Damn you Wu Tang for all your relentless and clever references
to the Marvel comic book characters. If it weren’t for you, I probably would’ve never
wasted money on the first Thor movie! Ok, well we all know that isn’t true but at
least I wouldn’t have listened to Raekwon's rhymes beforehand to get me hyped. In
the end that movie sucked and not even a smoking hot Natalie Portman was able to save
it. Well if you fast forward to today there are a ton of reasons in place for you to
avoid seeing part 2 : Raekwon is now 83 years old, the studios have stopped
caring about even attempting to make good Marvel movies, and Portman has been
tainted by a dirty Frenchie! Forever unclean!!!The sad thing is, even with all
of these solid reasons to avoid seeing it, there I was opening night with a medium
popcorn in hand, laced with cyanide, eager as all get out to torture and kill myself. So if you think about it, that would mean you are either reading my suicide note or that I actually survived this film, guess you’ll have to finish reading this to find out.
To be honest with you, I have already forgotten most of the
plot but the movie starts out with Thor fighting to restore order to the 9
realms. He shows up whipping his mighty hammer around (why does this sound like
a porn already) and grandstanding as he does it. And I won’t lie, this
immediately made me like the movie. I’ve always felt like the superheroes
needed more swagger, similar to what Downey Jr. brought to the Ironman character. They should
give them all fresh little dances to do after they make a big kill, similar to the
touchdown dances you see in the NFL.
Anyway, you are introduced to a new evil as the leader of
the dark elves, who failed in his first attempt to rule and cover the universe
in darkness with his weapon Aether, is back as the Aether has somehow
resurfaced and attached itself to Natalie Portman. This is made possible when
Portman lucks upon a portal that links the realms together and mistakenly
falls in while researching it. Thor returns to Earth to save her from the dark
elf who plans to take back his weapon and start another war. Along the way,
lives are taken and the battle becomes personal; so much so that Thor has to
bury the hatchet with his brother Loki and enlist him for his help.
I already mentioned the swag that Thor brings to this movie
is a plus but it also helped that for the first time Loki didn’t simply come
off as Euro trash! His intelligence and ambition wasn’t presented in a cheesy manner
like it was in the first Thor and in The Avengers. Instead director Alan Taylor
brings his Sopranos and Game of Thrones flavor to this movie and portrays Loki
in a manner that makes you want to root for him whether he ends up turning the
corner and doing good or if he remains the bad guy. Similar to when Macho Man
Randy Savage was having his issues with Queen Elizabeth. Also the dark elf was
a solid villain and an admirable foe for Thor. The cgi was cool and the best
and most interesting part of the movie comes at the end when all of the rules
of physics, dimensions, laws, and whatever else you can think of are out of
whack and thrown out the window. It makes for some interesting fight scenes.
Rene Russo of all people has a cool fight scene, Kat
Dennings is annoying every time she opens her mouth but her hotness makes up
for it, and somehow Portman is so beautiful that she temporarily makes you
forget about the French taint! Kind of like Scarlett Johansson and her herpes.
I rate this movie as FRESH and I definitely suggest that you
check it out.
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