Draft Day

After seeing the 2 hour drunken punch in the face otherwise known as Nymphomaniac Vol 1, I was in desperate need for a mindless palate cleanser like Draft Day. I say drunken punch in the face because even though it more than likely hurt to take it, you know that it was a fun night if alcohol was involved and it led to a bar fight of some kind! So yes, while it hurt to watch, I rather enjoyed Nymphomaniac. But after all bar fights, you need something to help with the hangover the next day and that's where Kevin Costner's latest attempt to help him pay his property taxes comes into play. Let's be real, the sole reason Costner and Harrison Ford are even making movies anymore is so they can keep their young starlet trophies happy! At least Costner's movies have been somewhat entertaining with him starring in Superman and Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit. And I have to give him props, he must be the product of a slave owner attacking his female slave back in the day, because that is the only logical answer for him aging like he's a black man! Did you know that he's 59 years old??? He still looks like his Wyatt Earp character from the 90's!

Speaking of the 90's...didn't they already make this movie in that decade? I've already seen Jerry Maguire and it had a cute kid, a crazy Cuba, an even crazier Cruise, and a pre nasally Renee Zellwegger in it! But I guess the studio execs thought that it was high time for a reboot of sorts. The difference between Maguire and Draft Day is, back in the 90's we didn't quite have an all access look into everything sports like we do now. So some of the story lines that took place in Maguire were believable to us at the time. But now that we have an ESPN 30 for 30 for every possible sports story there is, we know that it is completely implausible for a NFL GM to have time to jungle the issues he's having with his pregnant girlfriend, his over bearing mother, as well as his pouty and meddling new coach, and then still have time left over to handle trades on the day of the draft! We all know that on that day they are too busy snorting coke in between watching game film and sending off texts!

But Ivan Reitman wants us to believe that Costner can handle all of this while also dealing with a city that hates him because the team perpetually sucks and because he has fired his dad; a legendary coach there. Oh and he also fields calls directly from a few draft prospects which include a good but troubled kid who is the son of a local favorite, a hard working linebacker that no one fully believes to be a star but Costner, and the Heisman trophy winner that everyone loves but Costner.

So he has to try and figure out what's the best move for him to make after making one of the worst trades in sports history. And that's the issue with this movie; with football being as popular as it is today, even my mom would laugh at some of the stuff that happens in this film. They may as well have made the Stay Puft Marshmallow man the league commissioner and had him hand out the jerseys to the draft picks as they came on stage.

I'll say that once they actually get to the draft and the intensity that surrounds it, the movie finally becomes a bit entertaining. And it was cool how they had flyovers of each city and stadium as they introduced each team and their GM; but that was mainly because I'm a sports geek.

I say this movie is perfect for the 20 women on the planet that have yet to actually come around and like football; oh and the French. But for the rest of us, I say pass (heh) on this and kick (heh heh) anyone in the head that suggests it. I give it a rating of WEAK.