Safe - Jason Statham

What is the recent fascination with Kevin Hart lately? Am I the only one who doesn't think he's that funny? I do chuckle from time to time but wasn't this the same guy that was in Soul Plane? As a side note, this movie is also responsible for Sophia Vergara, so I guess there was some good that came from that mess. And in the end Hart is a thousand times better than Dane Cook but it just seems like we latch on to the wrong talent. For instance, there has been a steep decline in true action stars these days. We keep trying to force actors into this role like Ryan Reynolds, James Mcavoy, or Jaden Smith. While good actors in their own right, they aren't the next Arnold or Stallone. Then there are some reluctant action stars who might fill this role but feel the need to do serious material as well such as Will Smith, Matt Damon, or even Sam Worthington. What we need is the macho dude who rips off his shirt for no reason and says awesome one liners like "you're luggage!!" after shooting an alligator or Wesley Snipes telling Chuck Raine "You ever play roulette? Always bet on black!"Well we have such a star but for some reason he doesnt get the blockbuster action movies. Granted, it doesn't help that he's 5'3", bald, and has a permanent 5 o'clock shadow but hey, Tom Cruise is also 5'3" and certifiably insane and he had a pretty good run with action movies. The person I am talking about is Jason Statham. All he does is Crank (see how I did that?) out awesome flicks that fill your need for mindless awesome action entertainment. And his latest film Safe didn't disappoint. Is it Shakespeare? No, but man it's full of gun play, mixed martial arts, and even an attempt at a story.

So essentially here's the set up. There's this young Asian girl who is a mathematical genius, I swear I'm not making this up. She apparently can look at anything with numbers and remember it instantly. She is taken from her mother and is forced to work for this Chinese gang who runs quite a few illegal businesses. Meanwhile, Statham is an ex badass cop who is now a down on his luck cage fighter. After he doesn't throw a fight that the Russian gang tells him to throw, he comes home to find his wife murdered by them. Their paths cross when the Russians attempt to kidnap Mei (math genius) because she alone has this secret code in her head given to her by the Chinese. She somehow escapes and Statham, who is about to kill himself, sees her running for her life and then decides that he now has a reason to live and that reason is to make sure this girl isn't harmed. That, along with a few homo erotic exchanges between men, is basically the movie. They reveal what the code is for as the movie goes on but honestly who cares; we just want to see Statham knock someone out.

What makes this movie worth seeing is the return of some classic over the top action scenes and one liners we've been missing. For example, there is a scene in a bar where Statham forks (as in silverware) a Russian to death and then literally leaps across a restaurant to kick, punch, stab, and shoot to death a table full of gangsters with ease. This is later followed by him eating a tasty sandwich and telling his sandwich man "Now this is great! I've been in restaurants all day and all I've been fed is hot lead". Haha awful for certain, but this is what you want in an action movie. Also props to the director for a pretty cool throw away scene where he films Statham running over a bad guy from the viewpoint of the backseat of a car. All in all, despite some bad dialogue and the lack of a random Chinese or Russian stripper scene, this is a pretty entertaining film and I would give it the rating of PURE FRESHNESS!!! However if you're looking for art, then it gets a rating of kind of weak and I would say wait until it's on netflix.

Bears, Bells, Yachts, Football,...

I know it will probably take you a while to sift through all of the bands with the name Bear in it because  anything having to do with bears or bells seems to be the popular choice for indie groups these days. But to help you out, look for the guy with the porn stache and you will come across Bear in Heaven. Now I dont know if I had just psyched myself out with disgust over all of the bands with bear in their name or if I had simply played their first album way too many times but I wasn't that pumped for the show. I saw them at SX and Jon Philpot (lead) had shaved his stache and their performance suffered a bit because of it. It also didnt help that it was during the day, I was drinking free wine, and they had to follow the Japandroids but still.

Well this night when Philpot took the stage he made up for lack of facial masculinity by dressing up like George Michael, complete with a white Bear in Heaven t shirt and white skinny jeans! Props for wearing his own band's shirt btw. I mean, it's better than wearing some other band's shirt that we both know you never listen to anyway just to look cool. If you do not know them, they are a synth dance group with guitar and drums mixed in. Their music is better suited for a dark club with strobe lights so you can get the full effect, not so much for a daytime festival. So keep that in mind when going to check them out.

On this night, they brought it! They played mainly new stuff but all of their new songs are amazing and build upon what they started with the first album. It just seems like the majority of the songs on their new album have more layers than it's predecessor so it's not just the same beat for 4 to 5 minutes. Some of the new album's highlights are World of Freakout, Sinful Nature, and Reflections of You which ends with Philpot begging you "dance with me, dance with me". After which he goes into full on Wham mode and for a second makes you think that dancing like a middle aged white guy in the 80's is actually cool. Speaking of, when did white girls learn how to booty shake? Was it all those Cash Money videos or are all of these Kill Whitey parties( I referenced this in my last post) actually working? Well if you do decide to go to their show, hope that they also play You Do You and their incredible cover of Lindstrom and Christabelle's Lovesick. 6 minutes of awesomeness!

The only problem with the show was the crowd. In Austin sometimes you get the too cool for school kids who literally will stand there wearing their hipsters glasses , their arms folded, and will refuse to move! It's like they are there for an art exhibit! It was soo bad that when Bear in Heaven came on stage, they didnt even cheer or applaud. It was as if the sound guys had come on stage and not the band themselves. Did the Parish fly in a bunch of scrubs from Soho for the show? Was their sole purpose to kill all of the fun in the place to guarantee that I wouldn't get laid? Oh well, it didnt matter. I forced some young lady I met to come with me in the middle of these geeks to get the dance party started. I give Bear in Heaven and their shows a rating of FRESH!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bbsUqGJ2qmw

So Much Fun Fun Fun I Forgot

So here are just a few quick thoughts on some bands before I head off to go see Bear in Heaven and the porn stache. I see so many shows that I sometimes forget some of the acts that I've seen live that I actually really liked.  Some blame this on my age (jerks), others on my alcohol intake. I like to think that it's a healthy balance of alcohol and the amount of random boobs that walk by me during a show that lead to this anomaly. i know it's sad but I am still a guy. Sometimes however, all it takes is a swift kick to the head and everything comes back to me.

For example, the song Guillotine by the Death Grips was just the kick I needed. I never knew the name of the group, just that of the drummer. And since I grew up teaching myself the drums to the first DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince album I like to think of myself as a drummer. So I was pumped to go see Zach Hill play just based off of what I had heard about him. I also heard that the guy rapping (Burnett) was ok too. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. First of all they were playing in this converted car garage and it was packed with hard core hip hop heads fresh off of a Kill Whitey party. I just found out about this phenomenon myself. If you like making fun of hipsters, check it out.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/08/25/AR2005082501818.html
But everyone was really hyped and knew every song. Their music is grimy, gully, experimental hip hop. It's just raw drums, a few keys mixed in, and Burnett tearing it up on the mic with some of the most random lyrics I've ever heard. While he brings tons of positive energy, he also looks like he's going to snap at any second and beat up everyone in the place. Maybe it's this element that keeps you glued to the stage, simply for the fact that you don't want to get knocked out and wake up later wearing a mask with a ball stuffed in your mouth.  Zed's dead baby, Zed's dead! Check these guys out if you want something different than Get Yo Swag On. I would rate them as kind of FRESH!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bYzDH_nnuNU


Another act that I also saw at Fun Fun Fun Fest was Purity Ring. Strangely enough it was in the same converted garage that I saw Death Grips. They are a two piece band from Canada with a female vocalist (James) and a guy (Roddick) on the keys. What bests describes their music is synth pop that you can dance to. James's voice isnt over powering but it's beautiful enough to grab your attention as you find your self pop locking to the beats. Hopefully for you, you are seeing them play in night club of some sort because the two seem to go hand in hand. All that's missing is some good old 80's gender bending and you've got yourself a party. Check out Lofticires and Bellspeak for yourself and see if you're into it. For me, I had a good time and would recommend checking them them out one night if you're bored. Until I hear their album that's coming out this year I would list them as kind of WEAK, but trending towards freshness.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YdPml5QhMIA&feature=related

Musicians Please Don't Move To Texas

I love Texas! Well, most of it anyway. The problem is that Texas and it's culture seeps into your skin no matter how much you fight it.I have a friend from New Zealand who moved here, married a Texas girl, was bar-b-queing ribs, and drinking Shiner in what seemed like a matter of months! Heck, growing up I worked as hard as possible to get rid of my stupid accent but even I broke down and got a pick up truck for my very first car. For the record though, I have never been "muddin". I realize that most people that have a full set of teeth and know that Miller High Life is NOT actually a champagne have no clue what "muddin" is; so just look it up in the urban dictionary so that you have a point of reference. I guess the point is, that when Erika Wennerstrom of the Heartless Bastards announced that she officially moved down here, my initial thought was "Yes!!! Now my stalking just got a whole lot easier!" I never even thought about the fact that she would also fall prey to the lusts of cowboy boots and Kevin Fowler!

Their first two albums are grungy blues albums that include gritty songs about drinking too much, being in love, or being in love and drinking too much and getting pissed off as a result of it.Then came their third album, The Mountain, which she made while getting over a bad break up from a relationship that lasted what seemed like forever (I got this info from an interview not from my made up stalking,  I promise). Excellent album and maybe even their best, however the crossover to country was just starting. I embraced the country influence because this album included what are now two of my favorite songs of theirs, The Mountain and Sway. Their shows still had incredible energy and her voice is amazing. Combine Janis Joplin with distortion and you have my attention no matter what else is happening around me.

Then came their latest album. I was entertaining a client of mine and his wife who were in Austin for the first time ever. And as with most first timers, they wanted to experience live music.Well it's not my first time here and I know that 80% of the live music that is played here in a non festival setting sounds like covers of The Bacon Brothers band. It just so happened that The Heartless Bastards were playing this same night and I convinced them that this will be the best show going on and it's at a pretty cool venue, La Zona Rosa. When in reality La Zona Rosa is just an ok venue but hey I'm sales. When we walked in, I saw at least 5-7 Stetson brims, rocky mountain jeans, and mouths full of snuff! It was like I had teleported back to my hometown! Then the first 5 or 6 songs we hear is their new country stuff and it was all slow and boring! What happened to my band??? Why was Erika punishing me??? My client's much younger wife was getting bored which means that he was about to kill me! And then finally they play The Mountain, followed by Sway, and then some of their older stuff. Phew! Everyone in the place seemed to pick it up a bit and we were all rocking including my guests. Then they played some of their more rocking songs of their new album like Down in the Canyon and Simple Feeling. The thing is there aren't enough songs like this on the new album. Why couldn't they have stayed in Ohio and not lost their true rock roots? Oh well, what I am getting at is, that if you see The Heartless Bastards pop up on your festival schedule, please check them out as it will be a good show. The only thing is that they have regressed back to being to a day time drinking band when they were well on their way to festival headliner. I still list them and their shows as pretty FRESH!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AAJOXrnPIUg&NR=1&feature=endscreen

What's In A Name?

So I will readily admit that I will check out a band solely based off of their name. And I've had some success with bands such as Japandroids, Heartless Bastards, and Gay Witch Abortion(this may be the best band name ever). But then some bands get so creative, and I use that term loosely, that they actually end up out smarting themselves. For instance, if you're a little known band whose music is hard to find dont come up with a name like Football or Dress. Because when I Youtube your name all that comes up are home made videos of flag football games or some 60 year old lady showing you how to make a dress. And when you put in Football band or music, you get Monsters of Metal 2 or they're playing the theme song from the Mortal Kombat movie. Which in most cases is actually better than the band you are researching. Anyway, two years ago when I saw Sharon Van Etten's name come up, my interest was instantly piqued. With the last name Van or Von anything how can you not be cute and snooty. I always link those names to a character from Cruel Intentions.

Well as it turns out, Sharon is cute and talented rather than snooty. Singer songwriter is not a style of music I typically listen to; it's just too boring for my taste. But I recognize talent when I hear it. Her song Serpents grabs a hold of you as it starts off kind of dark and brooding and then explodes. Her voice compliments the music too, which is key because if your voice is the central focus of your music then it's probably a good thing that you don't sound like Joan Rivers after ANOTHER 40 years of smoking. Her style seems to change from song to song just slightly which is refreshing so you're not hearing the same 3 chords over and over. DsharpG is probably my favorite song of hers; simply put it's beautiful and puts you in this trance like state. Basically it's THAT song that every indie director puts in his big finale when the lead actor and lead actress finally realize from a distance that they are in love with each other and then start to run to one another. Yes I have seen too many of these movies and yes I love them! I keep missing her everytime she comes to town but don't be an idiot like me, catch her. Sure it's worth every penny. I give her a rating of pretty FRESH.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHMyYtmx3E8

The next artist I try my hardest to hate. All of the elements are there : as far as hip hop is concerned he looks wack with his half psuedo perm and half shaved head (he gets props from me on this btw), he wears unbelievably wack clothes, his voice is kind of annoying, and his rhymes about sex seem like they're written by a 13 year old whose watched alot of porn but has never actually been laid. But as I checked out Danny Brown's mixtape XXX I couldn't stop listening to it. I kept bobbing my head and kept laughing. I couldnt figure out if he was just wack or if he was actually clever ;but as you hear songs that start off with "Coming colder than the grits they served slaves" or "i got that income tax swag" how can you not be entertained? Seriously, who doesn't get something fly with their tax return? I don't smoke weed but anyone who does will be instantly hooked with his track Blunt After Blunt in which he proceeds to say "And I smoke!!!! Blunt after blunt after blunt after blunt after" It's crazy catchy. Again, based off of his annoying voice I've heard mixed reviews about his live shows but I'd recommend checking him out for the pure spectacle. I know I will probably regret this later but for now I will give Danny Brown a rating of barely FRESH!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sM2FSjJqKvo&NR=1&feature=endscreen

Day Drinking

Aah day drinking at festivals can be good or bad depending on your goal. If your goal is to "catch up" to everyone because you got to the Gnarls Barkley show late so you proceed to pound four tall boys in a 40 minute set in the middle of Texas heat and an hour later are passed out in the middle of the park while Thievery Corp is playing and people are stepping over you, then hey go for it! But if your goal is to get warmed up for the bigger acts later in the day while saving your energy at the same time, then I think I have found the band for you.

Alabama Shakes are a 4 piece band from, surprise surprise Alabama. I first heard of them when SXSW announced their lineup but the only footage I could find was that of 3 hairy chubby dudes playing country esque songs. And when you're sifting through 2000 bands, you quickly give up weakness such as that. But I kept seeing more and more of them and this time every ad or photo included a chubby girl with them as well. Well as it turns out this female lead makes the difference between them playing Jethro's juke joint on a Wednesday night and them playing festivals like Lollapalooza alongside the Chili Peppers. She has such a commanding soulful voice and it's complimented wonderfully by the at times bluesy guitars. But at times they also resort to the hipster style of guitar playing where they just playfully pluck at the strings to keep things fluffy and light (see any hipster band in the past 6 years or specifically Vampire Weekend). Anyway I'm not too sure how long they will be around but if they stick to making more music with substance and kind of drift away from the daytime festival band sound I think they can be pretty good. You'll catch me sitting on the lawn at 2PM with a, as in one, tallboy checking them out. For now I will rate them as only kind of WEAK.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Le-3MIBxQTw

For those of you who are getting ready for Austin Psychfest, get started early this Tuesday at Mohawk and check out White Hills. I saw them last year during SX at Emo's (aah you'll be missed). I went in expecting to hear some old has been's who never really made it big, and essentially you can kind of still accurately describe them as that but man, how these guys never made it big escapes me! Maybe it's because the lead looks too much like Alice Cooper. These guys rocked my socks off! Their music is very much psychadelic but when it comes time to rip the solos, Dave W can hang with some of the best! And he also has the crazy Ozzie Osborne look on his face while doing it! Their songs are at least 8 minutes long and you would think you would get bored or need to be stoned to enjoy them but you really dont, which speaks to their creativity and talent. Just know what you're getting into though, their bassist looks like the female version of Marilyn Manson, just with bigger boobs. I definitely recommend this band and rate them as kind of FRESH.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ChARPluyy8k&feature=related

Ph.D in Hating

I know the point of this is to help you get ready for your upcoming festivals but I try my best to not hate on bands on the rise that I'm just not feeling. Music taste is obviously so subjective and depends on your mood, your surroundings, whatever the hot girls like at the time, etc. But as I see more lineups announced I see some of the same scrubs getting crazy love and more radio play. So you're not catching the next one hit wonder like Foster the People, I would say avoid the band Fun. I know they all over the place right now but man I can't think of a more annoying song than We Are Young. Maybe it's because I'm old??? When I was young I did love that stupid Green Day song about masturbation, so I guess I can understand the appeal. But if you're above the age of 8, you really should know better than to like this band. I suffered through another song of theirs and one of their lyrics was "nah nah nah nah nah". Just some quick insight, if your band has "nah nah nah nah nah" in one of it's songs than you should stop making music immediately. Especially if your musical break down includes a shaker. Old people use this in church because they are too old to rock from side to side with the rest of the choir, so they keep them occupied with this noise maker so that they still feel a part of the group. Again I apologize if you like this band; more power to you and I hope you enjoy their show. But if you know nothing about them, just happen to see the name in your lineup, and think that they will be...ahem...fun, trust me, stay away! I know it was a lame joke but I'm tired and this is what you get at this hour. fun. gets a rating of WACK!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xPLMwI1wabE&ob=av2e

The fact that I totally fell asleep on this next band may make you lose respect for me and I'd understand if you did. Don't know how I missed these guys when they broke out in 2007. I think my ears could only hear The Rapture at this time and nothing else. First Gear is about as fresh as they come. But anyway, the band Justice totally slipped by me. I know they were nominated for a Grammy but who really pays attention those anymore. Ever since Michael Jackson stopped taking Emmanuel Lewis as his date to it, it just lost too much of it's weirdness.Btw this is just a testament to how weird the 80's were. The world's biggest star takes a male midget as his date everywhere and no one bats an eye??? Love you Mike! So back to Justice, when I first heard Planisphere Part 1 while at work, I was dancing in my chair like a stripper on $10 dance night! (gotta grind). This rock, electronic disco is so on point! And apparently they were teaching themselves a lot of these instruments as they were recording. Pretty impressive. Their new record will have more vocals on it than their debut but both sound like they can keep a party pretty hype. Definitely check these guys out as I will the next time they roll into town. I give them a rating of FRESH! Frenchies unite!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uqJu_3CPhC4

Cabin In The Woods

So for years now movie critics have been pretty off when it comes to rating horror movies. Maybe they're just looking for too much art in it; when all the consumer wants is a nice boob shot or two, some gore, and few fun scary moments. So typically when I see that critics hate a certain horror movie I run to it, ala 30 Days of Night. And when they love it, I walk away wishing I hadn't allowed the critics to talk me into it; see The Blair Witch Project, which is responsible for all of the found footage crapfests we are subject to today. So I should have known better when I heard all of the hype coming out of SXSW about The Cabin In The Woods. "It's a game changer" "An ingenious ode to horror movies" "The most fun you'll have in a theater". Ugh!

As I walk into the theater expecting the next Scream or Behind the Mask :The Rise of Leslie Vernon (check this, critics actually got this one right), I had no idea I would walk out having just watched Horror Movie : an MTV2 production. Seriously, this movie seemed like it was written by 16 year olds for 16 year olds. First let me say, that I did laugh out loud quite a few times, which gives you some insight to the fact that I have the mentality of a teenager. But comedy is just supposed to be one element of this movie. The plot was different but just because it's different doesn't mean it's not weak. Basically it's 5 "college" (they look old for college) kids heading off to a cabin in the woods for a weekend get-a-way. Despite a run in with a creepy gas station attendant, they continue on to their destination. You soon find out that once they pass through this tunnel, that everything that happens to them is controlled by this weird team of technicians from an undisclosed location. They start acting out of character and discover this cellar which unlocks the horror that you are about to witness. So I dont spoil anything for you, I will stop there. The movie includes all of the basic elements of a horror story: the boob shot, the sex crazed jock, the slutty girl, the druggie, the dumb guy who can't act, and the virgin or as close as you can get to a virgin heroine. What the movie lacks however is scary moments, cool gore, and a plot that doesn't make you think that this would have been cooler as a quick 20 minute youtube video. 30 minutes into it, it  was as if they had no clue how to fill the gap between their set up and their big twist at the end. So you were just bored for 30 minutes watching them go through the motions and by the time the twist came it just kind of fell flat. I will say that Kristen Connolly, you may have missed her as "the woman reading on the bench" in M Night Shamommalananan's The Crapening (The Happening), made this easier to endure because she's so hot. But it wasn't even her boobs we got to see, but for the purposes of the story I get why.
***spoiler alert***
So at the end they do get to release every kind of villain that has ever been in a horror movie but why not just do that from the beginning and make that the movie? And why are these super powerful gods that they are trying to please so easily kept under control? Props to having a killer unicorn though. This would have been much fresher if a shirtless Tom Cruise was riding it with his hair from MI:2. Talk about the worst death ever! Impaled by a unicorn with a smiling crazy Cruise looking at you. Actually my friend suggested that one of the boxes should have had Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger in it, death by Brokeback! But this is another discussion for another time. So I rate this movie as pretty WEAK.

Drop It Like It's Hot!

So I just realized that I haven't dropped any knowledge on any new hip hop acts or really anything that you can dance to outside of New Build. Well today that stops. But first the reason I am reluctant to check out a lot of hip hop acts at SXSW is because as it usually goes with hip hop, they NEVER get on stage on time. Which is ok if it's just a one off show, but not cool at a festival when you have a different band to check out every hour and they are sometimes on the other side of downtown. Plus they should consider banning weed at least in the pre show for all hip hop artists. Black people are just naturally late to everything! You add weed and groupies to the mix, and it's amazing that they ever actually get on stage. I'm black, so it's ok for me to say this, but anyway...

Mr Muthafukin Exquire. The name alone should grab your attention. And if that doesn't then his video Huzzah which has a chick booty dancing and I mean BOOTY dancing with a gun in her g string should. I was watching this for the first time at work and couldn't take my eyes off of it. It's amazing I'm still employed. But Huzzah reminds you of old school hip hop. A fun party song that isn't all about the watches and cars that he has.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1bzoyVKZaL4&ob=av2e
But he can also drop some twisted and ghetto intelligent rhymes. Kind of refreshing. Outside of Goodie MOB, Outkast, and Jay Electronica it's kind of rare these days. As far as his shows go, as I was walking to see The Good and The Bad I passed by this hip hop show that seemed hype! Of course there were 20 of them on stage but I felt so stupid for passing it up. Well as it usually goes at SX I walked into another venue 2 hours later and on stage was the same hype act performing the same song I heard earlier and it was Esquire! Yes!!! I knew I made the right choice and he was actually on time!!! Too good to be true. You can tell that he's hungry, and that's not a snap about his weight, but rather a comment on how much energy he brings and how happy he felt to be a part of the festival. No sense of entitlement here. The crowd was definitely feeling him, especially after he explained to us how he drove 36 hours to party down here with us. When he's done dropping mix tapes and actually does an album, scoop it up. And make sure you see him perform live; if for nothing else, to see a chubby black man stage dive in the crowd. Esquire is definitely FRESH!

Next up is Flux Pavillion. I must say that I am not on the dub stage train. I just dont get it. Some of it I like but after a while it just seems like I could learn to make this music in 5 minutes. So when I saw that Flux was playing right after Santigold, I wasn't that excited. I mean, I knew that Kanye and Jay Z sampled his song I Can't Stop (def check out both Kanye's and Flux's version) and his song Bass Cannon had me reluctantly bobbing my head but I figured after a while I'd get bored. Haa! Was I ever wrong! This was easily one of the best shows I've ever seen at SXSW. And it's not like Girl Talk where he just presses a button from song to song, he is actually up there spinning and mixing! This felt like the biggest house party ever! I was completely caught off guard because he walks on stage as this normal British kid who looks like he lives in parents basement! And I think our enthusiasm caught him off guard because he kept repeating "this is so magical, you guys are awesome". His music is definitely dub step but he before he got into this style he was a hip hop and jazz musician so you can feel some of those elements mixed in his music. There is definitely a hip hop feeling to some of his songs and he knows how to mix his songs to keep the party going. Also check out Got 2 Know and Hold Me Close. I definitely rate Flux as FRESH!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o9wBwDWe0Yk

The Raid : Redemption

Guns, martial arts, and the absence of doves flying around for no apparent reason (take that John Woo)??? This sounds like my kind of action movie! Actually a small part of me likes the ridiculousness of doves randomly flying around. And to be honest that might have made this movie fresher. Damn you Woo!! You finally won me over! Anyway, how could you not be pumped for The Raid, if you have even a mild interest in action movies? Filmed by a Welsh director in Indonesia, this seemed like a film that was made specifically to show you how action movies should be done. There is just enough plot to give you an actual story, so you care what happens to the characters on screen and it actually justifies what seems like 100 minutes of senseless violence. But not too much of a plot so that you're now stuck with Spiderman 3 and you're watching the main characters singing show tunes to one another in the midst of a pointless love triangle. Horrible, horrible film.

So the plot is pretty basic; this police unit, that includes our hero the rookie Rama, is sent on a mission to take down a drug lord in a residential building that he also runs. The building is full of his gang and other random criminals who need a place to hide out. Many have tried to take over this place in the past but have failed and because of this, Tama (drug lord) has built up this reputation as untouchable even to the police. Aiding in validating his Suge Knight status are his two main henchmen, Andi and Mad Dog; whose ruthlessness will be revealed later. Once Tama sees that the police have entered his domain, he instantly locks the place down and announces free rent to anyone in the building that helps take out the SWAT team. And so the freshness begins.

The movie really breaks up into three parts, showing you different art forms of fighting. The first is gun play. The police get into a long shoot out with the residents that also includes a few explosions; but this actually ends up being the most ho hum part of the movie. It's really nothing that you haven't seen before but at least some of the plot is revealed here. You learn that this mission is not exactly what it seems. I'll stop there and wont expand any further so that you have the same experience that I did when I first saw this movie.
The next form they explore is knife/sword fighting. Here is where the movie picks up steam! The choreographed  fighting scenes are pretty amazing and you end up with some death scenes that rival even the ones from the Final Destination movies. During this act, yet another layer of the plot is peeled back and adds an interesting angle to the film; of which I wont reveal for reasons mentioned earlier. Lastly they explore the hand to hand combat and here is where Mad Dog shines. Instead of shooting you, here prefers to pummel people to death. And his level of skill makes him the biggest badass on screen since Ong Bak. He effortlessly takes people out and does so in a manner that actually makes you scared of a man who is 5'3" and weighs about the same of that of a horse jockey.

All in all I thoroughly enjoyed this film. It is full of wall to wall action and gives you needed dialogue breaks so that you can sit back and digest some the freshness you just saw. I would definitely rate this movie as TIGHT!

Beer Guts Are Welcomed Here

Toadies! Toadies! Toadies! I always shout this when I see that they are coming to town. But if you know anything about the Toadies, I fortunately get to say this at least once a year and have been saying this for quite some time because they have been around forever and have reunion tours whenever they feel the need to meet new groupies (it's good to be the king). But the fact that their shows always sell out is a testament to how good they are live and how sick we are as fans that we can't wait to sing along to a song about date rape (Tyler). So as I walk up to the infamous venue Stubb's, I think I know what I'm getting myself into. But as usual with Austin, you never get what you're expecting. One thing I noticed is that if you still like the Toadies, you are OLD!! I mean don't get me wrong, there were a few teens and some 20 somethings but 80% of the crowd was definitely on the downside of their beauty years. Everyone there looked weathered, had beer guts, and it seemed like an arduous task just for them to even make it to the port a pots! I swear I saw some internal debates on how long they could hold it, not so they wouldn't miss their favorite song, but so they wouldn't have to move. But aside from that, they were there to party and you could feel the energy in the place.
So if you have never heard of the opening act Ume, get to know them! They are from Austin and have been developing a following for the past few years. They are a 3 piece rock n roll band with a female lead. When she steps on stage she's this small, cute unassuming thing carrying guitars that seem like they are as big as she is. But after you hear her mousy voice whisper "We're Ume" the distortion kicks in, hair is flying , and they are jumping like around like mad men on stage! Awesome stage presence!!! The songs start of melodic and then transition into heavy riffs and solos as the songs climax. They totally won over the entire venue; so much so that the lesbians who typically show up just to sneak peaks up her skirt were getting jealous. Trust me, I've learned to hide my interest in her over the years, these girls get gangsta! Ume is pretty fresh.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1mfB0X0-E-c&feature=related

So now we get to the Toadies, if you have never heard their stuff check out Away and you'll be hooked.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uwTUAgU4d8w&ob=av2e
Best way to describe them is southern hard rock with lyrics written as if his he allowed his id a voice. Songs range from his Christian upbringing (Backslider) to getting with the girl you've always wanted by any means necessary (Tyler). They always bring a lot of energy to the shows themselves and the band and the crowd(as it should be) feed off of each other. Once they played Paper Dress and a Rev Horton Heat cover the show easily became one of their best. They even played 3 or 4 new songs which actually sounded good, so there's hope for more of these shows in the future.The only thing is I hope they wait a little longer after SXSW to play because as I walked up and saw the line, I found myself subconsciouly reaching my SXSW badge to skip it; sadly it wasn't there. Luckily every dude in line had a date with big boobs, so at least I had that for entertainment as I waited. The Toadies are obviously TIGHT!!!

Oh You Thought You Knew Trash Cinema -The Vindicator

So I have repeatedly referred to my friend who is also a movie freak like me but he is more of an action and horror movie purist. Honestly in a perfect world for him these movies would have zero dialogue and all action and/or gore. Here's a brief look into his world. Ladies and gentlemen I bring you Macleod...

The Vindicator (1983) -- Directed by Jean-Claude Lord.  Stars David McIlwraith, Teri Austin, Maury Chaykin, Richard Cox and Pam Grier.  This is a little-seen and underrated sci-fi/action potboiler shot in Montreal.  

McIlwraith plays bland 80s-everyman scientist Carl Lehman with a pregnant wife (Austin) at home. A shocking opening sequence involving a lab chimp being provoked into a rage highlights the lax animal rights standards for films in the 80s.  Occasional animal cruelty goes with the territory for expoitation film lovers, but the ASPCA wouldn't be too down with poking a caged chimp with a stick until it goes, uh, ape-shit. 

The nefarious corporate boss (Cox) conspires with his team to arrange for Lehman's death in a lab exposion, leaving only his still-living eyes and brain with the rest of his body burned or missing. They build  a cyborg body and implant the brain and eyes - our robo-Frankenstein immediately wakes up and goes on a death rampage. 

The supporting cast excels - husky character actor Maury Chaykin (the fake Harvey Weinstein from Entourage) turns in the most memorable performance as the best friend who turns backstabber and then goes straight to pure-creepy territory as he tries to romance the grieving pregnant widow, ending in assualt and a sweaty attempted rape. Action goddess Pam Grier shows up as the evil "Hunter" (both by name and profession) hired to find and destroy our robohero.  Hunter rocks some skin-tight leather pants and goes around shooting innocents and generally being a fun evil henchwoman.

Special recognition goes to Stan Winston studios for creating the suit, which has a nice distressed, almost steam-punk look due to the damage it receives throughout the film.  There is a show-stopper special effect where the Vindicator removes his helmet and you see a clear acrylic shell holding together his exposed jawbone and burned flesh in a liquid solution.  Innovative work for the budget, as usual from the late, great Stan Winston. 

 There are a lot of similarities between this film and Robocop - I'd stop short of calling Robocop a rip-off, but the unstoppable cyborg in a metal body with an exposed face, and a couple similar scenes like the robot stalking his previous family and a guy getting pulled through a wall after the robot punches through it are very similar.  Maybe it just goes with the territory for robot killer cyborg movies. 

Senseless violence, a healthy dose of casual 80s nudity, and strong acting by the supporting cast along with a fast-moving screenplay and memorable, effective makeup and effects make this a VHS-era gem.  Recommended for fans of trash-cinema.  Rating: FRESH

Being Flynn - Fruity Pseudo Serious Review

So a few months ago when I saw the trailer for Being Flynn, I couldn't believe it wasn't in the running for an Oscar. It had all of the elements you needed; actors who hadn't truly acted in a while, a quirky story line, it looked boring enough for old people, and of course it had the token hottie. But when it finally came out I saw why it had fallen short.

The first two acts are pretty solid. With the exception of the first 5 minutes which seemed like it was written by some University of Phoenix film student. For some reason the story starts off being told from Robert Deniro's persective, then Paul Dano's, then Deniro's, then back to Dano's. And then all of a sudden it just drops that whole angle and isn't narrated by anyone. Kind of pointless but then it picks up steam. Essentially the story is about Bob Deniro being a terrible father who is a con man and who claims to be one of only 3 great American writers. He is constantly doing research for this masterpiece book that isnt yet complete. Paul Dano is his son who is constantly let down by him and eventually goes years without hearing from his father. Julianne Moore, who is always terrific plays Dano's mother. The entire movie Dano, like all of us, tries desparately to avoid growing up to be just like his parents but eventually falls into the same patterns his parents did. Self hatred (mother) and a self inflicted downward spiral (father) while also trying to become a writer himself. His mother commits suicide, for which reasons you'll find out later, and his father becomes homeless and is in fact living in the shelter that Dano works for. Dano for obvious reasons can't handle this and this triggers his fall into the world of drugs. The movie gives you a look into the homeless that you rarely see and makes you take a hard look at yourself. I dont want to spoil the rest of the movie but that should at least peak your interest.
It's refreshing to see Deniro actually trying again since Billy Crystal ruined him and he stopped ziplining from buildings (Brazil 1985). Paul Dano purely based on his performance in Blood!!!! should be in every movie. Btw when I asked for a ticket to Blood, the short scrub behind the counter sighed loudly and said "you mean There Will be Blood by Paul Thomas Anderson?". Yes scrub, that movie. So that's what I mean by Blood!!! And of course I cant forget the token hottie Olivia Thirlby is there to give me something to dream about that night. The problem with this movie is the third act. You could tell the writer was fighting with the execs to have a happy ending. So you have forced resolutions and an ending that just doesnt seem plausible. But I definitely suggest seeing this movie. I would mark it as slightly fresh.

Scary Love

So I will readily admit that my music taste can be heavily  influenced by my taste in women at the time. Growing up I had a small secret crush on Chaka Khan, yes I Feel For You, Chaka Khan. My thoughts were, "wow, she can really sing and you know she can cook too because she's a little big" (sad that I already had these thoughts as a child). But this led to me liking the slightly out of shape Janet Jackson and of course the fresh out of Destiny's Child, two cheeseburgers away from having the best badonkadonk ever, Beyonce. Soon after, my tastes started leaning towards to the goth girls. The super skinny, too much mascara Fiona Apple to even Veruca Salt. Now I know both of those are a stretch for goth girls but hey it was a start for a kid from small town Texas; and let's be honest, most goth girl bands suck. But this year at SXSW I found a bridge between both worlds.

Her name is Chelsea Wolfe and to be frank, she kind of scares of me! Check out her pic below. At age 9 she would sneak in the studio and record warped goth covers of R&B songs. Sadly noone ever heard them. But now she's comfortable with her style and it ranges from folk to rock and covers everything from light positive music to very dark material. Some of which is too dark for even me which is saying  a lot! I've rocked out at shows where dude comes flying out of the ceiling in a cage rocking wings and horns while screaming "love" songs to the crowd. But give her a shot for yourself, she has a song for every kind of mood you're in. I missed her at SX because I was star chasing that night, trying to get into Jack White's or the Jay Z show that never happened. Please please, no need, I'll "Boo!!!!" myself. But I will put her as slightly fresh mainly because she's hot and she might stab me if I say otherwise.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Skk5b69I6xk

The next band is Indian Handcrafts, not to be confused with Indian Jewelry. These guys are a two piece Canadian band. And when I walked into the show I was expecting them to sound like every other two piece I had heard recently. But as I was reaching for my vodka redbull to wake me up a bit, I heard this unbelievably loud scream from the mic followed by the hardest riffs I had heard in a while. I initially thought I had walked into the wrong show when I looked up and saw it was indeed the right band. If you are longing for old school true hard rock these guys are for you. Take some ear plugs to the show because you will definitely need them.They take turns singing lyrics and at times sound like pre Load Metallica especially when they come out their musical breakdowns which you can't help but find yourself head nodding to. For the record I am not really a Metallica fan but the few songs of theirs I actually do like happen to sound like this. As a side note, is there anything worse than having a famous 50 year old former rock n roll groupie in your music video to just come on say "dah dah dah daaah dah dah dah dah"???(check The Memory Remains) For shame Metallica, for shame. And how does one become a famous groupie? Oh well another discussion for another time. Indian Handcrafts just released their album and it is definitely worth you picking up. This way they can come back and say more awesome things like this when they are tired "We're sorry but we are not used to your American lifestyle of non stop drinking and constant beef eating. We can't wait to get back to Canada to enjoy our free healthcare". Word. These guys are definitely fresh.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hjsHPVhtaBg

More SX Love

Am I alone? Am I the only person who can't let go of certain bands eventhough they are well past their prime? I mean, dont get me wrong I'm not going to the Everclear, Sugar Ray, and Lit tour that was just announced. But if you're pumped for it, by all means go. And then participate in a mass suicide David Koresh style because this sounds AWFUL! (please please don't commit suicide but maybe consider turning into a cutter)  What I'm trying to say is that sometimes when bands break up you hang on to whatever you can; bad solo projects, reunion tours because they need drug money, or maybe even a few of the members forming a supergroup with another band that is on hiatus.

Which bring me to New Build. When I first read that they were coming to SX I told everyone in shouting distance about them. Former LCD Soundsystem and Hot Chip members forming a supergroup??? How could this be bad? And when I heard Do You Not Feel Loved, I was a dancing fool. I was thinking, all they need is for James Murphy to pop in on a few songs and we've got the white version of the Spinners (Spaceballs!! Watch out!!). But then I heard a few more songs and was a litle underwhelmed. Did they blow their L on this one song??? Didn't matter, I had a full head of steam heading into their show. And even though I was on my last leg for that night I patiently waited for what seemed like an hour long sound check for them to get started but overall I'm glad I did. They have alot of energy, seem to enjoy playng with each other, and are all pretty good musicians. While their recorded stuff seems kind of blah, it's a fun live show. If you have never heard of either band, its dance rock music. Hot Chip is more on the side of pop dance and this is the sound that New Build leans towards. While I wouldn't recommend buying their album, if they come to your town definitely pay the $18 to see them just so you can dance to songs like Medication and Misery Loves Company. I would say that overall they are slightly weak. Chek them out for yourself.
http://newbuildband.com/
If you like it you can obviously get it here
http://www.amazon.com/Yesterday-Was-Lived-Lost-Build/dp/B0076SCJXK/ref=sr_1_1?s=music&ie=UTF8&qid=1333490640&sr=1-1

This isnt a band I can't let go of but more of a sound that I am sad I missed out on on. Puffy Areolas is a band full of  raw high energy that combines punk, hardcore, and psychedelic music. I hate when people write this kind of a description for a band because it's rarely true but in this case it is. I had no idea what to expect when I walked into Valhalla except for cheap drinks and chicks who would probably wear razorblades in their hair for the pit that was sure to form. But I can honestly say that I didn't get what I was expecting and that actually turned out to be a good thing. The lead singer looks like Lorenz Tate in Dead Presidents and they even have a sax player who I couldnt tell you what he looked like because his hair was flying the entire time. Eventhough there were only like 10 people at the show they destroyed it like they were headlining an arena. They used every part of the bar for their show even running outside on the curb at times playing guitar solos and screaming lyrics at drunk people walking by. Do yourself a favor and see these guys when they come to town! Good to see some black guys rocking out that are not named Fishbone. These guys are pretty fresh.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uubLBds9qmk

Wrath of the Titans

As my friend and I watched the preview for Wrath which was sandwiched in between Battleship aka Transformers at Sea and Men in Black 3000 :The Search for More Money, I asked myself, why. Why on earth are they making this film? Is it punishment for me falling asleep during the first one? Do they know that I am dumb enough to convince myself to actually see it and pay the ridiculous amount that they charge for 3D? Well as it turns out it felt like punishment and yes I did pay that ridiculous price. But as my friend said "If you had told me in 1993 that the hero and the villian from Schindler's List would also play opposite of each other in a remake of Clash of the Titans, I would've thought that you were crazy". Excellent point and I am fascniated with Greek mythology so if course I see it opening weekend.

What's the plot you may be wondering? Haa well I think it has something to do with Hades and Ares teaming up to resurrect the father of Zeus and Hades so that they can keep their powers that are slowly fading because the humans no longer pray to them. Hey Greek gods, here's a hint, stop popping down to Earth to impregnate the hottest women around and people may still actually like you. Just a suggestion. Anyway Zeus is betrayed, Perseus has to save him, he teams up with a hottie queen and some scrub cousin of his to do so, and there's some worthless kid of his that pops up from time to time to be a nuisance.

This movie was clearly made to show off the special effects and they definitely delivered on that. The movie looks amazing. The giant cyclops were cool and when the giant monster shows up at the end spraying hot lava everywhere I finally thought I hadn't wasted the extra money for the 3D charge. Bill Nighy pops in for a bit for some fun scenes where he's having a one sided discussion with the mechanical owl. But honestly if you ask me anything about this movie 3 months from now I will draw a total blank, just like I did with the first one. I honestly didn't even know that they had switched actresses for Andromeda until the next day. Whatever, replace a French hottie with an English one and I will still show up. Actually the casting of Rosamund Pike inspired my buddy to go back and watch Die Another Day (DAD) again. That's dedication! I mean Halle Berry was smoking in it but geez they lost me when Pierce Brosnan is driving a Mercedes with no issues in an ice castle. Anyway as far as Wrath goes, if you have a big screen at home, red box this movie when you're bored and save some money. The actors in it are good and look  like they are having fun, the effects keep you entertained, and there's even a minotaur in it but man the plot is flimsy at best. I give it a rating of pretty weak. I am off to go watch a real Halle Berry movie, Swordfish. Worth the pain of John Revolta (yes I spelled that correctly) mainly for the hacking scenes. Trust me, they are worth it.

Playing Dress Up

Sadly, gone are the days when good bands would dress up to compliment their act. There was Michael Jackson with the red jacket and the one white glove, Sinatra with the tux, or any 80's band that took you at least 5 minutes of looking at them to determine whether or not they were dudes or chicks.Now most "artists" who dress up today do so to help hide the fact that their music is actually terrible. But there are a few bands left that remember what a suit or a can of hairspray can do for your overall effect.

The first band is The Horrors. When I first heard them, it was their debut album Strange House. The album sounds like the soundtrack to an old 1950's Vincent Price horror movie, complete with organs, creepy guitars, and even creepier lyrics. The lyrics to their songs ranged from anywhere between a man committing suicide over how boring his life is to Faris Rotter himself hacking desperately at a sea of appendages. Along with this awesomeness, they would dress the part with goth clothes, make up, and zombie like hairdos. This all adds up to a rare combination that you never see on stage anymore, creepy raw energy .I was blown away when I first heard their song Gloves. Check it out for yourself.

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J9M-DtH9zHI.

They have now for the most part ditched the hair cuts and make up as they progress their sound. They are more synth goth now and sound more like a dark 80's band. Still really good stuff and refreshing to see that they can reinvent their sound and not lose who they are as a band. When you go to their shows and see goth girls dressed in all black lace with a veil to match, you know they haven't lost their core fans. It took all I had not to propose to these girls on the spot btw. I am giving these guys a rating of really fresh! The only thing keeping them from being tight is that they did away with their fresh names like Joshua Von Grimm and Coffin Joe. I mean we all know Dimebag Darrell was never the same after changing his name from Diamond Darrell. Sorry for the random Pantera reference. Anyway...

Band number two is The Walkmen.I am sure you have heard of them by now because they never stop touring and play every festival known to man. But just in case you haven't, definitely give these guys a listen. My description is going to make them sound like they belong on KLite radio, music for the the contemporary adult; but that's only because I am a horrible writer. In a sense it is grown folks music because their songs are about complicated relationships. Ranging anywhere from the weirdness of the random hookup to the frustrating feelings of a relationship that you just can't let go of to realizing too late that you had the girl of your dreams. These guys are true musicians and can seemingly play any style of music. The drummer alone is worth the price of admission. They feel like a throwback band, very loungy at times. Hamilton channels his inner Sinatra when he sings their great song Louisiana.  But they can also crank it up a notch with songs like The Rat, Lost in Boston, or Angela Surf City. For most of A Hundred Miles Off Hamilton sounds like a drunken Bob Dylan, which well I guess Bob always sounded drunk so it's better to say he sounded like Bob Dylan. But do yourself a favor and start off with their best album Bows and Arrows. If you're not hooked by the time No Christmas While I'm Talking comes on well then just keeping listening because this band definitely gets the rating of really fresh.
http://www.thewalkmen.com/heaven/