirecting its hatred to people on foreign soil as opposed to its own. Just look at the classic comedy Animal House; they blatantly called Black people and their culture primitive when these frat guys took their women to a juke joint to dance. "Do you mind if we dance with yo dates?"

The point of all this is that it stopped being cool hating on foreigners the second John Hughes gave Long Duk Dong a hefty white girlfriend in Sixteen Candles. The Donger broke down barriers and opened up a whole new world to Black guys that we didn’t know was possible. And ever since that moment, Black men have been hoarding fat white women like it’s $2 two piece Tuesdays at Popeye’s.

Well I’m not trying to be political at all with this next statement but Owen Wilson’s new movie No Escape has to be the biggest Right Wing Take Back American propaganda film I have seen in decades! They attempt to cover it with some lame justification statement midway through the movie but you can’t overlook the fact that Wilson’s family as well as every white foreigner in this film is being hunted down and brutally murdered by faceless and nameless foreigners.

The entire country is pissed off and has overthrown the government because they have lost control of their water supply. The government made a shady deal with a foreign corporation, and as a result that company’s country will basically assume control of their land. Now there’s nothing wrong the people being upset, but apparently everyone in this region has been chomping at the bit for an excuse to rape and savagely hack up everyone who comes in their way.

Now this was cool when it happened in 2008’s Rambo but that was because it just happened to be an isolated group of evil mercenaries; not every 90% of Vietnam’s population. Plus, you got to see a 60 year old Stallone blow people up with a .50 caliber gun! In No Escape, our heroes are Owen Wilson and Lake Bell; not exactly the next Bonnie and Clyde. They are put in all sorts of over the top situations in some lame attempt to pull at the heartstrings of the upper middle class. Well I’m broke, so they got zero sympathy from me.

Now I actually love Bell as I think she is one of the smartest and most talented actors and directors in Hollywood today. It’s just a shame that this once rising star has to resort to playing mom roles at this point of her career. The only reason you should suffer through this film is to see Pierce Brosnan playing the dirty old man version of James Bond. He randomly shows up to have a few drinks and to cap off evil Asians. His final scene in the third act is certainly one for the ages!

But outside of that, save your money and go see Mel Gibson make fun of Asians in Lethal Weapon 4 instead. I rate this movie as really WEAK!