Oscar Nominated Live Action Short Films

Every year I struggle with the fact that I love the Oscars just a bit too much. I'm so weird about it that I can't even watch them with anyone else for fear that they will talk during key moments of the ceremony. I mean seriously, what key moments? Would it really kill me to not hear George Clooney ramble about his role as Danny Ocean and how that helped inspire kids in the Sudan to put down their guns? These guys get all liquored up, throw on their five thousand dollar garments, and try and convince us that the scene with Leo doing blow in the elevator in The Wolf of Wall Street is as important to human history as the discovery of penicillin was. And yet, that Sunday evening I'll be glued to the screen partaking of this huge feast I concocted for myself while guzzlling down a liter of wine!

With that said, even I get bored during certain parts of the awards show. Typically it's within the first 2 minutes of whatever awful monologue the Gestapo police that is the Academy, allows the host to perform. But what's the absolute worst is when I'm two helpings of food and a half a bottle of wine in and they start handing out awards for Best Documentary or Best Short Film. Who really watches these things? Why not just copy the shameless Grammy's and announce these winners before the broadcast? Well this year I decided to take action and I ventured out to see the 5 live action shorts they have nominated for an Oscar and  I have to say that I will certainly being doing this every year from here on out.

Imagine just taking all of the good parts of a movie and cramming it into twenty to thirty minutes; no extended narrative, no character development, and no outside influences of money men to skew the director's vision. What you're left with is a single story told in the most straight forward manner possible. When you see all 5 in a single setting, it's actually quite exhausting as you are taken from one intense short story to the next with barely any time to digest what you have just seen.

You start off with the touching yet depressing Helium; a story about a young boy who is dying of a terminal illness and is spending his last days in a hospital. He seems to be simply going through the motions and is not all that excited about the prospects of an afterlife until he meets the new janitor who helps him discover a fantasy world; a world he creates to help give the boy some hope for the future. It helps that the kid is the cutest boy in the world but they do an awesome job of showing the bond that is formed between the two and the story actually ends in a manner that will keep you away from harmfully using sharp objects on yourself. I rate this one as FRESH.

Next up was the thirteen minute long The Voorman Problem, starring everyone's favorite hobbit in Martin Freeman. He is called into a local prison to analyze an inmate who is causing a moderate revolution among his fellow inmates due to his convincing argument to everyone that his is a god. Freeman goes in skeptical like most would, especially when he sees that the god looks like Booger from Revenge of the Nerds; but the second the inmate starts to display his "power" Freeman's world is turned upside down.  While it was entertaining, I will have to rate this one as WEAK as it seems like an idea I could've come up with in a day.

Here is when you start to get exhausted as the next two pick up the intensity. Up first was the French offering of Just Before Losing Everything. Things start off calm as it appears that a young boy is simply walking to school, that is until a car zips up and frantically picks him up along with another slightly older girl. You soon learn that this woman is trying to escape out of town with her children from her overbearing and physically abusive husband. Along the way however, obstacles keep getting in the way and at least in my eyes, you still aren't sure if she gets away clean at the end. The pacing of the film has you on the edge of your seat from the very moment you figure out what is going on and you find that you are having to restrain yourself from yelling at the screen in an attempt to help the woman. I rate this short as TIGHT and I didn't think it could be beaten until the next film started.

That Wasn't Me starts off by showing an African guide driving this Spanish couple through the jungle of Africa when they get to a barricade that is guarded by two kids armed with automatic rifles. As the guide is trying to convince the guard to allow them safely through, a car with an angry general and his young army pulls up and immediately accuses them of trying to steal his army of children. From that moment on you are shown in a rather convincing fashion just how these kids are trained to become the monsters you read about. I found myself gasping and halfway covering my eyes the second the couple and their guide are lined up to be executed. If by small chance you actually see this film, I won't ruin the ending for you but just know that this short must have had a fairly decent budget as it included a tank and a realistic gun battle in the middle of it. I rate this movie as TIGHT and it clearly should be the winner.

The last film was the shortest and easily the worst of the five. I believe it was chosen because someone's nephew needed a favor and it helped you recover from the previous four films. Do I Have to Take Care of Everything is about a woman whose husband and two kids are absolutely no help in her attempts to get them to a wedding on time. I'm already bored writing about it so I'll just let you know that it was WEAK.

So there you go, hopefully this will help you and possibly me stay awake during this portion of the 10 hour ceremony. I will take my reward in the form of a mimosa the next morning to help with my hangover.