Monday, March 31, 2014

Sabotage

Greedy, greedy, greedy! That's how I would describe Hollywood these days and sadly I think that greed will ultimately lead to it's downfall. Sure they stay afloat with superhero reboot after superhero reboot but eventually we will all get tired of that. And I wont even go into their refusal to adapt to changes in technology and how we prefer to view or get our movies (they are slowly coming around on this btw). But in an effort to corner the market, they changed the face of the action star in order to bring in the female viewer in. So instead of men that are full of steroids and awesome one liners, we are stuck with Shia Ladouche (Labeouf) and Ben Affleck trying to sell us on what's manly. Maybe I'm stuck in the good old days when Arnold and Charles Bronson taught us how to talk shit and look cool while beating a man senseless but dammit at least I can recognize a good action flick when I see one. And that's the issue, when we are finally done with retread superhero movies, we at some point have to recognize and enjoy normal action flicks when they come around. And that's why I was so disappointed when Sabotage bombed at the box office this weekend.

This movie had a good writer and director in Street King's David Ayer, a great cast that included Sam Worthington, Terrence Howard, Rushmore's Olivia Williams, and everyone's favorite chimpanzee Mireille Enos, and it even had Arnold trying to act again (he succeeded btw). So there was absolutely no reason for this movie to fail.

If you have ever seen an Ayer flick then you know it's going to come complete with brutally violent action scenes, an intricate plot, and morally questionable characters that drive the story. What I love best about his films however is the great banter that takes place between the cops. And from everything I have read and seen, Ayer for the most part nails the dialogue and joke cracking that takes place between what is essentially a family of action junkies. Whenever things start to slow down a bit in the movie, someone says something so off the wall that it has you shamefully laughing at a quip that would normally make your mother blush. But that's what's so great about this film, it feels like you are watching something that's real and not some over the top fabrication where you see people coming out of a burning building without any smoke inhalation or singed clothing. Kind of like those Pierce Brosnan Bond movies where he's water skiing in a tux and it never gets wet. If only  I could afford those water resistant Armani threads!  But I digress.

In Sabotage, Arnold and his special unit DEA team take down a ruthless cartel and in the process confiscate their money. But before they let the supporting units in, they steal 10 million of it for themselves and stash it somewhere underground for safe keeping. They get away with the heist at the time but when they return the next day to retrieve their money, someone has already beaten them to it. The higher ups at the DEA somehow know that they more than likely stole money, they just cant prove anything. So they shut down Arnold and his team to do a lengthy investigation. When they eventually clear him and his team of any wrongdoing due to a lack of evidence, Arnold returns only to find his team both unruly and undisciplined due to the amount of downtime they had.  And more importantly he discovers that the lack of a payday from their heist has led to distrust amongst the group. It's not too long after they are allowed to work together again that someone, presumably the cartels, starts knocking them off one by one.

I can see why the critics weren't too high on this movie, it's mainly due to the fact that its kind of a downer and that Ayer goes a little too over the top with the gore. But that doesn't take away from the fact that it's a darn good movie. I can honestly say that I had no clue how the movie was going to end and I was completely dumbfounded by the multiple plot twists. All of the typical Ayer elements that I described earlier are in this movie and the acting (including Arnolds) is spot on. Howard might have been a bit of a miscast but it he honestly wasn't asked to do much in this film.

I rate this movie as FRESH and suggest that you check it out. If for nothing else, do yourself a favor and go see what real men look like. If you want to see dudes in skinny jeans sweat, just come to Austin in June.

Thursday, March 27, 2014

Muppets Most Wanted

Some of us never grow up! There are some adults in this world that still collect toys, some play kickball, some join adult hide and go seek leagues, and others are stuck in the days of when Kelly LeBrock and Chaka Khan were hot! I won't say which of these categories I fall in but lets just say I spent my entire lunch watching Weird Science and wishing I had a big black lady baking me dessert while singing "I feel for you! I think I loooove you!" So it should come as no surprise that the return of the Muppets made over 100 million dollars worldwide and that they decided to not only make a sequel to it but also decided to show it in theaters where you can drink beer. The last part of that I am certainly not complaining about but they should know their audience just a bit better when showing the previews. Just because I am seeing The Muppets doesn't mean I want to see every other children's flick that's coming out this year. I have no desire to see Rio 8 with Bruno freaking Mars and Kristen Chenoweth! And why feel the need to pay Bruno 1 million dollars to do a voice in this cartoon? Kids are going to annoy their parents into taking them to this catastrophe anyway, just save the money on Bruno and hand out cyanide popsicles for the adults as they walk into the theater, this way they don't die a slow death.

Anyway, I was channeling the two old men from The Muppets with that rant, so sorry about that. This movie picks up right from where it's predecessor left off and you immediately get the old men complaining; which of course had me cheering! They along with Animal are my favorite characters and thankfully this movie features just enough of the both of them. The crew is at a loss in regard to what their next move should be, that is until the shady "agent" Dominic Badguy (Ricky Gervais) comes into the picture. He lies and tells them that his name is French and pronounced "bad'g ee" to deflect from the obvious fact that he is evil and using them as part of a secret plan to steal the Crown Jewels. He is in cahoots with the recently escaped and world's most dangerous criminal Constantine, or as I like to call him, Evil Kermit. And through some awesome trickery, they convince the German police that Kermit is in fact Constantine and have him arrested and sent off to a Russian prison which is run by Tina Fey. So off they go, on a world tour featuring Evil Kermit and the hoodwinked Muppet clan as Interpol (TyBurrell) along with Sam Eagle try to figure out why there are random burglaries at every one of their stops.

This movie keeps in the spirit of The Muppets you remember from the past; a ton of crazy characters each with their own agendas that Kermit has to try and manage on his own. It's full of awesome puns and random celebrity appearances as well. Speaking of, Gervais seemed to be simply collecting a check with his performance. At one point during one of his song and dance numbers, he looked directly into the camera as if to say "You guys owe me an extra 500k for this". He could have at least put forth an effort or two to try and crack a smile. Maybe he had one too many pints before each take. Fey along with Burrell however seemed to enjoy themselves. Although I do have to say I was expecting just a bit more weirdness from Fey; maybe she felt the need to tone it down since it's a pg movie. But couldn't they have at least given her a cross dressing boyfriend or something?

Maybe I'm just getting old but some of the celebrity appearances I either didn't recognize or I simply couldn't understand why it was such a big deal that they were in the movie in the first place. In the end it didn't matter however as the movie had me laughing the entire time. But with that said, the movie does run a little long. I don't have children but I can imagine them and their short attention spans getting tired around the 90 minute mark. Thankfully I had a cute drunk girl sitting next to me to help keep my attention with her nice rack and her awesome Animal t-shirt that she wore to cover it! Bret from Flight of the Conchords once again wrote the songs for this movie, so if you like him and that show's humor, you should like this movie as well.

I will rate this movie as FRESH and I hope that you don't get the old lady in the theater that laughs way to hard at some of the jokes like I did.

Monday, March 24, 2014

Cheap Thrills

Last night I had a dream that I attended a secret Q & A with Lady Gaga at SXSW. And during this session I discovered that she was in fact a really boring and unattractive person; so much so that I fell asleep midway through one of her answers. So there I was, dreaming within my dream Inception style; so consequently I drifted further into my subconscious, if you believe the science of that movie. And in that dream within a dream I discovered that I secretly wanted to have sex with Gaga and become her bodyguard ala Kevin Costner! Sadly though, I woke up just before I could have sex with her and instantly fall asleep afterward, drifting even further into my subconscious. So who knows what would have resulted from that dream, we probably would have given birth to 13 little R Kelly's that would run around the house peeing on everything. She would of course call it art and add it to her show.

The point of that ridiculous story is that we never really know what we are capable of or how deep some of our true desires are buried until we are put in certain situations where we can either get away with it and no one would know or we are pushed to the brink of survival. The cool thing abut Cheap Thrills is that it tackles this subject head on and in a manner that hasn't challenges the audience in a way I haven't seen since Pulp Fiction. You find yourself laughing at its dark humor but at the same time feeling unbelievably guilty for doing so.

The story takes you through the day of a married mechanic who has just had a newborn baby boy and is on the brink of eviction from his place due to his money issues. On this day, Craig finds out that he has just been laid off and is facing the reality of his family being thrown into the streets with no real means to provide for them  So he decides to grab a drink at a nearby bar before heading home to face his wife. And while he's there he runs into an old buddy of his from grade school in Vince (Ethan Embry), a guy he hasn't seen in forever. Hard to believe that this is the same kid from Can't Hardly Wait and Vegas Vacation as he is completely unrecognizable yet rather convincing as the tattoo covered tough guy who collects money for bookies.  He himself is living a rather tough life and has a few money issues as well. Anyway, after they quickly catch up they run into this odd couple in Colin (Anchorman's Koechner) and Violet (Sara Paxton) who are out on the town celebrating her birthday. It's clearly a May-December romance as Colin is trying anything he can to entertain his seemingly perpetually bored wife.

So they spend their entire time placing little bets on random events that take place around them. However, to spice things up they invite Craig and Vince along for the ride and make them the focal point of their bets. At first things start off simple with bets of who can take a shot first or who can get a woman at the bar to slap them with Colin giving the winner a specified amount of money for their accomplishment. But as they move locations, both the dares and the stakes start to escalate. So much so that it's beginning to put Craig and Vince's friendship to the test.

I will let you discover just how crazy things get on your own but just know that once Violet offers one of them sex for money, this is when things start to get really freaky. No, it doesn't turn into a full blown orgy or anything like that but it does clue you in to just how out of control things get. And the only reason I bring that dare up is because this was the only point of the movie where Paxton actually had to act and she completely blew it! I loved her in the unbelievably brutal Last House on the Left but she really took this young bored housewife role too much to heart here. Outside of this minor complaint however, I absolutely loved this movie. I cannot tell you how many times the couple next to me was burying their heads in each other's chest and openly gasping during certain scenes. I love movies that challenge you and Cheap Thrills does that from a physical, psychological, and moral standpoint.

As a matter of fact, I feel kind of dirty for liking this movie but I can't help but give it a rating of TIGHT! Also the final shot of the movie is one that will go down as a classic and will grace movie posters and magazines for quite some time! Job well done.

Friday, March 21, 2014

The Best of SXSW

Is there a reason that I am 73 years old and still single? Yes, it's because only I can see a blond bombshell standing by herself and rocking out to the latest reincarnation of Jon B in Sam Smith at Fader Fort and lack the balls to go up and actually talk to her. Anyone who comes across this girl would be stupid not to ask her to marry them on the spot! Well wouldn't you know it, I ran into her the very next day at the secret Soundgarden show on a rooftop and this time I actually had the balls to talk to her. I even made her laugh and clued her into a new artist she might like based off of her musical preferences. But in typical fashion, as I was waiting in line for the port-a-pot, I let some college girl convince me that I looked hot in this over sized flat billed cap that she threw on my head. Well needless to say, once Jessica Rabbit saw me in this thing, she threw herself off the ledge of the building in horror. Ok, well she didn't actually do that but you could tell that she was disgusted by the fact that she even wasted 10 minutes of her time talking to me. Perhaps I'm the one who should have thrown himself off the ledge that night! Anyway, if you happen to watch Directv's airing of the Soundgarden Guitar Sessions, just look for the idiot who looks like he's 12 years old because he's wearing an over sized black cap and absolutely losing his mind over the fact that Chris Cornell is 10 feet in front of him. Also, I'm sure Jessica Rabbit is somewhere standing near me calling the cops. Oh well, on to the acts.

Even though they played what seemed like 12 shows over a week and a half, I was only able to see Perfect Pussy once and that was at Stubb's. The second they got on stage, Meredith Graves (lead vocalist) said into the mic "Hi! We're Perfect Pussy and we're terrified!" You could tell that this was probably the largest venue they had played to date and their sound isn't really suited for that kind of a stage but man, you certainly couldn't tell that they were scared. Song after song their organized noise ripped through the crowd while Meredith yelled punk lyrics like "I am not innocent, I am dangerous" or "I am full of rage! I am full of peace!" Now most of the crowd that was there to see Damon Albarn had no clue how to handle what they were experiencing but there were a few of us that were dancing like madmen. At one point after Meredith yelled "I couldn't afford a new dress but fuck it, what does it matter anyway" my friend turned to me and asked what in the world was going on (in reference to what she was witnessing) and I replied "I'm not quite sure either but I like it!" Perfect Pussy is FRESH!

Right after they got off the stage, the Eagulls were up next. I actually previewed these guys last year but never saw them because I thought their sound was too inconsistent and that they would flame out rather quickly as a result of it. Plus it didn't help that my friend constantly reminded me that their name was following the recent stupid hipster trend of misspelling words for their band name. Well I convinced her that she should give them a shot anyway and the second they opened their mouths with their thick British accents to introduce themselves, my British groupie friend instantly fell in love. The lead has the stage presence of slightly less gay Morrissey while at the same time channeling INXS' Michael Hutchence. And the rest of the band keeps you dancing with their soaring distorted guitar riffs that reminds you of the harder 80's pop groups; if such a thing ever existed. I love this band and expect them to play the early slots of the big festivals this year. These guys are definitely FRESH!

The best show I saw this year easily belongs to Sohn. Thankfully I missed his abbreviated set the night before due to his band's traveling issues but on this night he seemed revved up to put on a proper show for his fans. I had to just woken up from my disco nap so I was re-energized myself, and apparently I wasn't the only one who needed a pick me up as I heard people openly asking for cocaine and Adderall in the venue. Yes, we had officially reached THAT point of SXSW. Anyway, this setting was perfect for Sohn's show as it was the night after the tragic drunk driving incident occurred and it was in the same venue that shut down earlier in the day due to the fact that it's employees had to witness the horrific events. Cheer Up Charlie's natural rock background with it's mutli colored lighting provided the best backdrop possible for Sohn's soulful electronic indie sound. He takes his time in sound check and the once he starts up, you can tell why. Everything synced up masterfully and you could see the entire venue nodding their heads and dancing in approval as he reeled you in with his confidence and beautiful voice. I'm really surprised  I didn't impregnate someone on the spot because it felt like everything kind of went back to normal and the festival was once again about the music and enjoying the spirit of SXSW. Do yourself a favor and get into this guy's music. I have elevated him to TIGHT!.

Next up is Ratking, a breath of fresh air out of NYC. They bring a punk like style to the hip hop game with their socially conscious and angry lyrics but at the same time they have the ability to channel De La Soul's laid back almost funk signature. Even though I was disappointed the lead didn't make himself bleed this time by repeatedly hitting himself in the head with the mic, he still brought his crazy energy and razor sharp lyrics to help balance his counterpart's laid back flow and singing. This is exactly what the nerds in the crowd were thirsty for as this show took place during the Interactive portion of SXSW. Definitely give these guys a listen as I rate them as FRESH!

Honorable mention goes to Schoolboy Q and his performance at the Spin party. For some reason they put him on a small stage, and when he came out and saw how little room he had available to move around, he wasn't all that pleased but that certainly didn't stop him from giving his all. He first made all of the real Q fans come up front and all the casual onlookers move to the back as his ripped through Collard Greens (yes, he did do Kendrick's verse, even the Spanish) and There He Go. The crowd was unbelievably hype and they knew every one of the words to his songs, I guess that's what having your album debut at #1 will do for you. Something that he was certainly proud of and something that added even more fuel to his ego. The best part of the show probably belonged to his 10 foot tall, 480 lb bodyguard who looked like he had been lifting weights in his front yard for the past 30 years. He looked fresh out of jail and was clearly waiting for someone to slip up so he could murder them on the spot. Some poor white kid was trying to shake Q's hand and if Q hadn't consented, after yelling no homo of course, the black Andre the Giant was there to pounce. I also have to give Q props for not caring about going over his time limit and rapping until they cut his sound off. He finally ended the show by attempting a stage dive at the end but he forgot that he's not Kendrick, he weighs about 250 lbs and the skinny white hipster kids couldn't quite hold him up. I rate Schoolboy Q as kind of FRESH and suggest you pop in.

Anyway, that about wraps it up. Thanks to Drenge for making me deaf in one ear and if you see Jessica Rabbit out there, please apologize for me and ask her to give me a second chance!

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

The Grand Budapest Hotel

I look forward to watching the latest Wes Anderson films but I certainly do not look forward to reviewing them. It is so hard (for me anyway) to properly explain the oddity of his characters and the quirkiness of his humor in a manner that does it any justice. And to be honest, I haven't really found many other critics that are capable of doing this either. Despite this fact however, he has almost become an American institution based off of word of mouth alone. And as a result you have packed indie theaters full of curious moviegoers who simply don't get his humor and look at you in disgust when you're laughing out loud at his jokes. Although at this point, given the uppity indie theater I attend here in Austin, I can't tell if it's Anderson rookies that are looking at me sideways or if it's just the regular movie snobs who are upset with me for ruining their theater experience. These are the same people who sit in the theater's lobby before the film and sip on their coffee or hot chocolate while wearing mock turtlenecks or Columbia fleeces. And just after the finish their exhaustingly long discussion about the latest Lars Von Trier "masterpiece" they file their way into the theater to experience cinema greatness and give it golf claps as the credits roll; for which they stay until the very end. So needless to say, anything about a slight chuckle is unacceptable to these people.

Anyway, I can over romanticize Anderson's films by rambling about how they try and bring humor to life's hard moments like I did for Moonrise Kingdom but I will spare you. Just know that while some of that exists in his latest film Budapest, for the most part this movie feels like more of a departure from that and more of a return to Bottle Rocket and Life Aquatic.

This film focuses on the story of the infamous and well respected hotel concierge of The Grand Budapest Hotel Gustave H, played by one of my favorites in Ralph Fiennes. Members of high society travel from all over Europe to stay at this hotel, in part because of him. He runs a tight ship and has a penchant for quoting romantic poetry and seducing older women; mainly because they are lonely, needy, and easy. And when I say older women, I mean grandmothers! Yes, its as disgusting as it sounds yet quite hilarious.

One day as he is training the new lobby boy, who eventually becomes his closest and most trusted friend, he learns of the death of one of his latest conquests, Madame D (Tilda Swinton). The second he arrives at her estate to pay his respects, he also learns that he has inherited from her the priceless painting Boy With Apple. Her money hungry family is having none of it however, despite the fact that she left the majority of her estate to her slimy son Dmitri(Brody) and his three sisters who look like the witches from the original Clash of the Titans with Harry Hamlin. So someone in the family devises a plan to frame Gustave for the murder of Madame D and the race is on to clear his name before he spends the rest of his life in prison.

Now I know all of this sounds a bit heavy but in typical Wes Anderson fashion, he finds a way to make greed, evil conspiracy, and insecurity funny. Most of the film's funny parts are provided by the jackassery of Dmitri and by the brutality of his muscle, Jopling (Dafoe). Jopling by the way has one of the best intros ever for a character. If you have ever played the video game Mike Tyson's Punch Out, just think about the numerous times you lost to one of it's characters and then picture their dance and subsequent celebration; and that pretty much sums up his intro. If you have never played that game and have no clue what I am talking about, well that's your loss and you'll just have to experience it on your own when you see this film.

With that said, Budapest has all of the classic Anderson elements you'd expect to see in his films: the occasional narration, the impeccable set and costume design, the touching love story (which takes place between the lobby boy and the pale but adorable Saoirse Ronan), and of course the obstacle course escape plan. All of the actors seem to be enjoying themselves, which is typically the case in Anderson's films, and it really comes across on screen.

I rate this movie as TIGHT and suggest that you see it. Just make sure you wear a mock turtle neck so that you fit in.

Thursday, March 13, 2014

300: Rise of an Empire

There was a point in my life when I would always sneak a 40oz or two into the theater via my surrogate girlfriend's gigantic purse; partly because I was a borderline lush and partly because I was forced to see terrible movies like What Dreams May Come or Notting Hill. This trend briefly continued when I moved to Austin but I think it finally came to an end when I saw Fernando Meirelles' (City of God, Constant Gardener) career ending failure Blindness. I'm sorry but fat blind guys running a human trafficking ring is even more depressing when you're drunk. So needless to say, I was also a bit tipsy during the first 300 when I saw it in the theater. The only things I remembered when I walked out of it were a tall bi-sexual looking Xerces, oiled up and in shape men who did a lot of screaming, and the lady from Game of Thrones literally and figuratively getting boned by some scrub with a perm. I'm actually afraid to see it again for fear that it won't be nearly as fresh as I remember.

But thankfully Lena Headey gives you a little recap before they jump right into the movie. She also explains what originally started the conflict in the first place; and it basically has to do with Greece fighting for it's freedom from the Persians and Xerces looking to get revenge on Themistokles for killing his father in battle. So you are taken through the transformation of Xerces the human to Xerces the half god; and you see him wage war on all of Greece with the hopes of burning it all to the ground. He enlists the help of his father's fearsome and beautiful naval commander Eva Green to help him in this quest. Now this easily becomes the best part of the movie because she looks like a goth girl who is rolling and as you would expect from Green, she gets naked at the drop of a hat. However the only complaint I have about that is that it was in one of the weirdest sex scenes you will ever see. I'll leave the particulars of it for you to experience on your own but just know that only Zach Snyder (writer) could make you feel awkward about seeing Eva Green naked. You also briefly see a few clips of a cgi Gerard Butler as the original story simultaneously takes place during this sequel.

Outside of that, there really isn't much to the plot. There are a few random battles that take place at sea with terrible uninspiring dialogue in between. And during these battles it is full of blood splattering cgi and swords that are so sharp they can apparently cut through flesh and bone with one swing. The first half of the movie was a little boring for me because I'm not the roided up weight lifter who secretly wants to get into fights all of the time. So all of the macho grandstanding kind of fell flat with me. Also, I thought that some of the background stories on a few of the characters seemed a bit too much; kind of like they were fishing for shock value more than anything else. But I could just be getting old.

Once the giant fire starter beast showed up, the movie took it up a notch from an entertainment perspective. The trash talking got better and they finally decided to do some cool stuff with all the money they spent on the cgi. I actually finally cared about what was happening to the characters on screen and I caught myself saying out loud "whoa, that was cool!"

In the end, this movie wont change the world or anything but if you are looking for a 2 hour escape into the world blood and boobs; then do yourself a favor and check it out! I rate this movie as barely FRESH!

Friday, March 7, 2014

SXSW Preview 6000 : Eagulls and Denzel Curry

Simply so I can shed the stupid hipster or blipster (black hipster) label I have been given lately, today I will revisit two artists that I have previewed on this site before; further proving that I don't toss away bands the second they get discovered. Why am I concerned about this? I was reminded of the time I decided to go out with this girl from Kentucky who wears cowgirl boots, only hangs out in trendy dive bars, and listens to indie rockabilly bands. Apparently as we were talking about our love for music, I unintentionally hated on every band's second album that was mentioned. "Oh, I was into them when they dropped their first album but they lost me on their follow up." Looking back I can see how that would be annoying but whatever, every band we brought up was a hipster indie band and their albums did suck. This of course excludes the band Tennis because everything they release sucks!

But anyway, after a while she looked at me in disgust and proceeded to call me a hipster. Keep in mind that we were sitting in one of her trendy dive bars that she rode her bicycle to and she called me this while she was drinking her tall boy of Lone Star beer. I guess she felt offended by the fact that she felt out hipstered? Sorry girl, step up your game, step up your game!

On to the artists. First up is a band that continues the stupid tradition of purposely misspelling words or simply replacing a letter with a number in their name. You've seen these clowns; bands like Haerts or Shjps. Well these guys take it to the next level with the name Eagulls; not only misspelling a name but also ripping the name of a more famous band. It's so ridiculous it's almost genius. But after I stopped hating on their name, I actually listened to the music and I have to say I'm a fan. They hail from Leeds, England and for some reason they seem hell bent on not having one particular style. In one song they can go from sounding like Sonic Youth to reminding you of Black Flag. Now I don't think they are as good as either of the aforementioned bands but the fact that they remind me of them is a good sign and makes them worth a listen. I'm still reluctant to rate this underground 80's esque band until I see them live but for now I will give them a rating of barely WEAK.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lknTsxN79XM

Next up is Denzel Curry and hopefully he can bring some level of respectability to back to hip hop with his Nostalgia 64 album.  Right now I believe he is simply riding the high that came from Trayvon Martin’s death since he is from the same high school and had a song about the walkout they had in protest of his murder. But don’t let that deter you from checking him out as he definitely has skills. He raps above his age which is key since he hasn’t even graduated from high school yet. Now if he were a scrub like me, he’d be rapping about parties and how he wishes he was a baller but he doesn’t ; he raps about life's forks in the road and how he has the seen the negative consequences of making the wrong choices. He has a good flow and speaks the language that you would expect to hear from someone in the country ghetto that is Florida. And he does all of  this over dark gully beats that definitely represent the south. Check him out as I give him a rating of FRESH.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8L8BJVCMUDI

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Non-Stop


It has been a rough start to the New Year in regard to movies. When I, Frankenstein ranks as one of the better films that has been released in the past few months, you know that it’s time for Hollywood to either step up their game or for you to sift through your old porn collection for entertainment. In either case, I went into Non-Stop with the hopes that Liam Neeson, who has found his wheelhouse as the father figure action hero of late, would help bridge the gap between the post-Oscar run and the major summer releases. With any luck, this could turn out to be the next favorite movie of mine that will eventually wind up in the convenient store Treasure Hunt bin for $4.99, much like Children of Men did. Really America??? The mind numbing Armageddon is still worth $15 a DVD but a thoughtful sci-fi thriller by Alfonso Cuaron is sitting next to Arachnophobia? I might join Kanye in moving to Europe.

So the movie starts off by showing you a clearly troubled U.S. Air Marshall in Liam Neeson, as he has to have his morning spiked drink before arguing with his wife and dealing with whatever issue he is going through with his daughter. This is all right before he gets on a flight and actually does his job. It’s like the rebirth of John McClain but without the dingy wife beater undershirt. With everything that is going on however, he still is always on the job; seemingly using his Air Marshall vision to assess every possible threat as he goes through security.

Once he boards the plane, the director shows you a number of shady looking people that could possible pose a threat. And it’s not long into the flight when Neeson gets an anonymous text from someone on the plane threatening to kill a passenger every twenty minutes until they get $150 million deposited into their account. Neeson, like most normal people would, wonders how he can openly kill someone on a plane and not instantly get caught. But the hijacker finds creative ways to do it and the body count continues to rise as Neeson is in a time crunch to find them before the next person is executed. Along the way you start to question any and everyone on the plane as the hijacker is giving away zero clues as to who his or her identity is. And just when you think you have it figured it out, something else out of the ordinary happens and you’re starting from square one, just like Neeson.

As people continue to die and Neeson takes them through security measure after security measure, the passengers begins to think that he is in fact the hijacker and they start plans to take him out.

So as you can see, things get really intense and I honestly have to say that this movie does keep you guessing all the way to the climax of the story. And once you finally do get to the big reveal at the end, its satisfying enough even with the plot holes that come up as a result of it. It helps that there’s a Matrix like gun fight that will have you laughing at the absurdity and awesomeness of it. I just wish that Liam Neeson would incorporate one liners after each execution or personal kill. Something along the lines of “Instead of the in flight dinner, it looks like he was the one to get served!” This might elevate him to Arnold status and if we’re being honest with ourselves, isn’t everyone secretly trying to reach that point in their lives?

I rate this movie as FRESH and suggest that you check it out.

Saturday, March 1, 2014

SXSW Preview 5 : Slaves, Perfect Pussy, and Sza

I continue to burn bridges in the infant stage of my writing career by trashing most of the artists that this nice PR firm sends me out to preview for them. And apparently I am too lazy to actually vote for the Austin Music Blogger awards, so consequently they tried to charge me a cover price to get into the awards show! Yeah, that didn't quite happen. But I figure maybe its time for me to actually make friends and hopefully stop the bleeding at some point. So I have decided that I will only preview or review artists that I actually like for at least two to three days and see where that gets me; probably right back on my couch! Who knows though, Jimmy Fallon has next to no talent but being nice got him the Tonight Show gig with The Roots as his supporting band. With my luck I'll end up as Wayne Brady's sidekick on his syndicated late night talk show playing the role as the black conspiracy theorist. "You see the game of pool is racist! The game is over when the white ball knocks the black ball clear off the table!" That quote actually belongs to Martin Lawrence in Boomerang but I'll be too lazy to give him credit for it and try and claim it as my own.

So ironically the first artist I'm previewing today happens to be a punk band from Great Britain called Slaves. I was a bit scared to preview them because they were a band that I discovered while drinking by myself at midnight, and typically those bands don't sound nearly as good to me the next day. But these guys actually held up. They literally sound like the reincarnation of the Sex Pistols as they spout out random obscenities and lyrics like "I like it better when you're mad at me, you're really boring when you're nice". This is something I can relate to as I love me some crazy girls too. I rate these guys as FRESH!
http://soundcloud.com/slavesuk/wheres-your-car-debbie-1

Next up is Perfect Pussy, a band out of Syracuse, New York. Their sound is basically organized noise with a chick screaming about how she never wanted children but just a niece apartment with drapes. It's bold punk that I know I shouldn't like because on the surface it sounds like "Sex and the City makes a band", but you can tell there's so much more to it than that. Their demo sounds like it was recorded under my bed but that simply adds to their charm. Plus who isn't in a search for perfect pussy? I rate them as very FRESH!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wKPc7kD4vjM

I actually previewed this next artist on my site earlier this year but I think she's worth bringing up again as she will be playing Hype Hotel this SXSW. Sza is an RnB artist from Jersey who has a light voice that sounds like it’s a natural auto tuner. Her sound is next of Sade at times and she even looks a bit like her if you go back to the No Ordinary Love era. At other times, her music sounds like Purity Ring, if they ever decided to go with a hip hop sound.  This is cool, definitely get you laid type music. Who would have ever thought that RnB mixed with bass heavy Enya could sound so good? I think that once she eventually teams up with a real producer she can’t help but take off as she definitely has the vocal chops for indie stardom. Plus lyrics like “None of my panties match, my fella hates it” in Castles, will have dudes having unprotected sex with their girlfriends in no time! Yes, just the mere mention of panties gets us going. Atmosphere and Ice Moon are the highlights on her 8 track mix tape, which for some reason has 3 long movie clips on it. Who is she, the female Redman? Who has the time to put obscure movie clips on their mix tape? Despite this minor complaint, I give her a rating of FRESH and suggest you get on this bandwagon.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C3OCRsSJNs8&list=PLdXiEijcRY1MVhQJNs-4PBNx_fDLrmijU