Pompeii

I was having dinner with my buddy and I was trying to convince him of how awesome of a director Paul W.S. Anderson is. Not only because he's my brother from another mother that has the balls to put TWO initials in his name but also because he consistently produces entertaining action flicks with hot chicks in them. With the exception of Resident Evil Afterlife, none of them are truly great but you typically leave the theater with at least two action sequences that either had you laughing at how over the top they were or had you in awe of how many fist pumping, adrenaline producing moments they brought about. For a while I thought he was also responsible for the ridiculously amusing Stealth, you know, the movie about the A.I. plane that talked trash to people as it killed them while listening to Incubus; but sadly that masterpiece belongs to Rob L. Cohen (the guy with only one initial in his name). This eventually led to us coming up with the ultimate action directing teams of the Coen brothers and the Wachowski's; we would make one of each work with the other. It would be best written action movie ever that would somehow also bring about transgender love!

Well unfortunately for us, Anderson looks like he is attempting to go legit with his latest movie Pompeii. For the first hour of the film he bores us nearly to death with his attempts at character development and a narrative that resembles almost every period piece that has been set in ancient Rome for the past 20 years. And I realize that this is mainly on the writers but his job is to make this plodding story entertaining. He tries his best to do so but you can't help but roll your eyes when you see how many movies are being ripped as the story unfolds.

They start you off by showing you how a young Milo (Kit Harrington) has to witness his parents being mercilessly killed by the hands of the evil Roman general Corvus (Sutherland) and his head henchman Proculus; in a scene that clearly reminds you of the opening of Braveheart. They then proceed to show you how he is enslaved and forced to become an expert gladiator while befriending a big black warrior who is number 2 only to him; sounding rather similar to Gladiator. He even has a fat owner that only lays around and eats grapes while shouting out orders like Dom Deluise in History of the World Part 1. I could go on but I think you get the point by now. I also thinks its worthy to note that my friend thought that Harringon was actually Orlando Bloom until I reminded him that it was in fact Jon Snow from Game of Thrones. Perhaps that's a rather glaring indictment of Harrington's inability to come off as a true action hero but to me he did just fine. He's more cut and attractive than I'll ever be but I'm not sure what that says.

Once you get past the setup however, this is where you see Anderson begin to shine. He saves most of the blood that a pg-13 movie will allow for the final gladiator battle which has Harrington and his black buddy fighting for their lives as the cunning Sutherland has blackmailed his way into a forced marriage with Harrington's love interest Cassia. But in the middle of the battle, Mt Vesuvius (you remember it don't you) decides to erupt, sending everyone into a frenzy. So Harrington is a rush to not only save Cassia from Sutherland but hopefully also from the impending death the eruption is sure to cause. During his attempt you see some rather impressive set pieces that involve large tidal waves, ships crashing into the city, and giant sections of the Earth crumbling while taking monuments and people with it. This is worth the price of admission alone and finally woke me up from my slumber.

While I did ultimately enjoy the film, I can't quite give it a rating of fresh. For now I will give it a rating of WEAK but I reserve the right to change my mind once I see it on HBO 6 months from now.