Transcendence

I could tell from the lame trailers that played before every movie that this film was going to bomb. The only reason I even stepped foot into the theater to see it is because my buddy leaned over and said to me "Dude! It's basically Johnny Depp as Skynet!" After I thought about it for a second, digital Johnny Depp unleashing an army of Terminators on the world did sound kind of fresh but I should've known that Hollywood would never give us anything that  awesome. After watching the movie, you could tell that the writers really wanted to go that route but they didn't quite have the balls to go through with it. And like with everything in life, if you don't have any balls you will never get to dip them in honey. I have no idea what that means by the way; I just read a ton of objectifying Tinder messages and I was feeling a bit inspired. We'll just say that it's a reference to Jessica Alba and that awful movie for now.

But anyway, when was the last time Depp made a good movie? Sweeney Todd??? That was seven years ago and you have go back even further to find a good one before that. So it should come as no surprise that this snoozer falls right in line with what is the bulk of his career; a movie that has some pretty cool concepts in it but for whatever reason falls through on the execution.

Transcendence is about Will and Evelyn Caster's dream of building an A.I. machine that can tap into human consciousness so that it can make decisions based off of human emotions and feelings. The point was to use it for good; a machine that would access all of the world's information and then use that information to improve life on this planet. You could theoretically cure diseases or find better ways of growing food and so on. But not everyone shared the thoughts and the enthusiasm of the Casters. A terrorist organization that is against the advancement of technology saw the dangers of this technology and decided to make a successful attempt on Will's (Depp) life. But before he died, his wife Evelyn (Rebecca Hall) and their close friend Max (Paul Bettany) in a radical attempt to complete their dream, downloaded Will's consciousness into their A.I. machine. And at first everything seemed to be going as they had originally planned but soon Will starts working on a mission of his own that threatens the very existence of human life as we know it.

The writers actually do a decent job of explaining the science behind all of this and how it could theoretically be possible. And as A.I. Will (this sounds like a Will Smith rap album btw) gathers more information and gets more processing power, his ideas on how to improve the world and the lives of the humans in it continue to expand and grow; along with his ability to make these ideas a reality.  The problem is, it's just a really boring movie. It takes forever for anything to actually happen and by the time it does, the guy that is sitting behind you and has been snoring for an hour has completely taken you out of the experience. That's a true story by the way. Depp spends at least an hour of the movie building his army by"healing" the afflicted humans in the area while at the same time tapping into their consciousness so that he can have control over their actions.

But the problem is, he doesn't really use them to do fresh stuff like throw cars, or learn karate, or bend guns with their minds. They basically act like movie ushers and just guide people into the compound. There is one scene where they use their increased strength and motor skills but it's short lived. And there is one scene where they actually do have some Terminator characteristics on display but I'll leave that for you to discover on your own. But that's it; two scenes do not make a movie.

Also the terrorist organization is a collection of the biggest nerds you'll ever see. I liken them to the Orphans gang in Warriors. I would never be afraid of these tools. They're basically the Occupy Wall Street kids who finally got tired of not bathing.

This movie is really WEAK and I suggest that you avoid it.